I am Jewish, and have so far been fortunate enough not to have close encounters with anti-Semitism. My mother has had problems similar to FLC's, though. Her co-workers often make comments like "but you don't look Jewish!" and at least one of them once asked her if they could ask my dad for financial advice because, you know, we're supposed to be so good with money. (FYI, they were asking to talk to the wrong person: Mom handles most of our insurance, investments and savings.)

Since the subject has come up, I wanted to ask for advice on how to deal with a situation like that, because I'm pretty sure I'm going to encounter it in the future. I don't think Mom's co-workers are really being anti-Semitic or hostile - they are just being kind of insensitive, and not realizing that their comments are inappropriate and based on stereotypes. What's a good way to get people who make these comments to realize that it's not an okay thing to do?

Oh, yes. There's another wrinkle in this situation: a lot of mom's co-workers are African-American, and if mom made the same kind of offhand comments about black people that they make about Jewish people, she'd be in hot water in an instant. She's also worried that if she makes even a polite objection to some of the comments her co-workers make, she'll get a similar reaction. Has anyone else here successfully dealt with this kind of situation?

I wonder if you pointed out the black / Jewish discrepancy, if that would help? Saying 'you know, I know you don't mean to sound prejudiced but if you think about replacing Jew with black - it could certainly sound that way to some people.' Well intentioned people would get it, idiots would not. Then you can decide if you want to deal with the idiots or not.

Of course, I was 29 before I realized that Jewish was a race and not just a religion.

I'm curious about the responses you might get. I am Jewish too but I never have had an anti-semetic problem (well not since first grade when I went home very upset for being accused of killing someone who I never even heard of at the time)

I am mostly treated with kid gloves whenever religion comes up; someone was once embarrased to order pork in front of me. Or I am treated like a novelty. There are some people who ask me all kinds of questions which I just get a kick out of.
I don't try to broadcast my religion at all but things come up around the holidays or that I went home to NY for my cousin's Bat Mitzvah.

Yes, not all jews are swarthy with hook noses and so 'vigilance' must remain our eternal watchword. Whoopi Goldberg has only 8% European ethnic ancestry and yet still considers herself to be a J.A.P. so even if you were drunk enough to contemplate sleeping with her, she still wouldn't put out.

I am Jewish also, and understand the dilemma LW is in very well. I recently left a Midwestern company that knowingly tolerates employee antisemitism, as well as racism, and sexism. I don't think the management is particularly antisemitic or racist, but tolerating it puts them in a bad light. They are definitely sexist. In the Midwest, this is apparently acceptable. In any case, I kept the fact that I am Jewish to myself, and always felt guilty/like a coward.

I would suggest LW talk to her boss about it. Since the boss has made the comments publicly in front of many people, put it in the context of being the best thing for the company. Perhaps someone in the company is Jewish, but not saying anything, as I was. The laws do not tolerate discrimination, and if someone made a complaint, it could be very expensive for the company.

Most Jews I know handle it by substituting their own stereotype, to illustrate how silly the other peope are. For insteance, if a black asks for financial advice, tell them you could provide it, but it would cost them 6 of the watermelons out of their patch. If they are dense and don't get it, explain that the stereotype of all Jews being good with money is jsut as silly as the one saying all blacks eat loads of watermelon. Or offer to trade for basketball lessons or something equally stupid.

If they are WASP and you don't know enough about them to pick a stereotype, go with hot-headed redheads, emotionally cold blue eyes, or passionate brown eyes. There's probably one for just about anything.

A very few, 2 or 3, handle it by lecturing the offender. Not only does this take a lot of time out of both their days, but even people who didn't commit these faux pas ..ses? learn to avoid the lecturers.

babyboomerandproud:

In any case, I kept the fact that I am Jewish to myself, and always felt guilty/like a coward.

I can't put on political bumper stickers, because I'd get h&!! from my coworkers about being a "liberal reprobate." Doing what you must within reason to maintain a healthy working environment isn't wrong. Participating in their actions would be. You could always have sued over the hostile work environment (I don't think "moderate" is a protected class, so I'm out of luck) but it would hurt getting the next job, or the one after that.

About not looking Jewish: I would get a puzzled look on my face, tilt my head to the side and ask,"What does Jewish look like?" And then be ready to change the subject when they start floundering around.

About finances: I would mention that my husband really doesn't handle the finance, I do but I would gladly help. Ask what the problem is. Then casually, in an off handed manner, "Oh, by the way what they say about Jews and finances simply is not true. I know this one Jewish couple who is in all kinds of debt."

I once had a Jewish girlfriend (we broke up when i found out she liked Adam Sandler movies) who would practise Jew Jitsu on any anti-semites she encountered.

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Did you really need to stereotype the midwest to make your point? Probably not.

Carlos Mencia has a comedy routine where he talks about being stopped in a parking lot by this WASP guy who said "hey, you look Mexican, I locked my keys in my car, can you get them out?"

Mencia said he WANTED to be offended, but he in fact DID know how to do it, and he HAD a slim jim in his trunk....."

"Damn, " says Mencia, "you are lucky you picked the right beaner!"

I am such a Heinz-57 mutt that people guess all sorts of wierd things about my heritage. I have people think I am Native, and one lady just assumed I was Iranian because I look something like a young Cher.* My mother and I were even stopped once by a group of Gypsies who chattered at her in Romani until they noticed her blank look.

I don't think I could hold my tongue. I would object to the woman's bigoted language with a fair amount of confidence, because this is litigation-land where anybody can sue for anything. I doubt the boss would be stupid enough to do anything to the LW if she spoke up, especially if she dropped keywords like "Better Buisness Bureau" and "ALCU".

But then, I have a big mouth and no tact. It might well backfire.

Freki

*The strangest thing is that Cher is not Iranian. I don't know where the lady was coming from with that one.

not Iranian, but close, freki - Cher's father was Armenian.

Freki, My grandma used to have a similar experience to your mom's in Mexico. She's 100% Scottish, but has nearly jet black hair (or did until her 70s, when she actually started to gray). When she and my grandfather would visit Mexico, she said many of the Mexicans would start speaking to her in Spanish. She was once directed to a river with a rock to do laundry, when she tried to motion scrubbing clothes.

Crazy what people believe based on looks.

"Crazy what people believe based on looks."

Yeah, then they see my Irish last name, and say "oh, I bet you like whisky, don't you?"

Yes. Yes, I sure do.

Freki

You're right, judge knott, I shouldn't have painted the whole Midwest with the bad brush. I specifically mean Springfield, Illinois.