Though I suppose not a friend, either. We're both too self-protective for that.
No rebuke intended, either. It puzzles me that you speak often of rebuking, punishing, dismissing, yourself. Some kind of noblesse oblige? I doubt it. I suspect pain is a bigger part of your life than you'd ever admit. (I wouldn't pretend to know what kind of pain.) You know what sometimes crosses my mind reading your posts? Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much . . .
How people feel about death is only a function of how they feel about life. So if you hate and fear death, be exceeding glad. I don't love life, but the reasons aren't entirely personal, e.g., fear of Alzheimer's. I wouldn't be the first man who concluded that existence is a tale told by an idiot. Nor the first such man who also had recurrent moments of Myshkin-like bliss. Such bliss has nothing to do with life, it is foreign to it, apart from it, yet it acts as an anchor holding me here.
I may share Myshkin's ecstasies but I don't have his epilepsy. My ancestor Helmholtz is said to have been epileptic, and my mother said her father sometimes went into quiet trances. I haven't been exposed much to people with the illness, so I don't have much feel for the stigma it is said to bear.
I'm much more familiar with the stigma associated with mental illness. The physically ill person knows he is not in a normal state. The mentally ill person often does not realize this, and by expecting to have his aberrant, and often damaging or frightening, behavior treated as normal, he sabotages our social instincts and responses off. I would guess something similar is behind popular feelings about epilepsy. Someone suddenly collapses, perhaps in a disturbing or frightening manner, and after a time gets up and goes on his way: it looks almost as if staged. (I hope what you say about treatment of epileptics--brutal to non-existent-- is an overstatement. I would have thought the doctors, at least, would treat these patients as patients.)
I've thought about your discussion of perceptions of illness in earlier times. You are probably right that the categories we use for analysis now distort our understanding of the perceptions our ancestors, at least our remote ancestors, had, and that in any event my distinction is too crude to be of much use. But still, what strikes me often when reading about the past is how like us they were. I don't agree that they had a "poor sense of causal relationships" (they simply couldn't see what we can "see") or that they "could not think precisely" (they could about what mattered, which for the most part wasn't abstractions). Of course they were wrong about everything, but then so are we. Others will someday give an account of the world that falsifies ours at least as much as ours falsifies theirs. In fact, it happens as we speak.