I've been married 4 years. Throughout that time my husband has struggled with this addiction and it has hurt our marriage in many ways from physically to emotionally. My husband denies the addiction but he can't hide it from me. I have a hard time having sex with him if I know he's been looking at it for various reasons. He knows this but can't help himself.

It started out as a 'harmless' outlet much as this woman describes in the letter as a apart of the Aug. 28 article. We were separated for over 8 months after we were first married as he was in 'hold status' for the military and was surrounded by it as his comrades found it to be an amusing past time. This would be the first he'd been exposed to it. Well, the desire that developed to watch this trash transferred over even after we were re-united. It made me feel worthless and even less of a woman because even as we were active in our sexual relationship I would still catch him watching it. This has been an ongoing disgrace in our marriage since causing bouts of barreness within our physical relationship lasting as long as 4 months.

At this point we have sex fairly regularly (5-6 times a week) and yet, I still find it archived in his computer *BECAUSE* he is now addicted since viewing/reading this subject matter *IS* just as addicting (if not more so) as smoking/excessive drinking/drug-use. Prudence's claim that this is harmful is like stating that the use of crack a few times within a short period of time will have no effect on one's being.

I completely disagree with Prudence on this issue and believe she would benefit from a re-examination of studies of pornography and it's effect on the human psyche before she passes this off as a harmful past-time.

Why does your husband's pornography use make you feel "worthless and even less of a woman"? It's obvious that your husband is strongly attracted to you. You're having sex five to six times a week!

about losing a few pounds and hitting the gym a couple more times a week?

Seriously, 5-6 times a week for a guy is normal, if not necessary (assuming your both in your 20's). Hell, anything that wiggles it's tail in front of a guy that age is o.k., but to get off, you need inspiration.

I mean, if he needs a warm up before going in...

KA

I'm only saying.

Kal Aline, I'd like to thank you very much for dignifying and lending aid to everything I've been saying in my post below!

You should keep saying stuff!

Please explain why you're whining about porn if your husband still makes love to you five or six times a week? Details would be lovely.

This is not an addiction. If he were addicted, he'd be spending all of his money adding to his porn collection, not paying the bills, and NEVER TOUCHING YOU. That is what porn addiction does.

As it is, you're pissing and moaning because you've discovered that "getting married" and "buying a robot" are not the same thing.

Sucks to be you. I predict a long and single life for you.

MessyONE:

... you've discovered that "getting married" and "buying a robot" are not the same thing. Sucks to be you. I predict a long and single life for you.

It's a continuation of the bridezilla thing -everything is about her. She still believes in a doll house world where she makes all the decisions. She does not understood at all that "getting married" is not the same thing as "buying a robot" - that her marriage vows were a pledge to spend her life with another human being. If she could accept that he has an independent mind complete with thoughts and dreams and ideas all his own, she could start to get it.

All I can say is God help her if something REALLY goes wrong in her life. If this is the way she reacts to things that are normal, she wouldn't last 30 seconds if something legitimately stressful was going on.

Of course, then she'd have something real to whine about, which would be a great relief to everyone who's been listening to her pissing and moaning so far.

There is a big industry out there with people spouting moralistic babble about fake problems and "helping the world" by yelling about it and taking innocent folks' money. Bill Bennet and Rush Limbaugh come to mind. Then there's a lower level of TV preachers and daytime TV guest stars. Then there's the wannabe's around here.

The sad part is that so many people are willing to swallow this crap whole, without examining anything. I've always found that sort of blind obedience a bit frightening. I don't like what it says about humanity as a whole. It's a demonstration of how easily people are led by those who have only their own interests at heart.

Why this eagerness to allow others to tell them what to think? Is it because of a lack of intellectual capability, or is it just laziness? Are they afraid of being different or finding out that someone disagrees with them? Maybe it's just a case of safety in numbers?

I think I'd rather get crapped on from time to time than be one of the sheep.

I think it's cute how she thinks that her husband first had contact with porn when he joined the military...

Something I forgot to mention is the fact that I can tell when he's been indulging the behaviour because he becomes terribly irritable, impatient with myself and our son to the point of being borderline abusive, and resents being asked to do anything to help out. While, usually, he's more than helpful, loving, and quite apologetic if he isn't feeling well enough to do more.

Sounds more like a mood disorder. Especially since I'd think the swings would be flipped.

Honey, you married an asshole. The surly "borderline abuse" is what he's really like. The "helpful, loving, and quite apologetic" guy you see is the one that's trying to make you stay with him long enough that he can be the asshole he is full time.

Porn is an excuse. Porn NEVER "makes" anyone do anything. If he's acting like a shithead half the time, it's because he's a shithead.

Shaina:

This would be the first he'd been exposed to it.

Where did he grow up, the Sahara? I suspect that it wasn't the first time.

Shaina:

It made me feel worthless and even less of a woman because even as we were active in our sexual relationship I would still catch him watching it.

Sounds like the problem is yours, not his. Why on earth would you feel worthless?

Shaina:

since viewing/reading this subject matter *IS* just as addicting (if not more so) as smoking/excessive drinking/drug-use.

No, it's not as addicting. A person with an addictive personality can become addicted to an activity such as gambling, shopping, viewing porn, world of warcraft but anyone can develop a chemical addiction.

Shaina:

Prudence's claim that this is harmful is like stating that the use of crack a few times within a short period of time will have no effect on one's being.

There is a huge difference between crack and pornography. Many men view porn on a regular basis without any problems at all, just as many people shop on a regular basis without a problem.

Shaina:

Something I forgot to mention is the fact that I can tell when he's been indulging the behaviour because he becomes terribly irritable, impatient with myself and our son to the point of being borderline abusive, and resents being asked to do anything to help out. While, usually, he's more than helpful, loving, and quite apologetic if he isn't feeling well enough to do more.

Uh huh. I'm not buying it. If he's choosing to be abusive, it's him. Porn isn't making him do it.