I, too, find Amy's response to the overweight 23-year-old shocking. It is possible to be a size 20 and be healthy and fit, with excellent cholesterol and blood pressure. There is no indication that this young woman is unhealthy. In fact, being overweight is less of a risk factor than being underweight. It's just a cosmetic problem.

It's not like she was tiny to begin with -- she was a size 16 at age 21 or so. She didn't go from a size 4 to a 20.

Thank goodness we have a skinny b***h like Prudie to tell us that every one of the 66.3% of Americans who are overweight or obese are unlovable. Otherwise, we might just think they were normal people packing a few extra pounds!!

By all means, this guy should ditch his girlfriend and find someone else who is just as shallow as he is -- probably a chick who snorts coke to stay slim.

No, it's not possible to be a size 20 and healthy. I know you'd like to think that, but it just ain't true. And yes, I know what the talk show hosts say. It's still bullshit.

Think of it this way. Every pound you weigh over your correct weight - whatever that is - exerts FOUR pounds on your joints every single time you take ONE step. This means that if you are 50 pounds overweight, you are putting an extra 200 pounds of weight on your back, hips, knees, ankles and feet with every step you take - potentially thousands of times a day.

The human skeleton is simply not designed to take that kind of abuse long-term. I read about an orthopedic surgeon who flatly refuses to do any surgery on any person that is more than 20 pounds overweight. He thinks it's a waste of his time that would be better spent on someone who won't destroy his good work.

Harsh? Yes. It is. And I'm certain that you'd be able to find someone to do that knee replacement you're going to need before you turn 40 (or 50 or whatever). I think it would be malpractice, but there you go.

I agree w/joni, really, what type of advice is that to give to someone.....gee, it really is your fault that the relationship is slumping because you love food more than your boyfriend. Both my husband and I have put on weight since we found each other (me more than him, from 9 up to 16 back down to 12) but our love for each other (emotional and physical) has not lacked because of it. Reality is, we all change over time, physically, mentally and emotionally. If he can't accept that then it's on him not her.

You know what, if the letter was based upon this guy's concern for his girlfriend, I would agree with you but both the letter indicates it is purely his physical concern for her as well as his arousal of her physical form that is his concern as well as Prude's reply. Neither the boyfriend or Prude's advice really show any concern for her health.

The fact is, to most people, being overweight is not attractive. You can rant and rave all you want about how shallow and unfair that is, but it's just reality. Your options are 1) find a partner who isn't bothered by it or 2) lose weight. You're not going to change the physical characteristics that a person finds attractive in others.

... then she can lose 200 pounds with one phone call telling him to get lost.

It still doesn't make the extra weight all right, though.

"By all means, this guy should ditch his girlfriend and find someone else who is just as shallow as he is -- probably a chick who snorts coke to stay slim."

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I agree. The fact the boyfriend sought out a 21 year old woman when he was in his mid-thirties also speaks to him being stuck on an ideal.

What 'Heavier' needs to do is ditch the boyfriend, and go online and find some of the many clubs, groups, and other support organizations that are fat positive. Its nice to go some place where people respect and admire all the different sizes and shapes God created Her children.

Fat is the last 'safe' prejudges

sex isn't all there's to love.

I was afraid that Prudence would give some silly PC advice...'your boyfriend should love you no matter what size you are blah blah blah'. I was pleasantly surprised that she told the truth. 23 is too young to be that fat. And it is unhealthy. This girl may feel okay now but by the time she is 35, her knees will start to go. Them comes all the health problems...diabetes, heart disease etc. Being overweight causes so many complications. Surgery becomes more difficult and the recovery time is twice as long. My sister is a nurse in Boston and she told me her hospital had to buy special scales to weight all the obese patients that were coming in!!! This was 5 years ago and she said it's getting worse.

It is not possible to weigh 250-300 pounds and still be healthy. Sorry, that is morbidly obese and Prudence was absolutely right to tell her that she needs to consider her relationship with food and her weight, instead of worrying about her boyfriend.

I agree lindy, I was suprised she went with the most straight forward answer to the LW. I also think Prudie caught onto a couple of things the posters have either missed or are choosing to ignore. Prudie used the term 'trajectory'. In other words is the man thinking 1 year = 20-25 lbs, 2 years = 40-50 lbs and so on?

Also the LW said it 'didn't bother her much' until the boyfriend answered her question. Which begs the question. How much weight gain would have to happen for it to 'bother her much'?

Prudie was even kind enough to lay off the end part of the letter where the LW is pointing out that she is not asking her boyfriend to change anything even though she is the one that did the 'changing' in the first place.

I think the "trajectory" is a key point. People don't just gain 20 pounds and stop. If you're taking such poor care of yourself that you gain that much weight in a year, the outlook for 10 years down the road is pretty bleak, especially since your metabolism isn't going to do you any favors.

It is not possible to weigh 250-300 pounds and still be healthy.

I hate to break it to you, but a size 20 is NOT 250-300 pounds. Try more like 190-210, maybe 225 at the very most, if she's quite short.

And, as long as I'm breaking difficult news to you, I've got to say...it IS possible to be a healthy size 20, just as it's possible to be an UNhealthy size six. It's all about your diet and activity level, whatever your size, and people's bodies find their own equilibrium. For some people, that may just be a size twenty.

Obesity is a symptom, NOT a cause. There are people of ALL sizes who are active and eat well, and people of all sizes with terrible diets and sedentary lifestyles.

Of course you can be an unhealthy size 6. There are plenty of sedentary skinny people who eat nothing but crap, and just happened to be first in line when metabolisms were being handed out.

However, being healthy and size 20 is a trickier proposition. As you mentioned yourself, it's all about your diet and activity level. And in the absence of any underlying medical conditions, those factors largely determine your weight, so if you're sticking to a healthy diet and a rigorous exercise routine, you're unlikely to be a size 20. So I agree, obesity is a symptom, not a cause- it's a symptom that you're not taking care of yourself as well as you could be.

mercadia:

It is not possible to weigh 250-300 pounds and still be healthy.

Nowhere in the video was the LW's weight mentioned. And I assure you that if she wears a size 20, she absolutely doesn't weigh between 250-300 pounds.

At my heaviest - just over 200 lb. - I wore a size 20. I made a choice to take some weight off - not based on my husband's opinion of me, mind you - and I think Prudie's response to the LW was callous.

No, the LW's boyfriend is not obligated to find heavy women attractive. By the same token, the LW is not obligated to lose weight to keep his interest. I'd suggest she preserve her self-esteem and find a man who will love her inside and out.