I have always wondered about this -- people really get their panties in a bunch over this topic, and I don't understand! Granted, I am unmarried and childless -- and it seems that many women do an about-face on the topic once they marry and/or have kids. Is it a true life-view shift that I won't understand until then? Or is it the old bait-and-switch that men fear so much -- tolerance until the ring is on the finger, or the baby in the bassinet? When I AM dating someone, I don't care if they watch porn. Some movies I will watch with them, while others don't interest me or even actively disgust me, but I know it's fantasy and it's THEIR fantasy. I am not the most secure person in the world, but do not feel threatened by fiction -- in fact, I'd prefer they get their jollies that way than run around on me in real life. And often it adds a little something-something in the bedroom! Now, that being said -- if it's an addiction, costing time & money, then it needs to be addressed. But if a wife changes the rules midstream, saying, "I don't want you to watch porn," and the man agrees, solely to make her feel better, then both parties would be blind & stupid to think he's not gonna lapse once in a while. And the wife would be extra blind & stupid to think that haranguing him about it, or withholding sex, or otherwise punishing him, would HELP!

UptightCitizensBrigade:

and it seems that many women do an about-face on the topic once they marry and/or have kids. Is it a true life-view shift that I won't understand until then? Or is it the old bait-and-switch that men fear so much

I think this happens because the woman in question wants to appear to be tolerant and cool in order to win her man. However, it doesn't mean that she's actually OK with porn when she says that she is. Many women in this situation have this notion that, "If he really loves me, then he won't need the porn and he'll be able to tell that I don't like him watching it." But eventually she'll get tired of playing the game, and that's when the problem begins.

I have a friend who is an extremely attractive bisexual man. He always has open relationships and is very upfront about that. At one point he was dating a girl who went on about how "cool" and "open" he was, and how different he was from her previous jealous boyfriends. While we were at a party, my friend was making out with someone else. His girlfriend completely freaked. Apparently she wanted them to have an "open" relationship in name, to be cool, but not actually partake in the openess. It was amusing in a trainwreck sort of way.

Sigh. I suppose that's has to be it. Does that mean I'm in denial right now, and when I meet The One, I'll change my stance?

Your second paragraph probably contains my answer. People simply have different definitions of what they tolerate. And the thought of 'my' man making out with someone else in front of me is on my "oh no, you didn't!" list, for sure!! :)

UptightCitizensBrigade:

Sigh. I suppose that's has to be it. Does that mean I'm in denial right now, and when I meet The One, I'll change my stance?

Well that depends on whether you are OK with porn or not. You know the answer! I don't think that these women are lying to themselves.....

UptightCitizensBrigade:

And the thought of 'my' man making out with someone else in front of me is on my "oh no, you didn't!" list, for sure!! :)

There's a reason I never seriously dated him despite the fact that he was both cute and smart. That sort of thing on a regular basis wouldn't have worked for me. It was amusing that despite how honest he was about what he wanted in a relationship, a number of girls he dated thought that he would magically change because he was dating them. He had less of a problem with the guys....