"The Bras You Can't Live Without [before your] Period."

The bra I couldn't live without right before my period would be made of powerful compression fabric that's both breathable and soft as cashmere on my tender flesh. It would have a little pocket to hold ibuprophen and something that ends in "pam". Flashing lights would alert anyone in proximity of imminent danger, and there would be a small cattle prod in a holster on the side, to dispose of those who don't take the hazard lights seriously. Small wires woven through the fabric would deliver warmth, gentle vibration, and soothing nature sounds. The convertible version would double as a slingshot.