LW1: Duh! She's already told you she prefers the drugs to her marriage. You may love her. She may even love you, but she clearly loves the drugs more. It's over. DTMFA.

LW2: One might think that Catholic classes would be a pretty safe place from sex fiends. Guess not. Prudie was alright, but you could still go to the priest and say you need new mentors, and don't feel comfortable with the geriatrics, without going into details as to the geriatricks. (You have to go to school to become a Catholic??)

LW3: Prudie's dead right. Guys like porn, it doesn't mean they don't find their partners sexually desirable, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and it's nothing like infidelity. What you should do is apologize for going over the top, and simply ask him to be discreet about it. You should be be understanding and tolerant, but he shouldn't expose you to his penchants.

LW4: Indeed, the ones feeling guilty should be the friends who come empty-handed, knowing you are working full time and taking care of your mother.

LW2 rings the fake letter alarm bell, doesn't it? Anyone who is not bright enough to escape "huggers" by the time they are out of school and thinking about joining a church needs to go to school for just about everything.

For what it's worth, the amount of training needed to become a Catholic varies a lot. Maybe they have not been baptized or members of a church before. If neither husband and wife are Catholic, and the priest is strict, that training could be quite extensive.

Wow, I think it's great that in addition to the woman who actually gets paid to write an advice column, we have waiting in the wings someone willing to do the same job, but for free! Granted without the insight, writing talent, or merit of the actual columnist, but hey, you get what you pay for, right? Maybe you ought to include an e-mail address so that people who need advice and validation but who aren't up to writing Prudie can start small.

Wow, I think it's great that in addition to the woman who actually gets paid to write an advice column, we have someone woh thinks he actually masters the art of sarcasm.

You're a newbie, so I'll give you a pass (but do you really understand how this internet thing works?). Have a look at the Dear Prudence Fray, sweetie. You'll see that giving advice and commenting on Prudie's advice is a passion.

So how much are you getting paid to be a Fray critic? Nothing? More the fool!

wintermute47:

Wow, I think it's great that in addition to the woman who actually gets paid to write an advice column, we have waiting in the wings someone willing to do the same job, but for free! Granted without the insight, writing talent, or merit of the actual columnist, but hey, you get what you pay for, right? Maybe you ought to include an e-mail address so that people who need advice and validation but who aren't up to writing Prudie can start small.

marcparis:

LW3: Prudie's dead right. Guys like porn, it doesn't mean they don't find their partners sexually desirable, it doesn't mean they don't love them, and it's nothing like infidelity. What you should do is apologize for going over the top, and simply ask him to be discreet about it. You should be be understanding and tolerant, but he shouldn't expose you to his penchants.

Waaahhh! I'm a selfish privileged a**hole! I'm entitled to women's bodies whenever I want! It doesn't matter that my wife went through nine months of pregnancy, childbirth, and is now trying to recover on no sleep and endless responsibility while I sit around like like the useless piece of cr*p I am! What about my peeeeennnniiiissss!!!!111!!! After all, I did my part!!!!11!!! I relieved myself of that teaspoon of semen last year! What does she want????!!!111! Waaaahhhh!

He's got a point. I've always wondered why people spend their valuable time rehashing Prudie's points and repeating her advice as if they're making a valuable contrubution.

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He's got a point. I've always wondered why people spend their valuable time rehashing Prudie's points and repeating her advice as if they're making a valuable contrubution.

You mean like you just did??!!

When one could be providing important updates on the lobster situation in Ontario.

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He's got a point. I've always wondered why people spend their valuable time rehashing Prudie's points and repeating her advice as if they're making a valuable contrubution.

Hey MarcParis, you must be a Dan Savage reader - it's always funny to find a "DTMFA" reference in another context

Indeed. A long-time reader, and even the winner of a Dan Savage contest. Can you guess which one?

ricegol:

Hey MarcParis, you must be a Dan Savage reader - it's always funny to find a "DTMFA" reference in another context

Marc, cher, are you Catholic? It's called "catechism." You can't get first communion or confirmation without learning about the faith, and if you're coming into Catholicism as an adult, you have to start from scratch before you can be baptized. Of course, now I'm an atheist, which you don't have to study for.

Terrific answer #1 Prudie missed that whole romancing the high aspect. As for #3, That one you missed entirely and so did prudie. I'll address that further in Isolutions, but the point is right there in the letter:

I'm up with the baby all night, and he's having a party downstairs.

It's not really about the porn, per se. If it were just random porn visits when she was out of town or there wasn't a newborn to care for (and a new mom who needs the break), I'd say you and Prudie were right.

And #4, you are once again dead on, and better advice than Prudie. Who the hell goes visiting the sick at mealtime without bringing something for the family to eat? When I was growing up, and now, even New Yorkers, much less my families in the Midwest and South, brought a casserole, something from the bakery, a six pack, anything. But not an appetite.

prudie tolerates in her own marriage?

my general impression (for no good reason) is that she affects a more liberal mien in the persona of advice columnist than she grants in her real life.

again, no good reason for this, just that one is more inclined to counsel tolerance in others but reneg on that advice when one's own feelings are wounded.

Iso,

I think it is only about the porn. She made no complaints that he wasn't pulling his weight. She only discovered the porn issue when she accessed the computer. Her "party downstairs" comment is made after she finds out he his doing something she doesn't approve. I feel that if he wasn't helping, her letter would have spelled out his shortcomings in depth, not just mentioned in a flippant comment.

The Cincinnati Squid

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He's got a point. I've always wondered why people spend their valuable time rehashing Prudie's points and repeating her advice as if they're making a valuable contrubution.

Entertainment. Why do people spend hours building a pretend football team? Why do people spend hours hitting a little white ball around with a club? Why do people spend hours writing numbers down in a square?

CincinnatiSquid:

Iso,

I think it is only about the porn. She made no complaints that he wasn't pulling his weight. She only discovered the porn issue when she accessed the computer. Her "party downstairs" comment is made after she finds out he his doing something she doesn't approve. I feel that if he wasn't helping, her letter would have spelled out his shortcomings in depth, not just mentioned in a flippant comment.

The Cincinnati Squid

I agree with both you and Iso. I think the LW feels that he isn't pulling his weight but may not be able to argue her point very well because he just might be. It sounds to me as if the porn was more of a last straw thing. We have to remember she is filled to the brim with hormones, stressed out, and sleep deprived. She may simply want him to feel as bad as she does, admit it we all at one time or another want others to feel as bad as we do. She needs to collect her thoughts on this and then have a frank talk with her husband. What exactly is her problem with the porn? What does she feel her husband could be doing that he isn't? Is there a better way for them to share the burden? They need to talk.