As a "manager" of restaurant operations it is your job and your duty to "manage" these kind of situations succesfully.

"Not amused's" job , is to make sure that neither her employees, or her other guests are subjected to this sort of behaviour. Is she sure that she's the only employee being spoken to in this way?

A good start would be " We value you as a customer , but some people might see these comments as innapropriate and offensive so let's not go any farther"

Escalating the situation with the "depends" etc. is definately not a managerial approach to the problem and is likely to cause more trouble than to cure it. If I were the owner I would expect some people skills to be demonstrated by my manager. I would also expect her to be able to coach employees in developing the same skills.

On a personal note, I would expect a "thirty something married woman" to be a little more professional in her demeanor and a little less "oh my god , I can't believe he said that......."

Surely at her age she's managed to learn at least one or two ways to deflate some of these jerks?

Granted, there are many many times when I've thought of something absolutely cutting to say half an hour after the incident, but how about popping out with something like:

"Does your wife know how obnoxious you are?"

"Great, you bring the peanut butter, I'll bring the swim fins and chain saw, and we'll make a night of it."

"Wow, that was incredibly rude! Do you talk to people like that at work? I know, I'll call your office and ask."

There must be a thousand responses, but for any of them to work, they must be made in clear, ringing tones so that at least three other people hear you.

quietwife:

I would expect a "thirty something married woman" to be a little more professional in her demeanor and a little less "oh my god , I can't believe he said that......."

You do understand, don't you, that these "letters" are sometime substantially altered from their original form, if not complete fabrications? Right?

Sometimes this makes Dear Prudie's column a little squirrelly when "thirty-somethings" have problems a nineteen-year-old should manage easily, and "twenty-five-year-olds" with two "thirty-year-old" boyfriends have high-school type problems.

Well, maybe she just gets letters from the really immature and/or naive people out there.

Well, I think you're right on the maturity issue. Your maturity or lack of is your own concern when it's just about you.

But a manager is a person who is responsible for ensuring that there is a profitable, safe and respectful workplace, it's about the professional impact of the organization. If an employee of mine offered a customer a pack of Depends as a solution to a customer service issue, I would offer her a disciplinary letter.

I can only agree again with you on the twenty five year old's dilemma. Darling, you're not "in love" with anyone here. No one, in love listens to advice anyway......that's one of it's defining characteristics.

As for fabricated letters, I am also suspect fabricated postings:) but we're just passing the time with some conversation............

A manager must manage; not running around crying about being a victim. I'd begin counting the strikes toward a disciplinary termination for anyone so pathetic that I'd somehow misjudged badly enough to promote to a management position. The twenty-five-year-old teenager needs grounded.

My observation is that discussions about fabricated postings and especially about fabricated posters are touchy with the poswers that be. A couple of columnists are kind of obvious when they flame anyone who dares to differ with them. Geoff doesn't want to hear about it, and it's one of my many pet peeves.

tonto_goldberg:

Well, maybe she just gets letters from the really immature and/or naive people out there

I imagine that most mature people don't write into an advice collumnist for solutions to their problems....

I can't tell if the letters are real or not, but if you have actual letter writers showing up at least some of them must be real.

It's entertainment. I find it interesting to hear different points of view......

I believe that sometimes people get so involved in the myriad of choices in front of them that they can't recognize the right one that's obvious to anyone else.

Now .... my problems...... they are unique and I'm not like those silly people who.... blah-blah-blah......

Many restaurant "managers" do not get to where they are today by getting the same education. I've known quite a few who had no formal education in thier professional positions. I am not sure how got the person complaining got into her managerial position, but most likely none of her educational venues had anything to do with teaching her what to do with characters like the ones you meet in the real world. Usually this comes with experience and having a great mentor who has experienced some of the same kinds of problems like the ones she is experiencing.

Quite wife evidently knows how to expect perfection in the perfect manager but not how to help one get to that place. She must have been born with all the answers, OOps no she is not writing an advice column or she would be getting a paycheck!

Sometimes you need backup. Even when you're management. I've had to bail out my employees far more often than they've had to come to my rescue, but having my great thundering ox of a bookkeeper appear from the back rooms with fire in his eyes and his fists clenched in fury once saved me having to call the police on a hostile customer. The little bastard in question practically levitated out the door.

Obviously, we lost his custom. Some things, however, are well worth the price.
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Zonemind:

having my great thundering ox of a bookkeeper appear from the back rooms with fire in his eyes and his fists clenched in fury once saved me having to call the police on a hostile customer. The little bastard in question practically levitated out the door.

Obviously, we lost his custom. Some things, however, are well worth the price.

What a great visual moment! Do you call him "Thor" now?

Well, no, catfish, I'm not giving advice. I'm making a comment.

It's true that many people have found themselves in a management postion with our formail training. This doesn't mean they can never access resources like, HR departments, fellow managers, their local college, Labor board, management books or the internet. Would you like me to look it up for you? .

I'm not attacking "not amused", I'm suggesting that I would look at it from a different perspective. You may say that I'm not offering help, but there's plenty of help available for anyone who wants to help themselves

But maybe your right, If she hasn't had the advantage of training or mentorship " not amused" has no choice but to discuss her painties with her guests, whine to Prudie and comfort herself with your sympathy.