selfish and hypercompetitive.

I have to take issue with her contention about kids and rules. Kids often lack the insight into making rules to cover most contingencies, but they are very concerned about fairness. Just ask a kid whether there is one kid in the classroom who is teacher's pet and gets special privileges, and ask him/her about who that makes him/her feel.

The fact that adults condone abandoning clear cut rules agreed upon by the group teaches children that if they complain loud enough, long enough, they get their way. And since the group doesn't ostracize such a player, there is no social price to pay for being a jerk.

So does it surprise you that we have adults who feel entitled, just because they are themselves? That they think the rules/law doesn't apply to them. That we have athletes, CEOs, politicians, who do what they damn well please and are shocked when are lead away in handcuffs?

It is a sad state of affairs when the kid who wants to play by fair and consistent rules is seen as the jerk.

Well said. I would add that giving children clear cut rules and boundaries helps them feel safe and secure.

"The fact that adults condone abandoning clear cut rules agreed upon by the group teaches children that if they complain loud enough, long enough, they get their way. And since the group doesn't ostracize such a player, there is no social price to pay for being a jerk."

And thus another Democrat is born. :)

@Stop-truth-decay

you choose a bad example re teachers pet. all that may say is that the kid wished he/she was the teachers pet, rather than speaking to some innate tendency towards fairness in kids. now, if you gave as an example some kid in the class who always got a raw deal, i would accept that. unfortunately we know that kids often tend to pile on rather than stand up for this kid.

unevrno:

"The fact that adults condone abandoning clear cut rules agreed upon by the group teaches children that if they complain loud enough, long enough, they get their way. And since the group doesn't ostracize such a player, there is no social price to pay for being a jerk."

And thus another Democrat is born. :)

Oh, I don't know. Disregarding existing rules and creating new ones to suit themselves sounds a lot more like the current White House administration.

:)

Silliness. What's more important than simply "following the rules" here is the process of social interaction. Bazelon's article betrays incredible neuroses, but she's right about not being a stickler 100% of the time. These are kids--they'll adapt and change rules as the situation permits. Sometimes it makes sense to stay with the old rules, and sometimes the kids will want to change things up. By being a hardliner and not choosing battles wisely, a kid is setting himself up to be an ostracized loner. Knowing when to push and when to defer is part of the growing experience, and hopefully Bazelon's son will figure that out.

Stop-truth-decay:

So does it surprise you that we have adults who feel entitled, just because they are themselves? That they think the rules/law doesn't apply to them. That we have athletes, CEOs, politicians, who do what they damn well please and are shocked when are lead away in handcuffs?

You don't even need to look to the top to see examples of "the rules don't apply to me" syndrome - just drive around in Southern California sometime. You can't go 5 miles without almst bing mowed down by someone who is hyper-focused on getting to where s/he wants to go as quickly as possible, traffic laws and other people be damned. Nor do you need to look for handcuffs... remember the Senate Republicans threatening to change the rules of filibustering a few years ago so they could get judges through?

In this case I think Eli is right to insist on the rules, regardless of if it's a "first time" thing. If my understanding of the rules informs my descisions - which it will (Monopoly dice aside) - then changing the rules midway through doesn't fly. I admit that nobody likes a stickler, but it's not a huge leap from thinking that the game's rules are malleable to thinking society's rules are.

The fact that adults condone abandoning clear cut rules agreed upon by the group teaches children that if they complain loud enough, long enough, they get their way. And since the group doesn't ostracize such a player, there is no social price to pay for being a jerk.

There usually is a social price to be paid, probably in the form of 'let the baby have his bottle' or some other like comment. Kids can be brutally honest in that way. The complainer may get to second base that one time, but they will get no further up the all important grade school social ladder with such behavior.