Why must it always be abort or not to abort? What happened to giving the baby up for adoption? People are ready, willing and open to adopting a child even if they have disabilities. Adoption is like the red headed step child no one ever brings it up as an option. The mother said she didn't want the child nor did she want to abort so logically give the baby up. Help a family become complete. She can even choose to have an open adoption and get updates and pictures of the child. Yes I can only imagine how hard it would be to give up a child that had been apart of me for 9 months but better that then giving him a life where he is not wanted. The some day the child will find this letter hear about the strife he caused in the marriage and then all the pieces will fall into place, the feelings of being unwanted and unloved. Give the child the chance to be in a loving family. That way the mother can also work on her marriage and find happiness herself.

Um, doesn't adoption fall under "not to abort?"

Maybe its the mentality that "If I can't have you no one can have you...."??

Pregnancy isn't a cake walk, folks. It's long, painful, expensive, time-consuming and fraught with opportunities for lifelong health problems. Not to mention childbirth still kills people suprisingly often.

Don't get me wrong, adoption is a good idea. But many people aren't bothered at all by an abortion in the first few months, and from a fetal developmental standpoint, I understand that.

Well, that's kind of not the point, since she already said she COULDN'T abort the baby.

Nothing wrong with adoption. But in this case, I don't think it is an option.

alldenwall:

But many people aren't bothered at all by an abortion in the first few months, and from a fetal developmental standpoint, I understand that.

I just want to use this opportunity to share a crucial event that I went through and your comment reminded me of.

College biology lab - We were studying fertilized chicken eggs. There were ones that were 3 days after fertilization and 10 days. I grabbed one of the 3 day eggs.

We needed to break open the egg and look at it under a microscope. I don't remember the exact project but I do know that my group was SLOW! We must have been there for hours.

I remember the heart, which was the only recognizable part of this mass of tissue. Over the length of the lab I could see the heart beating slower and slower. It really affected me because I knew that I was essentially watching this fetal chicken die. I also knew that I did this and there was nothing I could do to reverse it. Finally I asked one of the group mates to crush it. The thought of it sitting in a garbage can until it just couldn't beat anymore, panicked me.

With all of that said. Yes, I still eat meat. Yes, I am pro-choice. No, I don't think that any of my thoughts and actions are hypocritical.

Why I brought this up is because life begins at conception. If you want to take comfort in the fact that it's unrecognizable and say therefore not a life, whatever gets you through. If you think that the reason for abortion is more important than that fact, I support you. But don't pussy foot around the truth, abortion is killing a life.

Reread my post - Wow, a little preachy? Sorry, I just wanted to share what came to mind.

dumb_blonde, what in the letter makes you think adoption wouldn't be an option? The LW makes it very clear she's not really into having another child and the hubby wants to abort. What's the sticking point?

@Sundwon, The fact that neither wants another child. If having another baby will be the final nail in the marriage coffin, I suspect thethe full term pregnancy & delivery & stress over adoption would also be another negative. I do vote that she keeps the baby & dumps the hubby.

Danam, the fact that you believe that life begins at conception, yet you are pro-choice, is exactly why the term 'pro-choice,' not 'pro-abortion,' is used to label that side of the argument. I don't know many pro-choicers who aren't horrified by the facts of abortion. I am, and always vote, pro-choice. That doesn't mean that I would ever consider it for myself.

danam:

Reread my post - Wow, a little preachy? Sorry, I just wanted to share what came to mind.

No, actually, I totally hear you. Well, it was a little preachy, but I'm not one to point fingers on that trait. Believe it or not, I agree with you on the main issue, which is the ending of a life. It's just that until pregnancy is less gruesome, humiliating, awful and potentially deadly, I'm just not into preaching at people over abortion. I'm just not, man. Perhaps it's because I'm pregnant now, and it sucks. I mean really, really sucks. It's too much to ask someone to go through all this willingly, much less as an unwilling slave to a parasitic, rudimentary life form that isn't even conscious yet. Sometimes, I feel like my opinion on abortion is confused and even hypocritical. I'd never have an abortion. But I'm not telling someone else what to do in the same situation, because everyone else is not me.

I sympathize with men on this issue, I really do. Once a woman gets pregnant, the guy at that point just has to go along with her decision, like it or not. I hear alot of puling and whining about that from guys, but I never hear any workable solutions. My best advice is use the best birth control at your disposal- of course with the understanding that they all fail about one in a hundred perfect users- don't sleep with strangers, don't marry a psycho, communicate with each other and do the best you can.

Glad you recognized that. Also, I think women getting abortions are PLENTY cognizant of what they are doing. And if they aren't, well, yeah, can't disagree with those abortions.

quote: Not to mention childbirth still kills people suprisingly often.

The US maternal mortality rate in 2007 was 13 per 100,000 live births. That includes women who go into pregnancy with cardiomyopathies, coagulopathies, and other pre-existing conditions that dramatically increase their risk for pregnancy-related death.

A normal healthy woman is more at risk of death driving a car than getting pregnant.

Sure, I recognized that the method of delivery might have come across as preachy but it's still the truth.

I disagree that enough women are taking it seriously. Almost all of the women I know who have had abortions did not put enough time into making a decision. Their thoughts were "shit, how do I fix this?"

The women who do really think about the decision and decide for whatever reason, the pregnancy can't happen now. Those are the women who I support through my pro-choice beliefs. Those women who are looking for an "alternative" birth control, they don't deserve children anyways.