I have replied to a few of these posts but I have to weigh in here.

What we have here is a Mom, overworked, overstressed and physically going through things I can’t imagine. She “caught” hubby doing something that threw her for a loop. Couple that with hormones, feeling unattractive and a life that consists of cleaning urine, feces and vomit and is it any wonder she lashed out? But by the nature of her question, “Do we need counseling, or do I need to chill out?” She feels she may have over reacted.

She does not give the impression of one who is dead set against porn or she would never consider “But maybe I should just chalk it up to "boys will be boys" behavior.” Her reaction is totally understandable given her situation; so is her reconsideration of it after some time and perspective.

His embarrassment and apology was almost certainly for getting caught. He was probably taught as most males are nowadays that masturbation is a normal and very private thing. Also as noted above she is hormonal and stressed; a smart man would apologize for the weather in this situation.

His self relief serves many useful purposes:

1. He won’t pester her for relief when she is most decidedly not in the mood. – C’mon we’ve all had THAT conversation – better to leave her alone
2. It is an effective stress reliever – New Dads get overwhelmed too – but “talking about it” and “getting support” is not the male way – in fact those add stress
3. I find it helps me sleep.
4. Lowers risk of prostate cancer – hey he has a kid now – have to think about the future

What she should do is say, “Honey, I may have overreacted but I hope you can understand where I was coming from and the way I have been feeling lately. You can do what you like in private but I don’t want to see it so please have enough courtesy to not leave it on the screen.”

Thank you! It's what I've been saying all along.

Sadly, this letter has provided an excuse for every whacko and nutbar in the Fray to rant about the "evils" of sex. They don't give a royal hoot about the letter, they just get off on screaming about things that they clearly know nothing about.

He could also have developed a preggo fetish. We don't know what sort of porn he was looking at after all. Personally I find it almost disgusting but whatever gets the blood redirected.

You know personally this might have been a good time for the wife to turn this into a less embarrassing situation by suggesting some sort of participation (even if it's just watching, talking, SOMETHING) that doesn't force her to become involved before she's ready to.

I'm sure this guy's probably got a semi-permanent limp dick from getting caught, when it could have been turned into a growth and acceptance moment for both of them. As it stands it sounds like she inadvertently turned this into a "Oh shit my mom caught me whacking!" moment that probably fills their quiet time with nothing but uncomfortable silence.

...Yeah, you know what, it's quite possible she is hyper sensitive to the porn issue right NOW. I mean yeah, most women are secure enough in general to accept that their hubby's watch porn, but she'd have a good excuse not to feel like her old secure self right now.

That's a realy good point, esp if she had a traumatic (physically) delivery. An episiotomy or tearing along with all the natural stretching can leave a woman feeling decidely unlike herself and unattractive in the most intimate way and she may feel that she won't look enticing to him anymore, even when they both feel up to sex. I never felt threatened by porn, and I still don't, but I also have never felt so self concious about my nether regions as I do now, knowing what hubby s in for the first time he sees them after the 6 weeks are up.

Momzilla was sitting down to watch a MOVIE on the computer. She's not up to her ears in all those flying liquids and semi-solids. Maybe, just maybe her husband is even the good sort of guy that (gasp) helps out.

I am still wondering WTF it is about that letter that has brought out all the screeching, accusing, man-hating anti-sex loonies.

Tilia:

but I also have never felt so self concious about my nether regions as I do now, knowing what hubby s in for the first time he sees them after the 6 weeks are up.

I wouldn't let it worry you. The vagina is not exactly visually appealing anyway. I think most guys will agree with me that we don't rate it on looks.

And that is a true statement: not like the lies women tell about size not mattering.

shaper079:

And that is a true statement: not like the lies women tell about size not mattering.

No lies. The ex-bozo was much more well-endowed than hubby, but hubby takes the time to make sure I'm happy, and doesn't expect me virtually to hold up a scorecard after. Which do you think would make the better lover?

I'll definitely agree with you on that. The vagina is definitely not classically attractive.

I will disagree with you on size mattering. A good friend of mine's wife is a clinical psychologist and to hear her tell it, a good portion of marriage counseling begins with the wife complaining that her husband is too big which makes sex painful. Now how much of that is really the husband just flat out sucking at sex is another discussion.

"Goddamn it George, it's not supposed to go in my ear canal!"

What a dear man you are! You are the voice of sanity among all the hateful hysteria about this subject the last few days.