This is another case of acceptance being shoved down our throats. Good, the LW is happy with her new relationship. But she can not expect everyone to be thrilled with her choice in companion. When you come "out" you run the risk of being alienated by your family, while the LW herself was not alienated, her companion was. These are things that the LW must "accept". Why must people who do not condone this lifestyle be the ones who are accepting and tolerant?

"Condone" seems like a very mild word to justify what DOES amount to disowning your child. This woman's parents are essentially saying, "Be single or else don't bother us." It's a harsh reaction, and to what? To a decision made by consenting adults that harms no one. My Chinese-American friend right now is in trouble because her father can't accept that she's seriously dating an African American man; nevermind that he's kind, employed, the same religion, and by all accounts in love with her. Now, why should her parents accept this state of affairs? Because they love their daughter more than their prejudice.

Not everyone is going to find acceptance from everyone in their choice of partners. As pointed out elsewhere, the parents might have objected just as much if "he" had been a different race, a different religion, foreign-born, educated at the wrong school, born on the wrong side of the tracks, or simply perceived as stupid or ugly. No matter how perfect one person finds the partner, the family isn't required to agree. Even if they really are perfect.

Why must people who do not condone this lifestyle be the ones who are accepting and tolerant?

Because they want to maintain a relationship with the gay family member. A family can choose not to accept the SO, but in doing so, they may be choosing not to see the family member either.

When a family rejects someone's SO, they are also making a statement about the family member. They are saying "we don't accept or respect your ability to select a partner". That's a pretty harsh message, regardless of whether the family member is straight or gay.

There's a point at which the family member has to say "accept my SO or don't--but I won't come without her". And the family that has to choose between intolerance and alienation from the gay member.

In my world view, rejecting a family member and his/her SO merely because of sexual orientation is immoral--I can't condone it.

I completely agree with Holly. If this woman wants to live in this sinful lifestyle its her choice and no one should be shamed into accepting it!!! She bears the full responsibility of her actions & the blame for upsetting her family. She obviously had to know of their beliefs.

True, the LW cannot force her parents to accept her sexual orientation or her relationship, and it sounds like she understands that. However, she does not have to accept their order not to tell her brother either that she is gay or that she is in a relationship. Further, if her parents refuse to acknowledge that her girlfriend exists, she has to "accept" it in the sense that she can't force them to do otherwise, but I think she is right to refuse to see them under such conditions--if there is an event to which the SOs and spouses of family members are invited or would normally be included, she can refuse to come if her SO is not permitted to attend.

People who do not condone homosexuality are not required to be accepting and tolerant, but they are required to live with the consequences of being intolerant, which may include the loss of relationships with their homosexual family members. If you love your child or sibling, but refuse to accept that he or she is gay and refuse to acknowledge their committed relationships and partners, don't be surprised if your relationship with that person suffers. (I might add, this is equally true if you refuse to accept that your child or sibling or whatever is dating or marrying someone of another race, religion, class, etc. This situation is not unique to homosexuality.)

Also, all the evidence is that homosexuality is not a "choice" or a "lifestyle," but that, for reasons not yet fully understood, part of a person's identity at birth. Where have you guys been? Hiding under a rock for the past decade?

Being gay is what's immoral. No one should have to accept that!!

Its just not natural by any standard.

That's a two way street Kit Kat. The queer has to understand and live with her choices.

What choice is it that the gay person is making, exactly? Choosing not to pretend to be straight? Choosing to remain single rather than find a good relationship? Or choosing to hide an important part of their life from the people who are supposed to be closest to them and love them unconditionally? Because being gay is not really a choice.

Not that I am trying to convince you, since someone who uses the term "queer" is probably beyond my persuasive abilities, but I am wondering what choice it is that you think that the LW is supposed to have made.

Also, if you're born gay, how is that not natural? Again, just asking.

letmroll:

Being gay is what's immoral. No one should have to accept that!!

Its just not natural by any standard.

Except maybe the standard of "in accordance with nature."

Rejecting one's children is rather unnatural.

Again you can't be born gay it is a choice you make.

Maybe I shouldn't use that term but I call them by the facts.

She will have to deal with her choices and shouldn't expect her family to be the understanding ones. After all she made the "choice" to live that "lifestyle.

I completely agree. She should embrace her choice of partner, understand that her parents' reaction is irrational, and live with the fact that they can't have a natural relationship with her unless they choose to.

Eventually I think her parents would repent of that heinous sin and reach out to her again, even if only in the duress of their fading lives. In that case, I hope she is generous enough to forgive them.

Nicely said, Kit-Kat!!!

You're right they should be forgiving, but not accepting of the choice of lifestyles she's embarked upon.

Just like you wouldn't be accepting of your child breaking the law of theft or murder,but you would be will to forgive.