Like the LW and her SO, I'm a teaching assistant in grad school. But my problem is that the biochemical companies I contact to get quotes for various special orders and supplies will often refer to me as Dr. _____, when I'm still several years away from getting that doctorate. I've tried correcting them, but it doesn't seem to help. They have a script; maybe it's even automated or something. But I'm a little afraid at times to forward the quote to my Advisor for approval in case he thinks I'm being pretentious and passing myself off as a Ph.D. to these sales associates. So I edit the message and then forward it, which seems disingenuous. But it's the only logical alternative, unless someone has a better one.

You might copy your advisor on your correction. At least then, they'll know you've tried. They may even have experienced or at least advised someone with the same problem.

Just tell your adviser in an informal discussion without making it into a big drama. It's really not that big a deal.

"Dr. Advisor, just so you know, when I contacted the biochem company, I used my name Mr./Mrs. lurker2209, but they keep assuming that I'm a professor here, so they keep referring to me as Dr. lurker2209. I admit I like seeing that, but I didn't refer to myself that way on purpose!"

Say it once and it will never be an issue again.

Both good solutions. Both contingent on my Advisor actually remembering that I've addressed the issue and explained it the next time I forward a quote. He's brilliant with the science, but tends to forget administrative details unless there's a clear and obvious reason to remember them. (ie budget paperwork that has to be filled out to get our NIH money) But you're right in that it's not a big drama. Mostly I just posted it cause I thought it was rather funny!

I agree--just present it to your advisor, even in a jokey way--"I've tried correcting them, but these guys keep referring to me as Doctor. Do they know something I don't know?" or whatever. I promise, your advisor probably doesn't care anyway.

I get this too, from book reps.

I think they know who's a PhD and who's not, but they think we non-docs like the ego boost they're trying to give... sort of like when a smarmy waiter tries to up his tip by greeting a table of obvious retirees by saying, "Can I bring you young ladies something to drink?"

I used to work in a restaurant with a guy who did this all the time, and it drove me nuts. He thought he was being flattering; everyone else (including customers) thought he was a transparent, charmless tool.

I work for a center that does scientific and medical networking so I get emails calling me Dr. so-and-so all the time. Not that big a deal. But then I get the international crowd sending emails with dear Sir. That, I laugh at.

lurker2209:

Both contingent on my Advisor actually remembering that I've addressed the issue and explained it the next time I forward a quote.

Maybe he'll forget you aren't a PhD yet! ;)

Before I got my research funding, I had this problem whenever I TAed. The students would call me professor, and I'd have to explain to them that I'm not a prof yet....

I think this is a common problem. Most people you interact with don't think about you enough to remember or care whether you have the degree--they just assume that when in doubt, call a person who probably has a PhD "Doctor." Honestly, I can't imagine your advisor thinking twice about it--he would probably assume that they called you that without your prompting.

I like my grad students--well, everybody except my undergrad students--to call me by my first name. But I want my undergrad students to call me Dr. or Professor. It's a subtle reminder to them of why they're in college, and I think it's good for them to remember that the person at the front of the room spent a lot of time studying the subject. (I think this is particularly important if you're young-ish and female, as I am.) About 5 times a semester, though, I get a student who calls me Mrs. I like to generally think of myself as a mellow person, but this drives me f*%king nuts. My name is not Mrs. MyLastName. I am married, but my husband and I have different last names. It irritates me that these students primarily see me as a married woman teaching their college class. (That said, I would not be a jerk and obnoxiously correct them. If they do it in an email, I just sign "Dr. MyLastName" as a subtle reminder.)

Hey, at least they don't call you "Mom."

Or do they?

BarnacleGoose:

About 5 times a semester, though, I get a student who calls me Mrs. I like to generally think of myself as a mellow person, but this drives me f*%king nuts. My name is not Mrs. MyLastName. I am married, but my husband and I have different last names. It irritates me that these students primarily see me as a married woman teaching their college class.

I'm sorry, this is an example of the kind if oversensitivity that promted LW's husband to leave uncorrected other's impression that he was a professor. I have never heard a college instructor, PhD or otherwise described as primarily a married woman teaching college. More likely they have spent there entire lives calling their teachers Mr. or Mrs So and So.

When I was in college, every semester I had classes taught by a "Mike," a "Professor Smarty," "Dr. Who," you name it. I just called everyone "hello," "excuse me," and "I have a quick question." Much easier to remember sometimes, especially if it was a hard to pronounce name. Or if I just simply forgot who was who.

Well, I didn't say they described me that way. But when you call your female professor Mrs. and your male professor Dr., that implies that you aren't viewing the female one primarily as someone with a PhD.

I don't think I'm being oversenesitive. It's just annoying. And I'm sure this is at least partially informed by the fact that they called teachers 'Mrs.' in high school, but there are lots of habits that people need to shed when they leave high school, and this is one of them.

You've earned your title and you're certainly entitled to be called by it. But, I think your deduction about how you're primarily viewed by a student that says Mrs.is ascribing way too much in the way of intent and thought process of your students.