I'm really suprised with The Fray regarding LW #1.

A lot of people are ganging up on the LW but I have admit that the idea of my father-in-law and my mother dating is kinda DISGUSTING.

That would mean that my husband and I would be step-siblings. I can't imagine what that would do to our sex life or (further down the road) to our children - who will be very confused.

What civilized family would go through with this besides 16th century royalty?

If any of you are okay with this - I just don't know what to tell you.

What the heck - if a marriage happens, they'll just be a normal American family.

They'r not breaking any laws, so LW needs to MYOB. She's acting like a complete self-centered jerk about this. Cry, gnash all you want--but you only end up looking like an idiot.

Lisa, you do understand the difference between blood relatives and relatives by marriage, right? 16th century royalty married their blood relatives, sometimes their own blood siblings (think "Fall of the House of Usher"). This situation is not only entirely different, it isn't even remotely similar.

And, if you find love between two consenting adults "kinda gross," you might want to consider if you and your husband intend to stay married and/or have any sex after your kids become 18. If you don't, fine, but, if you do, you might notice a bit of hypocrisy there.

The only problem with step siblings being together is the 'ick' factor of having grown up with them. It is hard to go from "Mommmm, John is picking his nose and wiping it on me!!" to "omg John, do me harder!!"

Given that the marriage happened between the two before the parents started dating, it obviously didn't happen that way. So the only 'ick' is if you are too self conscious to realize that other people can have happiness (and sex!) too.

TexasLisa:

A lot of people are ganging up on the LW but I have admit that the idea of my father-in-law and my mother dating is kinda DISGUSTING.

That would mean that my husband and I would be step-siblings. I can't imagine what that would do to our sex life or (further down the road) to our children - who will be very confused.

I find it odd that your sex life could be affected by whom your parents date. That strikes me as somewhat unhealthy.

If I were in this situation and someone from outside asked questions I'd just make light of it. "Yeah, i shouldn't have told mom about Bob's mad sex skills because now she's trying to see if it runs in the family." Or something ridiculous because I have horrible foot in mouth disease. Now, if the LW wants some seriously awkward step-family relations she should watch "Teeth," then she'd see her situation isn't bad at all.

TexasLisa, I thought I'd come to your defense. I, for instance, am getting married soon. I'm sort of young (22) my mom was sort of young when she gave birth to me (around the same age) and technically, my mom could still have kids (not that it would be safe, or that she would, but it's possible). What if you and your spouse shared a half-sibling as well as being step-siblings? I know that there isn't any actual incest going on, but when you get married, you become family with your in-laws and shouldn't have sex with them, right? There's nothing explicitly wrong about it, but why did this couple even go on a first date? I wouldn't be 'miserable' if this happened to me, but I wouldn't be so thrilled, either.

shootemupsally:

I know that there isn't any actual incest going on, but when you get married, you become family with your in-laws and shouldn't have sex with them, right?

Why not? The reason sex between family members is a bad idea is the genetic risk to any potential siblings. In any case, you become part of the family when you marry, that does not mean your whole family becomes part of the family. There's no word for the in-law of an in-law. (For instance my husband is of no relation to my sister's husband)

shootemupsally:

There's nothing explicitly wrong about it, but why did this couple even go on a first date?

I imagine that they were lonely, they ended up seeing each other because of the LW's marriage, and found each other interesting and/or attractive.

Sometimes even after they are old. I know you don't like to think about that. People generally don't like to think about it, but it's a fact. Someday, you will be old, too, unless you die first. Would you want your kids telling you whom you could date, if you were no longer married?

I know it's illegal in some states to marry a current or former step-child. It may even be illegal in some to marry a current or former step-sibling, if you lived in the same household. However, there is no law against 2 adults becoming step-sibling after marriage.

My ex even tried to set up my grandmother with his grandfather. We cared deeply about both, and he thought they'd both be happy together. The only problem was, they both were happy and content to stay single and to live out their lives in their own towns, which were hundreds of miles apart.

shootemupsally:

I know that there isn't any actual incest going on, but when you get married, you become family with your in-laws and shouldn't have sex with them, right?

I know a lot of people who have "double cousins". That is, their aunts were sisters married to two brothers. Is there a problem with that? Is it "different" somehow?

