I agree with Prudie's assessment that the young mother should accept her husband's apology and move on. But I wish that Prudie would have also pointed out that the hormones and exhaustion that come with having a 6-week-old baby, as well as suddenly not having control over her own body, are probably making her feel vulnerable and sensitive. I remember feeling like this when I had my baby. So, new mom, don't feel bad for feeling betrayed . . . but also accept your husband's apology and move on, and realize that your state makes you feel extra sensitive. I hope your husband realizes this, too. Good luck to you! I hope you're enjoying your baby.

I think you are letting new mom off the hook too easily. Her reaction tells me that she thinks she can control what her husband does, thinks, and feels. His needs are not a consideration for her. She will react negatively to anything he says or does that doesn't fit into her narrow, puritan view of what a good husband is supposed to be. Her comment :"I confronted him, and he admitted to four weeks' worth—when our baby was only 2 weeks old! " Tells me that she has some sort of highly idealized and unrealistic view of the "precious, innocent" process of childbirth that ignores the fact that real people have real needs. I feel bad for that husband.

I re-read the letter from the new mom to make sure of exactly what she wrote before I commented on it. Naturally, she's hormonal, exhausted and feeling unattractive, but I wonder if there's more to it. Maybe he's always been discreet in the past when looking at "stuff" and cleared the history, but since the baby's birth, has left the site up to send her a message? Something like "You spend too much time with the baby and I feel neglected". Because if that's how he feels, they've got bigger problems than naughty websites.

Some men have no understanding of how much time and energy children require from their mothers, especially when they are in the helpless stage. Maybe he needs to have that explained to him by a pediatrician?

Maybe she needs to go away for a weekend and let dad fend for himself with the baby to understand how much work a kid in the helpless stage is. That is if the porn thing is "you're not paying enought attention to me."

But mom also has to make some snuggly time for dad. Not necessarily sex....

Best thing my hubby did for me after our son was born is at the 6 week mark he had bought tickets for a classical music concert close by our home, lined up a baby sitter and said "We're out for the night!"

Best thing my hubby did for me after our son was born is at the 6 week mark he had bought tickets for a classical music concert close by our home, lined up a baby sitter and said "We're out for the night!"

My bil and I took my sister out for a night at the slot's parlor near their house when my niece was about the 6-8 week mark. She had a great time, which is exactly what this new mom needs! Even just a night in bed with her husband watching some old comedies would do wonders for her right now.

catseye:

Maybe he's always been discreet in the past when looking at "stuff" and cleared the history, but since the baby's birth, has left the site up to send her a message? Something like "You spend too much time with the baby and I feel neglected".

Meh, I've never really got into the whole, "I forgot to do this but I really didn't forget. You see my unconscious is trying to tell you something, even though I don't know it consciously."

More likely he hasn't been cleaning out the history at all. Remember it wasn't the history that initially got him in trouble. It was the fact the 'movie' was left up that did it. Could be he was in the middle of his 'movie' and business, the kid woke up and screamed to be fed while mom was napping, so dad takes care of that and completely forgets about the movie. Mean time the movie is up but the computer goes to sleep mode or screen saver, thus LW gets a bit of surprise when she has some of her own computer fun.

When I gave birth, I was exhausted, hormonal, and not at all interested in sex. But since my husband was neither Superman nor a lazy, selfish, SOB, he was too tired to care. Even if the husband gets to sleep through the night, most men can't put in a full day at work, come home, and juggle dinner, housework and a baby so the wife can get a break, and still have enough energy for porn. The fact that he does have energy for such foolishness tells me that either he is a really high energy guy or he isn't pulling his weight.

CMS:

Even if the husband gets to sleep through the night, most men can't put in a full day at work, come home, and juggle dinner, housework and a baby so the wife can get a break, and still have enough energy for porn.

Oh? I think that entirely depends on the nature of the baby, the nature of the job, and how much the couple cares about keeping up with housework.

After all, the LW found the energy to sit down at the computer to watch a movie. Is she slacking?

Excuse me??? Of course she's gonna react negatively, her hubby's looking at porn while she's up at all hours taking care of the baby! Like someone has mentioned, if his ass got time enough to watch porn, he ain't pulling his weight, obviously!

It's not 'puritan views' that has her upset about this; it's the fact that he was doing this after she had the baby! Yes, people have needs, no doubt about that, but the hubby needs to understand that once the baby comes into the picture, nearly ALL of her focus/priority will be on the baby. Perhaps once she calms down she can look at this as a wake-up call and ask for help to have someone to look after the little one so they can spend some time alone.

Looking at this as though she's trying to control him is a rather narrow view on your part. She's probably still has some of her baby weight on, and with everything going on, she is definitely NOT feeling sexy right now! And besides, the first six weeks, she can't even HAVE sex at all, and he was looking at porn from week two!

So instead of having that archaic way of thinking, 'the man's needs comes first', no, it's the BABY's needs that comes first! Sounds like to me that hubby needs to get his priorities straight, quit oogling the porn, and help his wife take care of the baby they both brought into this world!

Mitamay:

Excuse me??? Of course she's gonna react negatively, her hubby's looking at porn while she's up at all hours taking care of the baby! Like someone has mentioned, if his ass got time enough to watch porn, he ain't pulling his weight, obviously!

Faulty logic. As many other posters have noted; she had time for a movie. It seems she also had time to write to Prudie.

Also if he wasn't pulling his weight wouldn't she have mentioned that? I don't know many women who would remain silent on that. That fact is the only reason she noticed is because she found it, indicating she didn't find out due to his unexplained absences or vast amounts of time devoted to it. An extra long "session" for a normal guy is five minutes including locking the doors and making sure no one was up.

He is pulling his weight, I am quite sure. Otherwise the letter would have been about how he is not helping because of his activities not about the activites themselves.