Dear Prudence:

No doubt I would be one lucky woman if this flaw (the one mentioned in my previous letter and responded to in your recent video) were my husband's biggest! The other letters to which you responded in your most recent column did, of course, concern much more serious problems than mine, with the possible exception of the one about texting, and it would have most likely been a concern of many more readers than was my concern. I simply wanted an objective opinion from you, and I thought it was reasonable to ask, keeping in mind there was only a remote chance that you would answer, considering that my "issue" was certainly not of grave importance and probably not an issue of widespread interest. I enjoy reading your column, and generally I think your advice is solid. I wish I had known before I wrote that it is beneath you to consider issues of trifling importance. I would say that you didn't want to waste your time and resources in replying to my letter; however, that obviously was not the case, because it apparently merited the time and expense of a mini video production.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the complaint of my original letter were the biggest problem I had in my life? I think so!

Admittedly, the video did have some entertainment value, and I didn't think your acting was so bad as one of the other people who posted a message did.

Fortunately, I will probably become used to my husband talking in third person to our children by the time he is sixty and they are thirty and thirty-five, because he will probably still be doing it.

Thanks for putting me in my place.

Mom of Two BIG Kids

...

Seriously, this is not a fake response. I really am the writer of the original letter.

GeeIwasJustAsking:

Seriously, this is not a fake response. I really am the writer of the original letter.

If that's true, then for what it's worth I would like to add my two cents to your problem. I suspect that the reason that your husband has this little quirk is from when the kids were little. That he simply got in the habit of referring to himself in the third person when they were little. It's not unheard of for people to do this with children until the kids are 5 or 6 and they start viewing themselves as "big kids". By the time your eldest was 5 you now had your youngest and the cycle started all over again, so after another 5 or 6 years, it became a pretty well ingrained habit that he had been doing for 10 or 12 years. Some habits are hard to break.

When I was little, my dad had a nickname for me, and at some point I decided that I had "outgrown" that nickname, and so he came up with a different nickname for me. (Yes I acknowledge that I was a bit of a brat.) But my point is that it seems your kids have not reached that point, and after 17 years, it's gonna be an even harder habit to break.

But all in all, all spouses have little quirks that drive the other one batty, so ultimately I would just try to tune it out or fine the "cuteness" in your husband's quirk.

It's just too easy to CLAIM to be an LW. Many have tried it in the past, all have been scammers.

Thanks, blackraincloud81, that was positive and helpful advice. I appreciate it.

My husband still refers to me as "Mommy" to my kids, and sometimes when addressing me. I keep reminding him that I am NOT his Mommy, and refuse to answer to that from him. The kids overlook it, as they are all in their twenties now.

Yes, it's annoying, but it's forgivable.

I got my letter published, and someone still owes me money for it. I think it might be you, Messy. :-)

I just watched the video for the first time. Wow, Prudie really is a terrible actress. It's like watching your grandmother tell a dirty joke but leave out the dirty parts, while taking three times as long as she should. Anyway, that level of snarkiness should be left to the experts: us here in the Fray.

Given the apparent triviality of your issue, one might initially and instinctively reach for my response to the mom of texters: "Lucky bitch." But in this case, I sympathize.

Calling yourself "Daddy" or "Mommy" is annoying no matter how old your kids are, unless they don't understand language at all. I loathe the mothers I hear saying, "I need you to be good for Mommy now." It's right up there with "Use your words, sweetie." Other third person references just sound pretentious, as Bob Dole has demonstrated so well.

So, feel free to tell your husband that he's blissfully unaware of how much of ass he sounds like, and you thought he'd like to know. After that, drop it, and try to discover or develop your own annoying habit to retaliate with. Try saying "nucular" or "supposably" - whatever gives him a tic. You might also enlist the kids to help mock him.

