I think that she should tell the other woman what she thinks happened and see if she wants to do the DNA. No matter how close this other family is, she may have felt out of place growing up too. Even though the things supporting her belief are few, she could tell the other woman that she feels that they may have been a mistake at birth and see if she wants to take it further. I do not believe that she should not go to this woman with anything more than a "let's see" outlook. Go with your heart, pray before you do anything and God will lead you. I know I would talk to her. Please let us know how it works out for you.

I KNOW YOU SHOULD TELL THE OTHER WOMEN. ALL YOU CAN SAY IS WHAT YOU FOUND AND PERHAPS SHE MAY EVEN BE THINKING HERSELF HOW YOU LOOK LIKE HER MOTHER. SHE MAY EVEN HAVE SOME STRANGE THOUGHTS OF HER OWN ALL THESE YEARS ABOUT HER OWN SELF AND FAMILY , SIMILAR TO YOURS...HOW DO YOU KNOW. YOU JUST MIGHT BE EACH OTHERS COMFIRMATION.

I DO NOT BELIEVE IN COINCIDENCES AND THIS ALL CAME UP FOR A REASON. DO IT AND SEE.

IF YOUR WRONG, THEN SO WHAT. IF YOUR RIGHT, THEN LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS THAT COULD COME OUT OF ALL THIS. LOTTA GOOD THINGS. (HEART MATTERS)

BOY OH BOY, PEOPLE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET TO THE HEART OF THINGS IN THIS COUNTRY. OPENLY TALK ABOUT LIFE AND DEEP THINGS. WHY IS EVERYONE SO AFRAID OF THE TRUTH AND WHAT IS OR CAN BE. NOBODY LIKES THE TRUTH, BUT LOOK WHAT TRUTH DOES.....MAKES YOU "FREE".

IF YOU ARE FEELING LED TO TELL HER, THEN BY ALL MEANS DO NOT DELAY. BE HONEST AND LOVING AND GO FOR IT.

LORI

MYSPACE/YESHUAZ GIRL

I think she needs to understand that by going forward, the outcome can go two ways...Good and bad. I had an paternal aunt who was adopted. For years she tried to find out about who were her biological family were. My father's sisters all knew who her biological family were but refused to tell her. It caused a lot of friction. Two years ago after one of my aunt's died, the truth came out. One of my aunts were sitting at a restaurant and a commercial truck went by and she immediately called another aunt. They met with the adopted sister and gave her the information. She looked the company up and contacted them. They were very happy to hear from her. They had been trying to find her as well. Unfortunately, her mother had died just two months previous but the rest of the family are just so happy to finally see her. My aunt went from feeling "disconnected" to feeling "whole". But then again, it could go the other way. I agree, pray.

Shame on Prudence for advising 'Someone Else's Child' to forget about it. This woman, and the other woman, as a matter of fact, both have the right to know their biological families and vice versa. How do you justify telling someone to not tell what they know/suspect for the sake of inconvenience?? I agree with the previous post - approach the other woman (privately) with all the evidence and ask her to find out the truth together.

Good luck, 'Someone Else's Child'.

I think Prudence with way wrong on this one.

The tone of "someone else's child" led me to believe it was made up, to be quite honest. It makes no sense -- she went to visit with her on the grounds that they had the "same birthday" -- and the other woman didn't seem to think this was a little strange? Whatever -- I just smell B.S.

Let's pretend the letter is real. Odds are it is not, because how would you look someone up based on they had the same birthday and were born - 20 to 50 years ago - at the same hospital, when you now live across country from each other, and have both possibly married and changed names?

However. If this scenario were real, and you were the other woman, how would you feel if this woman, who came to visit you once before claiming to be writing a paper for school, came back and claimed you were living her life? And THEN, if she had failed to prove she wasn't part of her family she grew up with, you did the testing. It's not cheap to do DNA testing, especially when there is no medical reason that your insurance company will pay for. And then, what if the tests proved you were with the right family all along? Can you say "stalker"?

IF this highly unlikely scenario were real, the ONLY way to proceed would be though an impartial attorney. One who can see about testing the claimant and her family of legal record. THEN, if it is proven she is not related to her matrilineal line, the lawyer can approach the other woman and ask if she is interested in pursuing it. IF she is, he can test her DNA against whatever relatives may have agreed to be tested. If there is a match, he can ask HER relatives of legal record if THEY are willing to undergo testing.

