I think that the young man with the triplets is right when he says those triplets are his siblings. They are his siblings, and they may come looking for their biological family one day. The fact that his mother says those aren't her kids is disturbing. It's like she gave away a plant clipping. And, she did not simply give some little bit of blood to another family; she gave life to them.

It is also disturbing that this supposedly close family has such a major secret. This family is not close.

The other thing that I find scary is that this man hates these babies so much.

amntyler:

It's like she gave away a plant clipping. And, she did not simply give some little bit of blood to another family; she gave life to them.

It seems to me she gave them a possibility. Whether they made life or not was no longer up to her, which excludes her from parenthood so in that respect, it was rather like a plant clipping.

For the record, he said it happened "several years ago", so they're not babies.

And it's not as if he doesn't realize the hate is illogical--why else would he be seeking help?

amntyler:

I think that the young man with the triplets is right when he says those triplets are his siblings.

Biologically, yes. But we all know that biology is such a small part of what makes a family a family.

amntyler:

The fact that his mother says those aren't her kids is disturbing. It's like she gave away a plant clipping.

As I said above, biology is a very small part of what makes a family a family. Just ask anyone who was adopted or has adopted. Being a parent is more than giving some genetic material.

amntyler:

It is also disturbing that this supposedly close family has such a major secret. This family is not close.

No matter how close a family is, there are somethings that need to wait until the children are old enough to understand.

amntyler:

The other thing that I find scary is that this man hates these babies so much.

Well yes, he's irrational. Hopefully he realizes that he's being juvenile and grows up.

Exactly how biological is an egg planted in another woman?

It's the genetic material, and nothing else, that makes them half-siblings to that pathetic LW. It's not the sort of family relationship that we normally think of.

Just wait till all the bio kids of Sperm Donor Number A6493R2 come looking for HIM!

I find it strange that he's focusing on *these* three half-siblings--who, after all, were saved--rather than the hundreds that his mother has allowed to perish month after month. Surely such a sensitive young man sshould find that much more disturbing, speaking as it does to his mother's callousness toward her children.

<grin>

The other thing that I find scary is that this man hates these babies so much.

The mom DID give away a "plant clipping" What do you want her to do, sue for custody?

I wonder how this jealous asstard feels about abortion.

Amntyler, I think we are all in agreement that the triplets are the biological half siblings of the LW. What everyone is trying to tell you is that this fact alone does not make them a family. I am thinking you may disagree with egg/sperm donation by your comment about the plant clipping. Well some people feel that way. Fine.

However, with so much emphasis being put on the biological only, you are spitting in the face of adoptive parents/children, too. I have two friends that were adopted. Each has a sibling that was also adopted. Both of my friends consider their non-biological parents and siblings to be their family-NOT the birth parents or any children of them. One friend tried briefly to locate the birth mother and learned he had siblings, but then decided not to pursue it. My other friend said she knew her birth mother was a college student and that was all she needed to know. She said she never had any desire to pursue it at all.

The LW's mother is not disturbing for saying the triplets are not hers. They aren't. That is what being an egg/sperm donor or birth parent that gives their baby up for adoption is all about. As far as I am concerned my oldest son's biological father is nothing but a sperm donor. His stepfather is the one who helped me raise him so who qualifies as father here?

I will agree with you that this family may not be as close as the LW says, but not for the same reason as yours. I don't think the LW hates the triplets, but what is disturbing is that he is so insecure in his mother's love.

A lot of families that are close have secrets. Some secrets are best left secrets. I think this is one of them. I think the mom went into just a little too much detail. Saying she was at one time an egg donor was enough. Putting names and faces on the recipients of her donation was not necessary.

I am going to agree with you again, Am. If the other mom is as free with the whole story as the LW's, the tripletts may well feel some sense of confusion as well. Incog, this is not the typical sperm donor number whatever. These are family friends. Makes it a little messier and a lot better for the two original sets of parents to keep the details to themselves.

Am I the only one who feels this way? If my mom told me she was an egg donor X years ago, I would be surprised but not flipped out. If she then went onto say "remember the Johnson's and their 3 kids?" then it makes it kind of weird. There is your "ick" factor.

Again, Am I agree the family may not be so close if mom felt the need to tell her son all of this information. Nothing is stated as to his opinion on sperm/egg donations. We don't know if he said he thought it was a bad idea or what. If he did, then she definitely didn't need to go into it.

I do have a question here for a couple of posters. What does abortion have to do with this?

Sandstormz60:

I do have a question here for a couple of posters. What does abortion have to do with this?

If you are a 'true believer' type of anti-abortion person, you take every opportunity to bring it up. Relevance in any logical sense of the word doesn't matter.

amntyler and anyone else who disparages the donor egg/sperm process:

Please be aware that whether you like it or not, generations of children who were conceived with donated eggs are being born and will continue to be born now that this is medically possible.

Women who conceive this way do it with a lot of thought and, usually, after a lot of suffering. They have an understanding with the egg donor that she is simply giving them the gift of a microscopic part of herself so that they can bear a child. Neither the donor nor the birth mother (or her husband) regard it as any more of a connection than that.

By disparaging this process and calling it into question, please be aware that you are creating a stigma for the children who are born from this process. They do not deserve that. They are here because their parents longed for a child. They are loved and valued so much. If they are told about it in a sensitive way, they will always feel gratitude toward the nice (usually anonymous) lady who helped out their Mom. And that's where their feelings toward her will (and should) end.

Wendy

Wendy Moon:

amntyler and anyone else who disparages the donor egg/sperm process:

Women who conceive this way do it with a lot of thought and, usually, after a lot of suffering....

If they are told about it in a sensitive way, they will always feel gratitude toward the nice (usually anonymous) lady who helped out their Mom. And that's where their feelings toward her will (and should) end.

...By disparaging this process and calling it into question, please be aware that you are creating a stigma for the children who are born from this process....

Wendy

A. What is there about the word anonymous that is so difficult to understand?

B. How in the world are these women and kids going to know that anyone cares how the kids were conceived, let alone disparaged the process?

Not sure what your point is about anonymity, not sure what you're trying to say. But as for your question "How in the world are these women and kids going to know that anyone cares how the kids were conceived, let alone disparaged the process?" ---- These women and their kids go online like everyone else, understand when they are being disparaged (not as individuals, if that was where you misunderstood), feel the pain of being different. The women can handle it. The children are young and blameless and vulnerable.

We've been through this with sexual preference, race, a lot of things. Being born "out of wedlock" used to carry a huge stigma. This (being born through egg donation) is a relatively new thing, and I think we can do better than to just create a new stigma. My point was largely about keeping in mind the children who are conceived this way.