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My Gangster Acquaintances
by Schmutzie

Sorry for the second top post of the day, but this has been bothering me since I watched Sean Hannity's fabulous program last night, and the sense of guilt become overwhelming after I read Ryerson's admission that he knew the late Jim Tilden.

I feel the need to unburden myself before I close up my store and skulk on home to work on my next Quiblit submission (a killer interview with a top level NASA dude, well the answers are killer, the questions are stupid because I asked them.)

Anyway, here's my confession.

I know gangsters.

I've worked for them.

I've made money off of the transactions.

One cannot do what I do for a living, in this particular city, without coming in contact with The Boys. Everyone knows who they are, and some people are so frightened of them that they won't carry out a contract for them. Not me.

I've performed duties for several people that I know, with absolute certainty, are members of organized crime (and that list doesn't include the Chicago city officials I've worked for, but should.)

It all started back when my dad was alive, and was running this company. He was generally accepted as the best at what we do, and these customers didn't mind spending a little extra cash to deal with someone who would carry out a contract with cool efficiency. No fuss, no muss, that's the way they like it.

There was Tony Spilotro's house. A beautiful set of French Doors, along with a couple of top quality full-view storm doors (including custom satin nickel hardware. very nice,)

Then came his cousin's house. new Pella windows, a couple of (ugh) bathroom glass bolcks, and some wrought iron ..ahem....treatments for the windows. It was a nice job, but the unmarked car with the tinted windows was a bit of a distraction.

**edit** forgot to mention the Arcardo job. 4 new doors with custom deadbolt locks. Very secure. Very.**

Then came Lefty Rosenthal's house, which was a tricky job because he was in Vegas while we were working there. This was not the time nor the place to forget to lock up when finished for the day. Turned out nice, and I hear he was happy. (back in the late 70s)

There was the Giancana place, which wasn't nearly as fun because the old man (Sam, not my dad) was already croaked. But still,...it's Sam Frickin' Giancana's house.

I asked my dad once if he worried about dealing with people like this, and he just smiled. He suggested that they are more worried than we are. He said..."It's all about trust. Do you think they trust just anyone to crawl around on their houses?"

"But dad, that customer wasn't even home. He was in Vegas."

"Don't kid yourself Michael. Someone watched every move you made."

"Why?"

"Bugs. They're worried about bugs."

"Bugs? Your mean like those creepy earwig things that crawl out when I take off the old Z-Bar frame from the old storm do.."

"No you dumb kid. Bugs. Listening devices."

"Ahhhhhh....but they know you. They know you wouldn't...."

"Of course they know, that's why you're there. But they can't trust anybody too much, so they watch anyway."

"Do you worry that they won't pay their...."

"They always pay. The last thing they want is to owe money to someone with a contract. That's the lesson. People in that business can't afford publicity, and they don't ever want to go to court. They always pay. I wish everyone paid their bills like they do."

Stepping forward 30 years, I'll admit that I've worked for several more reputed mob figures. They're not nearly as colorful as the ones I worked for as a kid. They're not, for the most part, famous. They run funny hours, have no visible means of support, and live in rather large homes. They pay their bills, they're never a problem, and I'll leave it at that.

I've also worked for investment bankers who ran funny hours, had no visible means of support, and live in rather large homes. I'll also leave that at that, although I'd suggest getting the cash up front with these characters.

I've never felt like the jobs I do for any of them in any way connects me to organized crime, be it hanging doors on The Tuna's house, or replacing the windows for a guy who helped gang rape the US taxpayers to the tune of 3/4 of a trillion dollars.

I'm sure glad I'm not running for public office.

I think the voters might overlook my dad's profitable deal with Spilotro, knowing that The Ant was at least keeping up the property values.

But I'm not so sure they'd like it if they knew how much I made installing those gold leafed mahogany doors on Keating's house.

**The above is at least partially fictional. To the best of my knowledge I never worked for Charles Keating, nor would I.**

Dammit Schmutzie
by skitch
Your handlers and I have all told you time and time again to let us vet your BOTF posts before you make them. This kind of post in particular should be run past the press secretary and the focus groups.

Did you or did you not tell us that you want this back when we first chose you as our puppetcandidate?
Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by topazz

Think they read the fray? You're mashed salami.

Gangster Name Generator

Michael "Big John" Coco
by Urquhart
Here's two bucks, toots, cause that's just what yer worth.
Re: Dammit Schmutzie
by Schmutzie

skitch:
Your handlers and I have all told you time and time again to let us vet your BOTF posts before you make them. This kind of post in particular should be run past the press secretary and the focus groups. Did you or did you not tell us that you want this back when we first chose you as our puppetcandidate?

Ohhhh youbetcha.

You betcha I told you that.

Who cares?

I'm a maverick. It's time for a change, and mavericks like me are just what this great country is yearning for. A return to good old fashioned values, and Reagan's speeches, and lots of that other maverick stuff.

Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by Schmutzie
Ronald "Fat Georgie" Ormento

"The only thing a dame understands is a slap in the face, and a slug from a .45"

Gaspare "Braciole" Caridi
by skitch
A mouthful to be sure.

On the other hand, my superhero name is The Radioactive Scarab (or The Acrobatic Phantom, depending).
Mariano "Frank Russo" Milano
by topazz

???

That Does It
by Urquhart
I cannot in good conscience retain a gun moll named Frank Russo. What am I, some kind of finnochio? This is not good.
Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by JackDallas

When did you realize that you were the kind of asshole your mother told you not to hang around with?

Jack

Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by Schmutzie

JackDallas:

When did you realize that you were the kind of asshole your mother told you not to hang around with?

Jack

It was just last night after wasting an hour watching Sean Hannity spoon feed you your opinion.


Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by artandsoul
And my middle name is Hussein.
Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by JackD
So you're the guy rehabbing all those Mcmansions around Park Ridge Country Club. I hope it was your customers' taste and not yours.
Re: My Gangster Acquaintances
by JackDallas

Why did you watch it then? I don't watch the bullshit your side puts out. You like the way she looks, don't you?

Jack

Two points
by Keifus

1. I work for the military-industrial complex. I've never abetted killing people--hell, I've rarely invented anything that's even worked--but the client, yeah, well. If they pay more or less on time, then rest assured, there's lots of useless bureaucracy.

2. Do you think your average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main?

[3. Hotel connection ridiculously slow.]

[4. Wish the beers came up with room service for that matter.]

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