I'm sorry...usually I pretty much agree with you, but I have to say you are way off base here. Why is this something that this woman should have to deal with by herself? I say, if she has proof, she has every right to contact the other family. They are, after all, her family. It doesn't sound as though she's looking to "switch back" or anything like that, so I don't see the harm in it. I think you're giving her the wrong advice 100%. This isn't something she should have to shoulder the burden by herself. EVERYONE is affected, not just her.

As many point out below, if LW were legitimately trying to figure this out, she'd approach her "current" family and get conclusive DNA tests before getting anyone else involved. Instead, she went on a psycho cross country journey and approached another person under false pretenses. That sounds like someone desperate for a good story. She should stop before someone gets hurt.

I don't see how you can call it a "psycho cross country journey" - there's no telling how anyone would react under those circumstances and I think she was smart to do some serious investigating without disturbing the woman she was "switched" with. I imagine that most people, if they seriously suspected they were switched at birth, would react in a similar fashion. Wouldn't the curiosity just eat you alive?

I for one agree with the OP and think this lady should at least raise the question and conduct the tests. That's the only way her mind will ever be able to rest on the subject.

And I think she's lying about the "college paper." First of all, what college course would ever assign anything like that? And if that were the assignment, why would a busy college student go to the trouble of tracking down not just anyone born on that day, but the one person born in the same (now defunct hospital) and then drive all the way there?

It sounds like she had suspicions to begin with (family issues, adoption fantasies, etc.) and made up the assignment so she'd have a reason to talk to this person.

You can find physical similarities between any two people, if you look hard enough... Just ask adoptive parents how often they're told that their kids look just like them.

The woman is delusional.

It is kind of interesting that everyone on this thread seems to be assuming either, a) that this lady is perfectly reasonable and has enough proof to go on, or b) that she's totally delusional or psycho.

There isn't enough info in the letter to make that determination. What makes any of you so sure of your viewpoint?

There is ample evidence in the letter to justify a conclusion that the LW is nuts, or that she's perfectly normal, if a little lonely. While the truth is probably a shade of grey somewhere in the middle, but what fun is that to discuss? I say, if she's not nuts, she should do a bit more research (DNA, etc) on her end before she sounds the alarm. But if she is willing to bust into someone else's family and drop this bomb without any actual proof other than a bad hospital and a (biased) perception of resemblance, then yes, I do think this situation has pushed her into the realm of delusional. I definitely felt an undercurrent of sadness about the LW's parents being dead - one of the stages of grief is denial. What better denial than to believe in a story that your real parents aren't actually dead?

After the creepy way she tracked the other woman down, the lies she told to gain trust, now she wishes to re-appear, with another, new, even more fanciful story trying to gain entry and her evidence is: She CLAIMS she has different blood type than her parents.

This woman is nutso. DO NOT let her into your house, much less your family.

If she is so sure, let her contact an attorney, and pay for DNA testing all around. Then, IF she has more solid proof, she can go forward.

Otherwise, dream up a different illusion and leave that family alone.

What better denial than to believe in a story that your real parents aren't actually dead?

She just said, All 4 parents are dead.

ah, yes, my bad - sorry. But, when she took off on the x-country trip with this idea already formed in her mind, she didn't know that.

Mad:

If she is so sure, let her contact an attorney, and pay for DNA testing all around. Then, IF she has more solid proof, she can go forward.

Best suggestion I've read yet.

tracking folks down. Maybe she should try:

http://www.doenetwork.org/

They call the people obsessed with this stuff Doe Nuts.

Good catch, Q! It does seem to be very interesting she just now comes up with this after her parents were gone. I wonder how/if she was disappointed to find that her "other parents" were gone too.

Not not only is it creepy that she tracked down this woman, but it's cruel to be telling her that this family belongs to the LW.

She definitely has problems.

The more everyone points out how weird her approach was, the more I'm inclined to believe that the LW is in fact a little loopy. It's probably already been suggested, but would DNA testing with her "siblings" prove or disprove they're related? I'm assuming the tests wouldn't be able to reveal if they all have the same birth mother and father.

DNA tests technically disprove paternity, but at a confidence level of 99.9% or better, which for all intents and purposes makes them prove paternity in 999 out of 1,000 cases. There are a few rare conditions that interfere with this: one is called mosaicism. Finding out that the LW is shares DNA with her siblings would be fairly straightforward and not very expensive.

I DID run DNA tests w/ my sister and on hair samples from my mom. It was conclusive; I'm not theirs. My journey cross country was not "psycho" -- I visited my daughter in another state, and the state where I was born was only a few miles away. I got an A on my paper; this was a college assignment to get my master's degree. I'm a grandmother, not some young ditzoid. And there is cancer, heart, stroke, and MS in the family who raised me. I contacted one of my birth brothers already; he has the same blood type as I do.

Why does it hurt to find out you have "extra" family members that you knew nothing about???