An occasional outburst might also help. Try a clear, unambiguous phrase, like, "Oh my God, you sound like such an ass when you say that!" Say it like you didn't really want to, but couldn't contain yourself this time. Use a lighthearted tone so he knows you still love him.

Good luck!

Ah, ya smarty-pants...I'll give you that one!

I keep telling you to come to the big city, and I'll take you and the missus out for dinner at the pub. No kidding.

Fitzpatrick:

Calling yourself "Daddy" or "Mommy" is annoying no matter how old your kids are, unless they don't understand language at all. I loathe the mothers I hear saying, "I need you to be good for Mommy now." It's right up there with "Use your words, sweetie."

My parents found they had to call each other Mommy and Daddy when my oldest brother automatically called them by their first names when he learned to talk. It was phased out when the youngest was old enough that Mommy and Daddy was automatic for everyone.

Most parents speak of themselves in the third person in order to teach their child. There is confusion when just saying me. Me? Or you? Or this Mommy person? That's how kids learn. As for the "Use your words" quote. After raising a child with a communication disorder, I can say that this phrase can be necessary. Yes, sometimes my son would get stuck and need to be reminded to use his words. Trust me, those words don't come easy to some kids.

Oh, now you're just asking for it.

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WOW! What a snarky response from Prudie. Almost makes you afraid to write in the future.

It always amazes me to find out what irritates people who have been married for a long time. My parents have been married for over 30 years. They each have a particular thing they hate about each other that I know of. And what's more interesting is that I only found out accidentally. And NEITHER OF THEM KNOW IT (I'm certainly not telling, unless they read slate!)

For my mother, she HATES when my father comes home and asks, "Any mail to-dail?" TO-DAIL is a play on today, as in "Is there any mail today?" But for some reason, he has to make it rhyme...

Over 15 years ago, she must have had a bad day. She was going off on some random stuff my father hadn't done and then she said, "And he's gonna come home and ask, 'is there any mail to-dail.' I hate when he says that. It's SO STUPID. To-dail isn't even a word."

I'm sitting at the table doing homework and thinking WTF???? He says it every day when he gets home. I'd always thought it was a little funny, but clearly she wanted to cut out his voice box every time he said it. EGAD.

For my father, it's my mother's ABSOLUTE INABILITY TO THROW OUT MOP WATER. She mops almost daily, but she will NOT throw out the water. She just leaves it in the dining area - usually in the path of traffic.

I found out he hated it one day when he was taking the mop water out. this was about 10 years ago. I happened to be in the kitchen and he was talking aloud as he threw the water out. He said (and this is the point of this message)...

"I do not understand how your mother can mop the house and not throw the water out. It seems to me that you would come to realize that after you mop, you gotta throw the water out. Mop water is nasty and full of germs. But she leaves it. And she leaves it in the middle of the room where people can trip over it.

But after almost thirty years of marriage, you have to learn to pick your battles. This isn't important enough to fight over. So every time she mops, I throw the water out. I don't know if she even notices. But it keeps the peace and that's important."

I have always remembered that.

It really comes down to picking your battles. If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you really don't know (and you don't; no matter how long you've been dating, you will never know the person enough!) you have to forgive the little shit.

For the LW, perhaps he has really enjoyed being a father. He wants to remind himself (and maybe the kids) that he's their daddy and will be forever. That's actually pretty awesome, if you consider how many people resign from the job of parenting.

I can understand that it could be irritating, but if it doesn't bother the kids...

And consider this... One of the greatest joys of his life could not have been possible without you.

One of these days...

We currently have an exchange student visiting from Germany. He & his group are heading for the windy city next week. I expect they have a full agenda, but any tips for high-school age foreigners would be appreciated!

How about, "Talk to me"? Like anything, the annoyance factor comes from the frequency of use more than the actual phrase.

Avoiding pronoun usage during language acquisition is fine, too, up to a point. Here the annoyance comes from dragging it on too long. It may be appropriate for a two-year-old, but not a four-year-old and certainly not a teenager.