I might add that RD preface any contact by explicitly stating she has no interest in contesting the will (if so), but just wants to learn about her father. Also, a letter might best precede a phone call, so the other people don't corner themselves into a rejection of the request out of sheer surprise.

Or, she could just forget the whole thing, knowing for an absolute fact that her father was an asshole. All she would get from others who knew him was confirmation.

I wouldn't think she would need a confirmation. As far as I know there is no need to state that these people are not to receive anyting from the estate, just leave them out.

I think a letter would be best. Personally, I think she is extraordinary for wanting to know more about this uncaring creep. However, I'm privileged enough to have 2 parents who care about me. But there is a need inside all of us to want to know where we came from, more about ourselves. Perhaps if there was a family member who cared enough, she could even find out if there are any genetic conditions she might be susceptible to.

The LW might wait a few months to think more clearly. By that time, the estate should have been settled, and there would be no question of contesting the will.

Some of the relatives might actually want to know the LW, but were told by the father that he "wasn't allowed" to have anything to do with her. At worst, the relatives would all say no, which is why an identical letter, to several people at once, might be best.

My father left me when I was five. My mother moved and he didn't want to be a part-time dad. He never made an effort to contact me, send my birthday gifts or come and see me. My mom remarried when I was seven and I can't say that I liked him in my life. Now that I am grown, my stepfather is my father. He was the one that was there through everything. To this day, my biology dad has yet to make an appearance in my life. There are times I get curious and wonder what he is like, then I realize, he doesn't care enough about me to find me - so why do I care about him. Sadly, history repeated itself with my son.

Not to say that this happened to you but my gf's parent's divorced when she was very young. He attempted to contact them. He sent them gifts only to have them returned. Not all men who don't seem to make an appearance in their child's lives doesn't care. He worked right next door to a restaurant that we would go to as teenagers and she never even knew. Her stepfather was a cop who abused her and got away with it. She finally went to look for her father when she turned 18 and he took her in with open arms.