Three comments.

(1) The mom said "I'm shocked, disgusted, and feel betrayed." WTF? This is 2008. Porn happens.

(2) The dad sounds like a nincompoop, unless he actually wanted his wife to discover his porn activity. It's totally possible to delete your browser's history, you know.

(3) What really needs to happen here is for the dad and the mom to watch porn *together*. I'm serious about this. People say that married couples shouldn't have secrets from each other. I don't know if that's absolutely true, but I'm pretty sure that it's just asking for trouble down the line for one partner to enjoy porn (or anything else sexual) and to try to hide it from the other partner. In fact, this should have happened before the babymaking part even got started.

The woman has a six week old baby. If she is too tired and busy and disinterested in sex right now I doubt watching porn is the greatest idea.

Well, it should have happened before (as I said). On the other hand, I agree that this may not be the ideal moment. But once the little one begins sleeping through the night and sexual relations become more regular, I think it would be a good idea for them to at least try watching porn together.

I'm surprised they haven't watched porn together as a couple. Like the guy said above, it's 2008. Porn happens (should that be a shirt now?). She's physically wiped and he knows it, so he's taking care of "business" himself until she's ready to get it on. Fuck, i'd be encouraging my boyfriend to watch and wack if I couldn't do him for a while, much as I'd expect the same. (and i'm using such technical terms, I know)

I really think that in a few month's time when she's ready to start a physical relationship again they can watch some videos together and really see that it's not a big deal, and can really enhance the couple experience.

A lot of women don't like and she seems to be one of them. This is a matter of him respecting her feelings on it. It sounds like they have a healthy relationship but he didn't have enough self control to make it until her body was healed up and stuff. Just because other people think its fine for them to watch porn does not mean that everyone agrees.

Everyone has things they will not do and this may be one of hers. He seems to be truly sorry but she seems to still be upset. I don't think he normally watches porn and he probably just got lonely. Trust in any relationship is vitial and they need to fix that. Not worry about watching porn together. This may be great for one realtionship but it doesn't seem to be something that would work for their's. That's their private decision and I really don't wanna know.. =)

agreed this lady needs to get over it! porn does happen so what. porn is porn and its nothing to be ashamed of and the fact that she made him feel bad for NOTHING is absurd.

get over it and then join him...

Why shouldn't she respect his feelings? He's horny, he knows that he can't really bother her with it, he's dealing with it himself. But no....mama bear can't allow him that, either. Sounds pretty controlling to me, and alfeb, you do too.

I'm trying to think of how I would feel if I stumbled over hubby's late-night porn activities. Surprised, possibly amused, yes... but 'shocked,' or 'betrayed?' Please. Marriage does not give you the right to control your spouse's every thought, desire and action. And becoming a mother does not automatically elevate you to some high moral plane. Her 'boys will be boys' comment further illustrates to me that she's being self-righteous and possibly condescending to him.

She sounds resentful that he's not a bigger part of the nighttime baby routine. That I can empathize with, but for everyone's sake, she needs to see that her attitude may be contributing to that. As wonderful as nursing is, it puts almost all of the responsibility on Mom, often leaving Dad - especially a brand new father - confused as to what he can or should do. If mom is being a martyr about it, as LW may be doing, that makes it worse. Involve him. Tell him to bring the baby to you when it wakes up in the night, let him change the diaper that inevitably needs to be changed after those late night feedings. Then he can put the baby back to bed. Work together. And get off your high horse before real problems start to emerge.

Porn has nothing to do with loneliness or companionship.  Men's sexual desires usually have little to do with either.  I would bet that like most men, he has looked at porn since he turned 13 or so.  What possible benefit could it provide to the mother for him to stop masturbating simply because she doesn't feel like having sex? (or can't).

And while we don't know enough about the share each spouse contributes to childcare, one wonders why she can't require him to split the night feedings with him?  If she has chosen to breastfeed and won't use bottles even for breast milk, he really doesn't have a choice, does he?  Is he supposed to wake up along with her and feel miserable just because she does?

Actually, even if the mom isn't interested in expressing her milk into bottles for the dad to use, it might actually be reasonable to ask him to get up with her at least some of the time to keep her company. Really, speaking as the dad of two grown kids, that shouldn't be all that big of a deal for him.

In our case, my wife regularly expressed her milk, so we could divvy up the nocturnal feedings. I'm glad she did, because it was a (largely*) good experience.

*I say "largely" mostly because one of our daughters went through a period where it was hard for her to get back to sleep after feeding, and that was frustrating for everyone concerned.