It could be worse. My daughter's friend's half brother is also his first cousin. To me, that would be off-limits. However, there's nothing illegal about it. As for the children being confused, no, they wouldn't be. The family they have is the one they know. When they get old enough, they'll realize that Grandma and Grandpa aren't each the parents of both parents. Little kids don't care who Grandma or Grandpa is, anyway; just whether they make tasty cookies, tell good stories, and have a comfy lap.

TexasLisa:

I'm really suprised with The Fray regarding LW #1.

A lot of people are ganging up on the LW but I have admit that the idea of my father-in-law and my mother dating is kinda DISGUSTING.

That would mean that my husband and I would be step-siblings. I can't imagine what that would do to our sex life or (further down the road) to our children - who will be very confused.

What civilized family would go through with this besides 16th century royalty?

If any of you are okay with this - I just don't know what to tell you.

What the heck - if a marriage happens, they'll just be a normal American family.

How is that uncivilized? They are two consenting adults that happen to like each other and are happy together. But then like the original letter writer you seem to be only thinking of yourself and how it might affect you. You are an adult, get over it.

Okay, okay - we all know it isn't technically (or ethically) wrong but can't you see how it might be just a leetle bit weird? I mean, I don't know about all this my-mother-can't-have-my-last-n­ame business (or the thing about church?) but I can definitely spot the ick-factor in this situation. I think I might be a little weirded out at first, at least...And not because of the thought of my parent/parent-in-law having sex (although that's not exactly a mental image I would want to dwell on) or because I believe my parents aren't entitled to be happy or whatever (which is just silly. Who actually thinks that?) but just because, well, it would just feel a little 'close', you know? Maybe a little too 'all in the family'?

I know most people here will vehemently disagree ('if it makes them happy, etc...') but can you at least see what I'm trying to say?

I agree with Jessica23.

I'd never presume to tell my parents who they could or couldn't date, what church to go to, or what their last names should be.

However, I am glad that neither of them are dating my boyfriend's parents. VERY glad.

My mother is already nosy. I can't imagine what a nightmare it would be if she started collecting personal information about my boyfriend from his father. I think the expectation to spend EVERY holiday with them would raised as well. I love my mother very much, but getting to spend some time with my boyfriend's family instead of spending every small holiday with her has been a benefit for our relationship. If that was combined... well I'm glad it's not.

I get that it would be surprising at first, and even unsettling. But when it's people that you care about, I think you have an obligation to go beyond that immediate visceral response and evaluate it on more grown-up terms. For example, it may feel strange to contemplate that you and your husband would legally, although not in any meaningful sense, become step-siblings. But, no one is breaking any laws, everyone involved is a consenting adult, and there's no evidence that anything is being done for any kind of bad motive. So even if you can't help your instant "wow, this is weird" response, you can decide whether you are going to wallow in it or whether you are going to be mature and try to just be happy for your parents.

I vaguely remember reading an article similar to this situation. I could be wrong on the details because it was so long ago when I read it. If I remember correctly: This young couple was getting pretty serious and want their families to meet. The parents of both partners were single, don't remember if it was due to divorce or death of a spouse. So the parents meet, and it turns out they had been dating for a while as well! And no one knew about the others relationships. Everyone knew that their parent/child was dating someone but not specifically who that person was. Again I could be wrong on some of this, it was so long ago that I read the article.

TexasLisa:

A lot of people are ganging up on the LW but I have admit that the idea of my father-in-law and my mother dating is kinda DISGUSTING.

I wouldn't go so far as to say disgusting, but I will admit to some uncomfortablness at the idea. I would probably tell my mom I am happy for her but she has to give me couple of days or so to get use to the idea, not to worry though because I will get use to it.

TexasLisa:

I can't imagine what that would do to our sex life or (further down the road) to our children - who will be very confused.

I too might feel and impact in my sex drive if I thought that I was having sex with my step-brother. Then again I probably wouldn't be thinking about making love to my step-brother, I would be thinking about making love to my husband. Similar thing for the kids. You could tell your children about how their daddy is also their step-uncle and their mommy is also their step-aunt, or you could simply tell them their daddy is their daddy and mommy is their mommy. Lets not complicate the connections if we don't have to, they will probably figure it out or start to when they are old enough to understand the connections.