Of course, the claimant should assume financial responsibility for all of this. And at any point along the way, there may be roadblocks. Her relatives may not want to be tested, the other woman may not be interested, the other family may not want to be tested. There may even be no matrilineal relatives in one family or the other to test. Or, she can accept she is who she was brought up to be, and be happy.

Hi my name is Adriean and regarding someone else's child it is just my own opinion and experience, let it go. You can't do anything about now and all you will do is upset a family that is more than likely happy, and yes I speak from experience. A few years ago I found out that my father had an affair with another woman and had children with her. It was about 10 years ago when a very nice young man that I work with wanted to date my daughter but several people had mentioned how this young man and I looked alike. To me it was just a coinsidence no big deal but it got my curosity and then I heard a name being paged overhead for this young man and I realiazed he had the same name as me so I became even more curious, then I found out that his mother also worked here in the hospital, so I went to housekeeping where she worked and realiazed that I had seen her before a number of years ago. She was a little bit older but still the same person. Overtime we became acquaintances and we spoke more often and I began to probe little by little until I had gotten all the information I needed and yes she knew my dad although she did not know that he was my dad. So what to do next, needless to say I did not let my daughter go out with him and I told her why, she was 20 at the time and I needed to confide in someone. It has been several years now and I still work with him and his mom still works here (hospital) as well and we speak and say hi and how are you doing and are very nice to each other. I believe they are not even aware of who we are to each other and it's a funny feeling when I see him now with his two little girls. I have practically seen the girls grow up, they come here after school to meed their dad. I could have told him about my discovery but why cause pain to a what seemed to be a happy family and why upset my family and yes we are all happy and a big family at that, so why bring tears and anger let my father live with his lies or mistakes whatever they may be. My brothers name is Paul and I also have a sister named Alicia and many times I wish they knew who I was, but they never will. Imagine having to work with your own brother and your fathers x-girlfriend for so many years and seeing your sister every so often and not being able to be part of them, not such a good feeling but a wise choice all around. I know my father has not seen them for years and neither have we and so be it. Atleast I can live with myself.

Adriean

Incognito: I totally agree with your above post, but I don't know what you mean by matrilineal line? Do you mean your mother's line? There is mitochondrial DNA you get from your mother, which your brother will not match, only a sister or other female relative who is descended from your mother or her mother. Then there is the DNA you get from both parents, which would match your siblings. There is also the Y sex chromosome which men get from their father. So, did the LW have a living sister or mother or grandmother or aunt?

It is expensive to have DNA testing done.

PollyEsther:

Incognito: I totally agree with your above post, but I don't know what you mean by matrilineal line? Do you mean your mother's line? There is mitochondrial DNA you get from your mother, which your brother will not match, only a sister or other female relative who is descended from your mother or her mother. Then there is the DNA you get from both parents, which would match your siblings. There is also the Y sex chromosome which men get from their father. So, did the LW have a living sister or mother or grandmother or aunt?

It is expensive to have DNA testing done.

Yes, DNA testing IS expensive. That's why I think if SHE is the one who wants this information, SHE should be willing to pay for it. If she's really convinced this is true, perhaps she can sue the hospital or whoever was the last corporation that owned it, if it's defunct, to pay back the expenses and any perceived damages. It's wrong to disrupt a family without concrete evidence, say you are "sure" you belong in that family, and expect that family to pay to prove you belong to them. It's equally wrong to expect your own relatives to pay to prove you do not belong to them.

You can test male or female children to see if they are children of a specific man or woman. Since you (usually) know the mother for certain, you can test any two individuals to ascertain they had the same mother. You can test the children of two sisters to determine they are from the same line. That's what I mean by matrilineal line. All descended from the same woman, or from her female-only descendants.

The reason they usually don't test children of brothers to prove they are related (except in paternity suits) is obvious. The father can be anyone, but the child necessarily belongs to the woman from whose womb it emerged, barring a donor egg.

For instance, researchers tested Jesse James' sister's matrilineal decendants to prove that the "official" body of Jesse James really was his, and none of the many purported bodies around the country could be. Naturally, those who want to believe their local corpses really were he, refused to be dissuaded, as I'm sure this woman would not be.