Well after being banished from Atlantis my ancestors settled Europe, tired of the constant fighting they crossed the channel to explore the inviting white cliffs. There they started building the foundations for a very tall building by stacking stones horizontally in a circular design. After it was found to be too cumbersome of a task for such limited benefit they mischievously left it for future generations to ponder.
Bored, and chafed from ill fitting pants they took their pants installed tubes and reeds and invented bagpipes. While the haunting wales from the bagpipes were strangely satisfying they realized they needed to cover themselves out of respect for the women folk and the children. Since their pants had all been turned to instruments they borrowed their wives skirts.
Now in the damp climes of their island home they found that their skirts were quite practical and they eliminated chaffing. But no self respecting man wants to wear his wife's skirt so he called his new clothes a kilt.
Why kilt? Because they kilt anyone who made fun of them.
Sometime later after learning of a man from the southern parts of the lands they originally settled had found a great big new place with almost no body home they began to take notice of the new continent that everyone was rushing too. Now my ancestors being originally from Atlantis were no fools. they knew how hard it was to settle a continent and to form new countries so they waited a century or so before they came to visit the brave new world.
Unfortunately they got here a little too soon and were caught up in a revolution of sorts. Now being from Atlantis and all this messy revolution was just not to their liking at all. See my ancestors rather like orderly things but they have never much took to tyrants and bullies either. In fact we Atlantis refugees now dislike empire building so bad the Romans had to build a fence to separate us from the rest of the world they controlled. They just never could defeat us.
Anyhow we sort of liked the spunk of these new Worlders and how they stood up to the old world so we sided with them. You know they were not doing do well till we began to help them and then when those frenchies came in the rest is history.
But all that was a long time ago and a bit before my time, we don't where kilts anymore and besides many of the men in this country who wear skirts actually call them skirts and that will never do.
So I wear my chaffing pants in the damp and humid Midwest, work hard all day and keep my Atlantis heritage to myself. I don't know if anything I just wrote is true, but it makes for a nice biography, hopefully it will satisfy an Enquirer.