To LW1, I can say nothing, and cannot bear the slightest snark. I think that if I were a woman in her state, this issue might be the biggest motivation for an abortion: how am I going to explain to my child how she was conceived?

LW2: Sorry, this is not just a situation to avoid in the future. This woman should be reported to her hierarchy. Getting your subordinates involved in your barely legal pyramid schemes is totally unacceptable. If I were the boss's superior, she'd be canned right away for her abuse of power, and her obviously defective judgment in getting involved in this snake oil BS in the first place. Tell your adviser now, and let her make the call.

LW3: Please, don't do this. You both know that the only attraction you really have is the attraction of the taboo. You'll both find other partners, so you're not missing much. And at your age, it's very likely that you will not end up in a long-term relationship, so why not just avoid the discomfort that will follow you for the rest of your lives for the sake of a three-week thrill?

LW4: Just don't do it. Follow Prudie's advice and shut up. It was improper for SIL to use her company's mail service in the first place for a personal shipment.

How amazingly arrogant of you to presume that the only attraction the author of letter 3 and her step-brother are experiencing is the lure of the "taboo" and a "three-week thrill."

Darn, you beat me to it!

Good point on #4. Misuse of company resources. Many companies will fire you for that. I somehow missed that.

wintermute47:

How amazingly arrogant of you to presume that the only attraction the author of letter 3 and her step-brother are experiencing is the lure of the "taboo" and a "three-week thrill."

this could be a clue

"we are both 21. I never really knew him before they got married because he does not live around here. I've seen him a total of five times"

Okay, I get that a lot of fray writers like to have a cute theme for their response, but it can be at the expense of good advice.

For LW#1 your advice is: you should have gotten an abortion because you'd have to have an uncomfortable discussion with your daughter. Ouch! I understand why people have abortions in cases of rape, but this is not the right reason.

For LW#2 you suggest people who invite coworkers to these types of schemes should be fired. I don't think that's reasonable. I think this letter is a credit to the college student who saw through the scheme and will hopefully be able to avoid bad financial decisions in the future.

For LW#3 I like Prudie's advice better, but I can see your point.

For #4 on this one I have to agree.

LW 3 remindes me of the letter from a while ago. A young wife was throwing a hissy fit because her mom and father-in-law were dating.

I say nothing ventured nothing gained. I see nothing wrong with going out on at least one date (movies or some such). If it just doesn't seem right oh well. Maybe they will make better friends.

No, sorry if I wasn't clear. I have nothing to say about LW1. I was just expressing my feeling that for myself, the problem she is facing would be the worst of a whole litany of problems. I wouldn't presume to give anyone in her situation advice.

mhammers2:

Okay, I get that a lot of fray writers like to have a cute theme for their response, but it can be at the expense of good advice.

For LW#1 your advice is: you should have gotten an abortion because you'd have to have an uncomfortable discussion with your daughter. Ouch! I understand why people have abortions in cases of rape, but this is not the right reason.

mhammers2:

For LW#2 you suggest people who invite coworkers to these types of schemes should be fired. I don't think that's reasonable. I think this letter is a credit to the college student who saw through the scheme and will hopefully be able to avoid bad financial decisions in the future.

You missed the point on #2. This isn't a coworker, a peer. This is a BOSS, abusing the fact that an intern is even more subject to her authority than a regular employee. She at least needs to be reprimanded and cautioned not to approach employees as potential targets in the future. If she wants to approach managers - peers - in other departments, more power to her.

I wonder if she goes after the non-profit's clients, too? If so, she does need to be fired.

Well, she's not just a coworker. She's the superior of an intern. I cannot see this as anything other than an abuse of power. And since it is clear that these schemes are almost totally based on scamming others before you get scammed, I think participating in them either means you want to abuse and exploit others, or you are a fool to let yourself get exploited. Either way, you wouldn't be in a position of responsibility in my outfit. Do note that I said what I would do, not what you should do. There's a difference.

And I agree that the LW shows better judgment than her boss. But her letter isn't about getting applause for that, it's about what she should do. And since there are often a never-ending flow of interns in some departments, it's best to stop this BS now, because the next intern may feel more pressure to give in, or may be more naive.

mhammers2:

For LW#2 you suggest people who invite coworkers to these types of schemes should be fired. I don't think that's reasonable. I think this letter is a credit to the college student who saw through the scheme and will hopefully be able to avoid bad financial decisions in the future.

Not if your company allows employees to use the shipping dept. (and the company's generous UPS/FedEx corporate discount) for personal shipments but pay for it themselves. At mine we just write "personal" on the shipping form and it gets taken out of our paycheck.

I think people who ask their subordinates to come to with them for a pyramid scheme should be fired. This is a college student who was bright enough to see through the bull despite the fact that this person is superior to her (him?). What about other people who don't know that it is a scam? What about people who fear for their jobs and need to keep this woman happy so she might give them a good review?

So unless this woman is CEO, she should at the very least be reprimanded and instructed never to do it again but probably fired for abusing her power.

An ethical line was crossed with the intern. Any supervisor with an ounce of common sense, or lacking that - at least training from their employer, would know that this reeks of abuse of position. When a supervisor is in a position of authority, subordinates can be left wondering, "If I don't do ___, am I going to suffer repercussions?"

I am a supervisor with a sideline business and my subordinates have no clue. I sell products that I'm sure they would enjoy, but I prefer to keep my professional and sideline business separate to avoid even the slightest perception of impropriety. Even if my subordinates were to figure it out and want to buy my product, I would refer them to someone else in the business. All it takes is one unhappy/pressured subordinate and as evidenced by the LW, this is going to come back and haunt that supervisor!

My advise to letter #1 is: Answer your daughters questions with simple, honest answers. Nothing more. You should not feel anxious or confused. You are a courageous mom who turned a tragedy into beauty. In our culture, your act of love stands above 99% of this population. You and your daughter are truly blessed.

Oh, you're right. I totally forgot that normal people with no familial or legal connection NEVER feel any kind of rapid attraction to each other. How silly of me to presume that these two had anything on their minds other than the delicious naughtiness of a step-sibling romp.

Grow a brain. Prudie's response was dead on: explore it if you like, but do so slowly and seriously. If it turns out to be the real thing, great. If not, you simply stop before it reaches a point where it's going to cause problems. Prudie's response, if nothing else, has the humility to admit that maybe these two people understand their situation better than random, knee-jerk responders on the internet.

wintermute47:

Grow a brain. Prudie's response, if nothing else, has the humility to admit that maybe these two people understand their situation better than random, knee-jerk responders on the internet.

Unlike those brilliant folks who need to write some complete stranger to find out if they really lurve their stepbrother.