There'd never been a padlock on the gate at the bottom of the lane before. Hadn't ever needed one, what with the dogs and the geese, and the neighbors had always been nosy enough to keep tabs on any rig or bike that drove out to that end of the county road.
The house was locked up too, for the first time in about twenty years. Uncle Ugly's soon-to-be-ex, Sue, had dropped the house and shop keys off at the realtor's office earlier that morning. Uncle Ugly had gotten a lift back out to the place from his nephew, Joe, so that he could ride his panhead back to the new place. He'd left it in the barn yesterday when he'd taken the last load of stuff over to his new batchelor digs.
Joe got out and stood next to Uncle Ugly. They didn't say anything for a few minutes; both were lost in reminisces as they looked at the woods-line fields that sloped away from the old house.
"Your dogs always liked those woods." Joe said. "When I was still in high school you'd always let my buddy Ray and I take a couple of your hounds down there in the evenings and run 'coon." Uncle Ugly laughed. "You danged kids would have those dogs out half the night and still come home all outsmarted by a darned raccoon! Didn't you boys ever figure out that those dogs and that 'coon had played that game so many times that the conclusion was foregone? Wasn't nobody catchin' no-one... Too much trouble. It's much easier all around to make a lot of noise without ever gettin' ahold of something that might bite back. See that with a lot of these politicians nowadays..."
"How is ol' Ray?" asked Uncle Ugly. "You two used to be tight as ticks, but I ain't heard you mention him much before today."
"He's doing O.K." said Joe. "He was sorta mad at me for a while, a few years back, but he's gotten over it. I'm gonna keep an eye on his place while him and his girlfriend go on vacation."
"Ray was always pretty easygoing." said Uncle Ugly. "How'd-ja piss him off?"
Joe grinned and said "Back when Ray first started seeing that Wanda chick that he's shacked up with, I gave his (at the time) newest squeeze the "buddy test". Me-n-Ray had run the "buddy test" on each other for years, since back in high school. Basically, the principal behind the "buddy test" was that if you could get in your friend's new girlfriend's knickers, then she wasn't serious girlfriend material. Not necessarily to be dumped, but we always knew which girls were serious and which ones weren't.
It didn't take much more than a wink and a tickle to have Wanda over at my place; she was right frisky, and didn't seem to have no qualms at all about what we was up to.
The next day I saw Ray at the parts store and I walked up to him and, grinning, told him I'd tagged Wanda.
Rather than his usual response, which was to laugh, he got kinda tight around the chops and told me that maybe I'd best back off'n messing around with Wanda if I knew what was good for me."
"Sheesh!" said Joe. "I didn't know he was all serious and stuff about that little hellcat; I'd-a never pounced her if I'd known he felt so strongly about her."
Uncle Ugly asked "They ain't engaged or nothin', are they?"
Joe shook his head. "Then it ain't like you been taggin' his wife or nothin' like that. Did-ja apologise?"
Joe nodded. "A couple of years back we were both subs on that big mall job down by the Tri-Cities. I took the opportunity to tell him my side of the story and how I was sorry as hell some ginch boogered up our friendship. Ray allowed as to how he'd over-reacted, considering as how many times he'd tagged one-a my paramours. We ended up murdering a half-rack out in the parking lot after work and laughing at our old differences."
"Well then" said Uncle Ugly, "Sounds like there's no more problem! It's good that Ray's got him a forgivin' nature, eh?"
Joe looked kinda disgruntled. "Wanda can't let it go. She's got this denial-trip goin' on where in her mind she was some sorta helpless victim to my "Redneck Svengali" schtick. It's easier for her to forget that she gave as good as she got, right up to when Ray confronted her. Then she cried a lot and he forgave her, but she's never forgiven me."
"Don't sweat it." replied Uncle Ugly. "Ray ain't that worried about what Wanda thinks; you'd have gotten a different reception from him otherwise. I'm thinkin' that, after six years of shackin' up without gettin' hitched, Ray ain't planning on makin' Wanda a permanent fixture in his life. She's convenient, and he's gotten to where he can put up with her quirks-n-twitches, but if he ain't married her by now then he ain't gonna. You and Ray oughta be able to work around her; she ain't the first girlfriend to hate her ol' man's friends.
Maybe when she wakes up to the fact that the reason she's so mad at you is that it takes any blame off'n her, then she'll grow up a bit and maybe not come unglued every time she hears Ray mention yer name."
Joe grinned and turned toward his pick-up. "You want I should follow you over to your new house?"
"Naw." Uncle Ugly replied. "The pan's been running good lately; I'll get over there no problem. Think I'll ride the Canyon loop before it gets dark... got lots on my mind and that's a good "fer-thinkin'" run. Give me a call tomorrow and I'll help you load up that drill press I'm givin' ya." Joe waved as his pick-up pulled away from the new-locked gate.
Uncle Ugly waited for the dust to settle a bit before firing up the old motorcycle. He didn't want to suck all that crap into the carb. He started the bike up and sat there for a couple of minutes so the ol' gal could warm up and get some oil up through the channels to the pan-covers. He thought back to meeting Sue for the first time, that Halloween Night in 1980.
Damn, they'd both been a wild couple-a kids; neither one of them would have thought that those first hot kisses would have led to twenty seven years of good times, good friendship, a good marriage. When Sue told Uncle Ugly that it was time for them to split the sheets he took it, head on, as one more thing that he needed to do to help his best friend be happy. So they sold the place, paid off all their bills, and split the rest. Sue was off on her "Great Adventure", God bless 'er, and Uncle Ugly found himself sitting alone on his favorite scoot with a few thousand bucks in his new account and a month's accrued leave from work. He'd call and ask if Joe would stop by and check on the new place, making sure the old cat had food and water. Other than that, there really wasn't any reason to hang around these parts feeling sorry for himself.
A few miles down the county road there was a "T" intersection. Left or right; both possessed new roads and scenery heretofor unseen.
Digging in his pocket, Uncle Ugly flipped his good-luck half-dollar into the air, catching it in the palm of his right hand before slapping it down on the back of his left.
Lifting his right hand away, he looked down at the coin.
And grinned.
