This was written in another thread, but I thought it deserved its own discussion.

Also, it is certainly a negative sign that this woman apparantly has no support group of family members, friends, or fellow members of a close knit social group (church, synagage, sorority, etc.) The disadvantages of our isolated society are smacking her in the face.

I don't want to get into a debate about religion, I am asking sincerely for myself as well as inviting theoretical discussion: what are good social groups for an atheist to get involved in- the kind of social groups that would offer real support?

Personally, I am involved in volunteering and a sports club. Neither group is especially close knit although I have made individual friends. I've considered the Unitarian church and may still join, but the local one is considerably more "spiritual" than I am currently comfortable with. My small town is very church oriented with few young female professionals, and I find that many people are continually occupied with church activities (often involving their young children) and that some people are not interested in a relationship unless I allow them to continually attempt to evangelize me.

I grew up in a religious family and never found a strong sense of belonging in the church, but there was still something bonding about all being part of the same organization and meeting together every week. I was part of a sports team in college, and enjoyed hanging out with my teammates (many are still friends but live far away). I don't want to relive college, but I do want to regain a group of supportive friends. I hope in a few years to move to a larger city and I'd certainly welcome larger city suggestions, but I'd also like to be socially involved until then.

The only thing I could think of is groups that are dedicated to support - like a grief support group. Maybe a singles group could be like that as well - more of a "we don't have a partner so lets take care of each other!" approach. But honestly I think you'd just get lucky to find something like that. Church has a lot of issues but one thing I'll say for them, they really have that whole 'love your neighbor' thing down.

book groups, knitting groups, walking buddies... I agree you might have to look harder for them, but there are tons of people who have formed themselves into groups to combat isolation. Often people will advertise on Craigslist or Googlegroups just to gather folks with similar interests.

You'd think making friends over the internet would be odd, until you meet them all at a party and realize they're just normal, busy adults, trying to connect.

Clara,

I too am an atheist but I have been friends at different times in my life with individuals who are religious but not into recruiting. Broad-minded individuals are out there, but the thing is to find them where they lurk.

One thing I found to be helpful in connecting to like-minded individuals is to start to do activities that are truly enjoyable to you that involve others. Not too long ago I took bridge lessons and there were some interesting individuals in the group, but my interest in bridge flagged. Next I tried art classes in the evenings and/or weekends and THAT has turned out to be both a fun pursuit in itself as well as a way of mingling with a group of interesting and interested individuals with compatible interests.

If you join activities/groups that you truly enjoy (adult classes, exercise groups, hiking groups, volunteer groups, political groups, etc.) you will be entertained while slowly introducing yourself into a circle of like-minded individuals. If you choose activities that are likely to attract informed and thinking individuals your chances of finding agnostics or tolerant religiious individuals increases exponentally

Good Luck..

I'm thinking school. I don't want to dump on social groups-- I'm sure some are fun. The brief encounters I've had with them, though, is that they feel a little staged, you know? Like you supposed to be there for this single purpose.

If you take some classes, you'll develop relationships in an organic way, and the best part is you'll go to battle with them. Hard tests, issues with the professors, some bizarre campus movement-- these are things that make real bonds between people.

I could basically divide my current batch of friends into three groups. One is the friends I inherited from other friends when I moved to New York. Two is, let's habitual friends. These are my neighbors and other people I run into often in daily life. Three are my school buds. In a lot of ways my school buds are the closest because we were joined in the same cause. When you spend a few years with the same people confronting the same challenges, it can develop some lasting feelings.

i think the point was finding groups that did not involve "reliving college."

Great topic choice! Hmmm… I think the biggest barrier may be the small population of non-church goers in your town (?).

A few suggestions off the top of my head: book club (as long as it isn’t the bible!), adult night class where there is student interaction (I made a number of friends in a pottery class), alumni associations and working on a cause that is important to you. I don’t know what kind of sports you are into but you could try a new one. Most people are happy to help a newbie. Also, if you are a runner (or even if you aren’t), the Hash House Harriers are always up for a good time. Road Runners is the name of another running club.

I don’t know how to phrase this delicately so please bear with me…support groups in different areas, usually medical (ie. depression, alcohol/substance abuse, etc) can be very close knit and nurturing. Hey, you could start a support group for atheists!

Disclosure: I am an agnostic.

join the democrat party. it is one big support group for the godless.

Knitting groups are good, lots of them around, and someone's sure to teach you--if you're the only man, don't worry. Ask at yarn shops.

How about political party meetings or community organizations? Maybe not the Pride Parade committee, but pick the community events and issues that might have the fewest proseletizers.(my faith speaks thru my work) Good Luck!

Thanks for posting this. My husband and I have often reflected on how there is no real secular substitution for the community of a church, which is a shame. I think part of what makes church communities work is the presence of children, which keeps parents on their best behavior and gives the kids a chance to build lifelong connections. Kids have a way of drawing adults together. If you had kids, I think getting involved with parent groups at schools, etc. can replicate parts of this. If you don't, it's tougher in some ways.

One thing I think helps is to try to live as close to our work as possible. A friend of mine is in a similar situation, and her situation is made worse by the fact that she commutes 90 minutes to work. So even if she felt like hanging out with a co-worker, they could live hours away from each other.

Another posisbility is to get a dog if you are already inclined toward animals and are willing to take on the responsibility. Dog parks, obedience classes, etc. are ways to meet people who are at least considerate enough to take their dogs on walks!

irvingchang: "join the democrat party. it is one big support group for the godless."

As if the republicans are any better. Puh-lease.

How do you tell when a politician is lying? ... His/her lips are moving.

To the OP: you could join a church group without actually believing in everything they have to say. Just mouth the platitudes and lip-sync the "prayers". Most of the highly religious people in these groups do the same anyway.

note: I'm also an agnostic

Thanks for the ideas.

Right now, a hiking group sounds like the best idea to me, and a dog in the future when I have a larger house/yard. I already have a grad degree and am not anxious to go back to school.

I am sure I would feel like an impostor in a medical support group. I am boringly healthy and undepressed.

Don't get me wrong, I am not desperate, lonely, or friendless. I am happy with the friends I already have and with my boyfriend. I'd just like to expand and find more of a community. I also realize that I am not an easy person to make friends with. I enjoy my work which is programming, am not into any stereotypically female activities, and don't want children.

I see other women getting involved with "fluffy" reading groups, fitness and weight loss stuff, and homemade crafts, and I see how I don't fit in. I don't want to change myself, and I'd be interested in finding other commonalities with those people one on one, but those aren't my communities. Maybe I'll just have to keep making friends with individuals and have to wait to find a community, that's ok.

I could not join a church group and pretend to believe. Faking a core belief does not seem like a very good way to build the trust necessary for friendship.

irvingchang wrote: "join the democrat party. it is one big support group for the godless."

Irving better defines "godless" with every post he makes.

I don't know all the groups that are available for women, but when I was posting the quoted comment, I was thinking about Rotary clubs, Elk lodges, and the like. My mother-in-law does Girl Scouts, even though she has no daughters. My father-in-law does volunteer work for the Red Cross and the blind HAM Club. All kinds of sci-fi clubs might work as well: a D&D group, Society for Creative Anachronism, Rennaisance Festivals. Public Radio stations in smaller markets have member parties or even travel groups. Art museums and symphonies have clubs for younger contributors. Bowling leagues can be a great place to meet people, and over time create friendships. My small town had a women's volleyball league. I've even heard of atheists coming together to form secular humanist "congregations" where they can meet and connect and form those social support networks (and provide "Sunday School" for their children).

I obviously don't know what things are like where you are, but there is likely some place where you can feel comfortable and supported.