...I learned from romantic literature. Some examples:

1. If a guy ravishes you against your struggles and protestations, it means you are meant to be together.*

2. Any bad habits (gambling, piracy, farting, rape) will be cured when you finally have your giant white wedding**. If that doesn't work, have a baby. A baby will make him love you FOREVER.

3. On your wedding night, when you finally consent to allow his throbbing purple-headed warrior into your deep velvet love well, you are guaranteed simultaneous orgasms.

4. You can tell he loves you because he is mean to you. That is like hitting someone with your lunchbox, in elementary school.

5. Filling your eyes with tears and letting your lower lip tremble will make a man do anything for you.

6. When you meet your soulmate***, you will know it because he will have no flaws and will obey your every wish.

7. You can if the man ravishing you is meant to be your one and only for ever and ever, because he is Fabio. I don't care if he is a Maori warrior, he still better be Fabio.****

8. If your current rapist is not Fabio, don't despair, sweetheart, someday your prince will come.

Freki

* You know you are enjoying it, you tramp

** During the wedding night, the bride implants a chip in under the skin of the groom. This causes him to cease all personality and bodily functions until he can be reprogrammed by the bride's mother.

*** Fabio.

**** Some exceptions may be made for rakish pirate captains who look like Johnny Depp, but with more muscles and a bigger chin. Like Fabio.

I think Fabio is kind of icky. He gets the joke, though, which is rare for a celebrity/supermodel type.

I remember picking up my first bodice-ripper and being appalled at the amount of rape in it! If someone made a movie where the girl gets assaulted and then falls madly in love with her rapist, the feminists would be up in arms!

I don't really see the appeal. My ditsy younger sister loves them, though.

Freki

Well but how else are they going to make it clear that the virginal innocent would never ever do anything dirty??

That was what always got me - this mixed message of sex being a horrible thing yet somehow there was this one perfect man out there that would make it all ok.

I almost spit tea on my monitor. Brilliant, Freki!

I once read something about the whole thing being a 'safe' way to explore issues that one really wouldn't want to experience, but I have any issues that need exploring through prose, I'd rather explore them through something with a decent plot and some character development.

Note: Miss to Mrs does not equal character development.

And the Onion hits the guys' view - <link>

I heard that Fabio got into a pushing/war of words with George Clooney. It made me respect that Italian Stallion a whole lot. Clooney. What a dingleberry.

Oh, the shame. To think I wrote that entire post without using the word "turgid" once!

Somewhere, an English teacher is crying.

Freki

I think it's appeal is mainly rooted in a woman's insecurities, and lack of confidence in her ability to make her own decisions. And also due to social constraints that prevent a woman from acknowledging her sexual nature or validating her sexual desires.

This creates a senario where a woman will automatially rebuff any sexual advances from a man, but is unsure about her decision and cannot stand by it. To be overcome in that situation is to have the burden of decision taken away from you, which can be a sort of freedom, and to be able to experience sexuality without the burden of guilt from breaking social mores.

Or maybe I am making things more complicated than they shoudl be and the real explanation is really very simple. I don't know..

I agree with you in theory, Iphegenia, but what I don't get is why these books still APPEAL to so many women!

It isn't like women are expected to be meek, virginal, and incompetent anymore, right?

Freki

Because it's not yet socially acceptable for us to have a stash of real porn!

(There's a whole Friends episode about Rachel's book...)

Tell me about it. I have already gotten the spiel several times about how I can't be a feminist but also like dirty movies.

Bah, humbug.

Freki

Freki,

Good thing I wasn't eating or drinking while reading. Hilarious! Absolutely hilarious!

And The Onion thing, just as good.

Cheers.

Freki:

** During the wedding night, the bride implants a chip in under the skin of the groom. This causes him to cease all personality and bodily functions until he can be reprogrammed by the bride's mother.

Stepford Husbands