Booo to your response to the about dressing up as cartoon characters! I don't entirely disagree with the idea that couples needn't force people to abide by their whims, but some things simply aren't important enough to protest. It is an honor to be asked to participate in a wedding, it says quite a bit about what a bride/groom think of you and your significance in their lives. To refuse based on the theme of the wedding is rude. If what she has to wear is more important than her role in the bride's life and special day, that is unfortunate. It isn't as if she's been asked to dress up alone, while the rest of the party is decked out in traditional wedding garb. If she's close enough to be invited to join them on that level on this day, she ought to be close enough to suck it up and have some fun. If people are laughing, it won't be at her personally. After all, this wedding isn't about her.

Your response is just nonsense. If it were a "nudist-themed" wedding, would you mind if she backed out for not wanting to expose her genitals to the guests? What if it's a "strapless dresses-themed" wedding, and her religion requires modest clothing? What if it's a "luxury you can't afford-themed" wedding? Is she supposed to go deep into debt because the bride wants a bachelorette party halfway across the country, and the wedding on a cruise ship? The mere fact that the bride asked her to participate does not mean that the "honored" person is required to go along with it. She's just required to be tactful in the way she declines.

You're funny. Nudist themed! I agree there are extremes. I don't agree that this is one of them.

Pick your own extreme. For this person, this wedding is over the line. An invitation to participate is just that, an invitation.

Personally I'd like to think I'd be a good sport, but honestly I'd have to buy into the idea at least a little bit. I'd wear a kilt for a Scottish wedding, for instance, even though I wouldn't pick that theme myself. I guess I could get into a medieval type theme (maybe that'll be my kid sister's thing). Something like superheroes or Star Wars would be a bit much, though. I'd feel silly, and that I wasn't truly supporting the couple.

once:

Your response is just nonsense. If it were a "nudist-themed" wedding, would you mind if she backed out for not wanting to expose her genitals to the guests? What if it's a "strapless dresses-themed" wedding, and her religion requires modest clothing? What if it's a "luxury you can't afford-themed" wedding? Is she supposed to go deep into debt because the bride wants a bachelorette party halfway across the country, and the wedding on a cruise ship?

Being too expensive or against the participant's morals are one thing. Their is nothing immoral about dressing up like Daffy Duck. I think it sounds like a fun idea, but then, some people's faces would crack were they ever to smile.

IncogNeato:

once:

Your response is just nonsense. If it were a "nudist-themed" wedding, would you mind if she backed out for not wanting to expose her genitals to the guests? What if it's a "strapless dresses-themed" wedding, and her religion requires modest clothing? What if it's a "luxury you can't afford-themed" wedding? Is she supposed to go deep into debt because the bride wants a bachelorette party halfway across the country, and the wedding on a cruise ship?

Being too expensive or against the participant's morals are one thing. Their is nothing immoral about dressing up like Daffy Duck. I think it sounds like a fun idea, but then, some people's faces would crack were they ever to smile.

For the most part, I agree, except for "there is nothing immoral" part. I think cutesy, "themed" weddings detract from what should be a special occasion marking two people beginning what will hopefully be the reset of their lives together. Because of that, I wouldn't be comfortable dressing up as a cartoon character for a wedding either, so I would rather gracefully bow out.

I meant to say "rest of their lives" instead of "reset".

Yes, it was an invitation, but the mistress of "distress" has already accepted. In all fairness, the bride and groom should have let people in on this idea before asking anyone to join the wedding party. That would make it easier to decline.

I am thinking they must not be all that close of friends if the bride didn't have an inkling of how she might feel. I didn't think Prudie's answer was too bad, but the bowing out needs to be done quickly so the bride has time to find someone else.

I would probably go along with the cartoon thing myself after asking "What!? And are you sure everybody else will look this stupid, too?" Prudie is right, though. You might just come out cheaper with the cartoon thing. I think I could put together something like a Minnie Mouse costume fairly cheaply. At least I could wear it for Halloween later instead of being stuck with some awful stuffy dress that is probably over-priced.

It does seem a bit silly and doesn't make it seem like a wedding as much, but if that's what they want... I hope the couple doesn't regret it later.

I was thinking the super-hero or Star-Wars theme sounds better than cartoons. But yeah, I would do it. I don't care much for big, formal weddings anyway.

I know a lot of incipient bridezillas won't like this: there is nothing more commonplace that people getting married. This is a special day for the couple not for the world. I'm usually happy for you, truly wish you joy and will bring a gift/cash.You don't have to impress me, get Celin Dion to sing or arrive in a helicopter. We can do it in the back yard. Just love each other and don't argue over dinner at my house. I too am sick of brides issuing wedding day edicts like they were fatwas.

Advising the wedding party they will have to dress like a cartoon characters is something that should be broached up front. It's still a choice to participate, right? It's not the last bastion of slavery, is it? Talk about not being able to wear the dress again. Perhaps I am humourless friend. Sucks to be you with such a friend.

There is nothing better in life than a happy marriage. I am more that willing to share your day, but not your narcissism.