SHADDAP!
by
MessyONE
09/13/2008, 2:39 PM #
It is POURING outside. Chicago is getting dumped upon by the remnants of Ike (dammit!). Streets are flooded, storm drains blocked, traffic lights are out all over the place and driving is a nightmare. How do I know all this? Let's see...I WAS DRIVING!
Why, you ask, would I do something so foolish? Go ahead and ask. It's because The Boy needed to go to a bookstore for airplane reading, then to Target for hiking socks. I did TRY and point out that Nanaimo is hardly the ends of the earth - why, they may even have a Target store!
In truth, I don't mind so much. It's just that he's a lousy passenger. Really really lousy. Yeesh. I spent the morning in the car in the rain hearing: "Don't go that way! It's flooded!" (Dear, the northbound lanes are flooded, we're going south.) "Don't stop now! You'll flood the engine, then the car will break, then we'll be stuck here in suburbopurgatory forever!" (Yes, sweetie, I know. That's why I ignored the stop sign.)
Do I exaggerate? Ok, sort of. I'm so used to reading the subtext of what the poor man's saying that I extrapolate, sometimes inaccurately (Or so he claims.). Still. It's like driving with a really vocal granny.
To the letters:
1. Go Mom! Watch that tape and "reminisce". There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it clearly makes you happy.
But why are you so worried about what the kids will say when you're dead? It's not like you'll even know if they watch it, let alone come back to yell:
SHADDAP!
... at them, is it?
I don't know how many kids you have, but I'm assuming that they're adults or close to it, right? This means that they have to know that you've had sex at least once for each conception. They don't still believe the cabbage leaf story, do they? You didn't raise them in a cave with no tv, did you? So what's the big deal?
Worst case, they watch for 5 seconds, say "ick" and turn it off. No big deal there.
As for worrying about whether they'll "think less of their parents", how is that your problem? If they're dumb enough to think that, then it's too late to do anything about it now.
If it makes you feel better, write "Private" on it or, as some have suggested, something like "This is a tape of your father and I doing the Wild Thing. Burn the tape." One of two things will happen if you do this. They will either destroy it like you asked them to, or they'll watch it anyway. There's nothing you can do about that, especially from the Great Beyond.
Stop worrying about things that you can't control, beat those mountains back into mole hills, and go take a vacation somewhere. Tell the kids there will be no cash when you die because they have jobs and you're having fun.
Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone to make another tape with...
2. Oh, such angst! Such agony! Oh, you poor darling!
SHADDAP!
Fercryinoutloud kid, you should be THANKING your brother! Because of him, you aren't going out with that lying floozie any more! God knows, he's your brother, you should EXPECT him to lie to you. What better punishment could you ask for than to have him find out the hard way that HE isn't the only one, either?
I gotta wonder about you guys, though. I mean, I know that it's de rigeur to recycle and everything, but people, too? Really?
He's younger than you, so he must be used to getting your cast-offs, but this is getting silly. Who wants a girlfriend that was road-tested by a relative? Ick.
As for socializing with the same people, who cares? These are your friends, right? Is your brother also used to horning in on your non-sex social life, too? Arrange to hang out with friends and don't invite him! Even if he shows up with the dread Alice, surely they know what happened. How does this reflect badly on you, exactly?
Avoid them until the sting wears off. Say nothing. Get a cuter girlfriend or something. Remember though, if they end up together long term, you're going to have to learn to at least be polite to each other. Who knows? You might find that Alice is a better person to have as a friend than your brother is.
3. ROFL! Let me get this straight. You're trying to find a way to be POLITE about race to a racist? Please tell me you didn't ask that question!
SHADDAP!
Ok, so we know that your neighbor is a racist slimeball who bad mouths little kids to both adults and children. She's a jerk. She's teaching her child to be a jerk, too. Maybe the kid will get past that one day, maybe not. In any case, why are you worried about it?
Tell me. If you had a "friend" who was in the habit of hitting you with a shovel periodically, would you try and salvage that friendship? How about if she gave you a nickname that was offensive, like "Loser", or "Fatass", would you still want to be her friend?
Wake the hell up and pay attention! YOU CANNOT CHANGE HER! She is as she is. She not only has morally repugnant views, she freely admits that she IS a morally repugnant human being. Why would you involve someone like that in your life? Do you REALLY want your kid around a person like that? Are you that hard up for friends? Really?
Stop talking to her. Stop associating with her. Don't babysit for her or let her babysit for you. In fact, don't permit either her or her child within shouting distance of your kid. Your kid will get over it. Don't go to social events that involve her (hint, if she invites you to dinner, then asks if you have any white sheets you aren't using, DECLINE.)
There is nothing wrong with cutting this woman off at the knees. She knows she's offending the world, and she doesn't care. If you choose to associate with her, don't be surprised if some of the people around you start assuming that you agree with her.
I simply cannot believe that I actually had to tell you any of this. Yeesh.
4. Ah, yes...bitter children. Why, oh why do people put up with this shit, especially for years on end?
SHADDAP!
and listen, kiddo.
It sounds as if Beatrice is a nice woman. Nowhere in your letter do you mention that she's done anything wrong. In fact, it sounds as if she's gone out of her way to be pleasant to everyone, even your mother and uncle, who are behaving like a couple of petulant toddlers.
That's the key. I don't know how old you are, but you know that this is not your problem. It is your mother's problem and her brother's problem and it has nothing to do with either you or your cousins. It's the adults that could use a spanking here.
Your grandfather didn't cover himself with glory here. He should have pushed his kids harder to accept his wife and demanded that they treat her with respect. They have no business judging him.
Their mother is dead. They cannot bring her back by being nasty to their stepmother. In fact, their mother, were she around to see it, might be sorely tempted to give them both a solid kick in the pants. I'm certain she didn't raise her kids to act like a couple of jackasses.
That said... Beatrice DID put you on the spot there. Maybe she figured that you're old enough to decide what you want to call her. I suspect that's what it is. That is something you'll have to decide for yourself. Maybe "Grandma" isn't what you feel comfortable using.
You could come up with your own nickname, if you want. (Granny Bea? Kinda cool. Granny A died, Granny B is a nice lady, too?) I don't know about that. I DO know that if you decide to do that, then run it past Bea, first. You don't want to give her a nickname that will offend her in some way.
As for your mother, there isn't a lot you can do. You could tell her that Bea is the only grandmother you have, and that she has never done anything to harm you. It's nothing more than the truth, and you're old enough now to negotiate relationships with people outside your mother's influence.
One day, I have no doubt that you'll have a friend that your mother disapproves of, too. Learn to stand up for yourself now, and that might help you later in life, too.
