Fill out and complete the following prayer:

"Oh Lord, I live in paradise and I bitch like hell...."

Winner must add at least 100 words in any format.

I will be the judge.

Death to demoncRATs!

Dd

Oh Lord, I live in paradise and I bitch like hell.... at least 100 words in any format.

I win !!!

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

"Make a right judgement." - Jesus

"Have I not called you gods, those of you to whom the Spirit of God came?" - Psalms

Dd

NightSwimmer:

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

1Jo 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

"Oh Lord, I live in paradise and I bitch like hell because I am a whipped cur who can never forget the beatings life has given me. Though You made--in fact, are--this very paradise I live in, I am unable to see it, or You; therefore I bite myself and my fellow man without mercy. Have mercy on me, who has no idea what mercy is. I also ask mercy for all those whom I compulsively wish--in Your name!--to suffer eternal damnation. Before forgiving me, please forgive each and every one of them. This I ask in the name of Fritz my guru, upon whom Your favor rests. Amen."

Okay Fritz,

You can have my trophy...

Nanotech:

NightSwimmer:

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

1Jo 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

I don't believe, perse, every bottle that is in my liquor cabinet... I don't know if they are godly or not. But I will try them.... repeatedly.

I make mead, and cordials... does that make me a prophet?

NO ONE bitches more than you do, to the point of calling for the torture and murder of your fellow humans. If you believe in a God of Love, you'd better pray for salvation and pray damned hard.

WWJD? Not call for "death to demoncRATs," I'd guess...

Oh Lord, I live in paradise and I bitch like hell because TV is filled up with inane reality shows and I'm too old and lazy to get out of the house and the wife wouldn't go out with me anyway so I like getting a reaction from unsuspecting passersby who are probably just as old and lazy and need the entertainment even more than I do. Besides, Lord, how will those other lonely souls ever know what a paradise they have if someone like me doen't turn them upside down and shake them out of their breeches? Anyway, I have this sado-masochistic streak I've been meaning to talk to you about, although now is not the best time. Suffice it to say I've always fancied having a crown of thorns placed in my head while people bow down at me feet and puke all over my unwashed toes. So forgive my indiscretions in this paradise because you know I'm just keeping the place safe. No serpent is going to approach me as long as I keep looking like the biggest serpent around this place. Amen.

predicto:

I will be the judge.

Death to demoncRATs!

Dd

Oh Lord, I live in paradise and I bitch like hell because I should be the judge of all of it. Father, I deserve it, to be the decision-maker here because everone else is just a pea-brain and needs to be taught something for their own good. God, I see the efforts made to improve the situation on Earth and I know they are just liberal wastes of time, since the Earth is going to end suddenly; very soon, and I KNOW I'm going to heaven, all glory and blessings be upon you (and me). But first, God, I know you've got work for me to do. When this will no longer be a paradise, I'll be fighting with your word - the sword of the Lord that will spill the blood of evildoers. Oh, that will be a glorious and bloody day. God, grant me patience and forgive my bitchin' because I just want you here with me so we can do in those evildoers. But I'll wait if I have to. Amen

eugh, I almost felt demon-possessed while writing that

Peace and Light, 2wit

"Oh Lord, I live in Paradise, and I bitch like hell....even though I made three million dollars last year, I had to give part of it to the government, who used it to pay for food and schooling for ignorant Negros and illegal Messicans. I whine and cry about having to pay a pittance so that the great unwashed can have health care and highways, even though I take huge amounts of their tax money to prop up my pollution-leaking factories and to subsidize the costs of moving their crappy little jobs overseas. Lord, please make the Ignoro-Americans see the wisdom of drilling for oil in their National Parks, so that my oil stocks will go up a couple of more pennies, and the great Saint Cheney can have a couple of billion more dollars in his retirement account. Oh great creator of all, please make sure that thy servant, John Dubya McCain, is elected president, so that we can send more brigades of cannon fodder to smash down the infidel Mohammed-lovers, and their wives, and children, and lo, even their kittens and little turban-wearing goldfish. We ask all these blessings in the name of Jesus H. W. Christ. Amen."

This is my favorite prayer.

Lu 11:2
And he said unto them, When ye pray, say, Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.
Lu 11:3
Give us day by day our daily bread.
Lu 11:4
And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.

No no no, you have to READ the contest rules. That's not the prayer doggie wanted u to say.......

Very nice, Fritz. I can't imagine anyone beating you out for the top spot unless, of course someone inspired gets in on the act. Now, you know there aren't any Gurus name Fritz, Fritz, so I know yer just funnin' me. I am not sure whether I should add points or deduct for humor of such a blasphemous nature. It leaves me with mixed emotions. On the horns of a connundrum or somthing like that.

Dd