The idea that "women of a certain class . . . all yearn for divorce every day" is incredibly depressing. I am a 27-year-old woman, and in October I will marry my boyfriend of nearly 6 years. Despite being "flush with independence . . . and infinite choices" (the arms are a work-in-progress), I can still say without hesitation that my fiance is my best friend. Is this naivete? Will I feel the same way after several years of marriage? I don't know. What I do know is that it's not always going to be fun and footrubs -- and that's OK. There will be (and have been) times when his little habits and idiosyncrasies annoy me, just as I'm sure mine annoy him. But that's part of love. At least, I've always thought it was.

and if your nic is a clue, He's gonna need another binkie...

Never thought of that, since it's from a joke that predates him. Good one though.

Why even respond to someone like oicuateonetwo? Not only did his her it reply not make sense, at least to me, but it was irrelevent to the point at hand.

At anyrate, about half of marriages end in divorce, but half of them don't. I know plenty of happily married people who don't long for freedom or who don't continue shopping around for a better deal.

if your too stupid to understand, then how do you read?

Blankie, I wish you two all happiness. No class of people long for anything everyday. She's just makin' chit up. Either that, or she's just one sad, unhappy chick generalizing from her pitiful life to that of everyone else. Marrying your best friend, one that you've known for more than a quarter of your life, after developing independence and figuring out that neither of you is perfect, sounds like a recipe for a long and happy marriage. I hope your fiftieth anniversary party rocks!

Marriage can work. My wife and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary this October and every day, we pledge to be faithful to one another and care for each other.

Sadly, I've seen a lot of divorces, including my sisters, which has been particularly acrimonious. It other seems like the intensity with which one loved their spouse is equally matched by the intensity of the hate they have for each other once they split up.

The best advice I can give you, blanketmonster, is to never forget that you truly care about your fiance and don't lose track of what brought you together. Use that as a guide to help you through the rough patches. Never do anything to intentionally hurt each other and tell him that you love him everyday.

Great post Greatbear - it does take a daily commitment to being faithful and caring for one another. It seems simple, but when the daily obligations start piling up these are two things that can find themselves at the bottom of the list.

I think THAT is what makes a "daily longing for divorce" seem like an epidemic.

My husband and I just celebrated 23 years married - our youngest child will turn 20 in September.

There have been many rough spots. /understatement off!

I can only hope that the original writer of the original idea that women daily long for divorce was writing out of a hyperbole that sells.

To me, seeing that each day of my life I have a choice about what I do helps me stay grounded in the moment, in the present, and open to what is truly important right now.

Longing, yearning and living in any kind of a fantasy is dangerous business in the long-run. Not that I'm knocking dreams - I think dreams and aspirations, having goals is CRUCIAL. But living in a fantasy life of future happiness or longing for that 'greener grass' in some other iteration of life leads to no good thing.

To blanketmonster - good luck with your marriage! Sounds like you're on to something: getting to know each other, gaining a sense of self and independence - you have a lot of wonder ahead of you!

having been divorced (twice), I have found the person I was always meant to be with. But before I could do that, I had to learn to be completely honest with myself and open up to the possibilities that the "dream" man of my youth was not in fact the perfect person for me.

My husband is my best friend. We share many of the same interests, like reading and gardening and arguing over politics and history. But we do not need to do EVERYTHING together, in fact we do many things apart (he likes computer games and solitary time, I like knitting and talking with friends). But we make time to talk and be together. When I hug him I am "home". Yes, there are little things he does that drive me nuts, like losing his wallet, keys and cell phone on a regular basis and wearing plaid shirts and telling really bad jokes. I am sure that some of my habits drive him bonkers as well!

i think you are right to classify it "hyperbole that sells". But that is part of the problem. Too many people either are unable or unwilling to think in nuanced terms. Everything is extreme. "all men do this, all women do that". This morning on the Today show a man was complaining about how women are "always the boss in relationships". The nuanced thought would be to realize that the women he chooses are always the boss in relationships. The nuanced thought would be that if you find a mate who you communicate well with (which should probably be the biggest factor in choosing a mate, not attraction or even compatibility necessarily, as people change throughout the courses of their lives), that you can make it through any rough patches. But who needs nuance when you have hyperbole? Hyperbole makes better soundbytes, books and forms the basis for the majority of sitcoms and standup routines. None of which i particularly have a problem with except for the fact that people actually base their REAL lives on such.

blanketmonster:

The idea that "women of a certain class . . . all yearn for divorce every day" is incredibly depressing. I am a 27-year-old woman, and in October I will marry my boyfriend of nearly 6 years. Despite being "flush with independence . . . and infinite choices" (the arms are a work-in-progress), I can still say without hesitation that my fiance is my best friend. Is this naivete? Will I feel the same way after several years of marriage? I don't know. What I do know is that it's not always going to be fun and footrubs -- and that's OK. There will be (and have been) times when his little habits and idiosyncrasies annoy me, just as I'm sure mine annoy him. But that's part of love. At least, I've always thought it was.

Dear BlanketMonster:

I'm addressing ONLY you - I'm sure a lot of other readers will get angry and attack me, but I don't care about them, this is aimed only at you and your post:

You should stop reading this web-site right now. This web-site is for people (male AND female) who WANT to go through life whining about their problems. And yes, this sometimes includes me. But you appear (from what little I can tell) to have a fairly healthy, happy relationship with your fiance. GOOD. Stop while you're ahead. Don't spend your time reading and listening to the wails of the miserable people who want you to be miserable as well. If you spend enough time reading about 'relationship problems,' that is what might happen.

My Aunt (who helped raise me and is one of my best friends) got "bored" with her husband when she was in her early 40s. She's an educated, cool, funny woman, and she had a lot of friends who were divorced. They actively encouraged her to get a divorce, and proudly talked about how happy their lives were now, and how she could come along on the next "girls' trip" to wherever.

She is now divorced, and completely miserable. She is lonely (she calls me several times a week to say as much) and hasn't been able to hit the dating scene the way she'd anticipated - although she's not bad looking ... I mean, she is 45. And her friends' glamourous divorcee lifestyle seems a lot less so.

This is NOT because she's a woman, it definitely happens to men too - the 45 year old guy who gets tired of his wife and says to himself, 'man, I could be a player on the club scene!' Yeah, good luck with that, pal. Regardless of gender, it happens because (1) people get bored, which is natural to an extent, and (2) people immerse themselves in the language of 'relationship problems' and get weird ideas about how to fix things, and at the same time, open themselves up to unhappy singles and divorcees - male and female - who, for some reason, want others to be unhappy as well. You ought to avoid this mentality, and really, these people, by any means possible.

[Now, to the rest of you:] If you're not a complaining, bitter person who seeks to 'help' others by bringing them down to your level, then I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU and there's no reason to get offended. Sorry for the long post.

Now, to the rest of you:] If you're not a complaining, bitter person who seeks to 'help' others by bringing them down to your level, then I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU and there's no reason to get offended. Sorry for the long post.

If you are not talking to said people and if they exist, then doesn't that nullify your entire post? meaning that this is NOT such a website as you describe? (i'll agree with you that the actually XX bloggers comments aren't worth very much when i bother to read them. much more interesting commentary from the Fray itself- one reason I don't visit this particular board very often)

"The fact that women of a certain class yearn for divorce every day" sounds to me like someone who wishes all her friends felt like she did.

I've been married for 25 years. I've been in the absolute pits where I "fell out of love", and then I "fell back in love" all with the same person, and all without getting divorced. We have been to hell and back together. It's not easy, but it isn't boring if you go beyond the surface. I recently took a vaction with my husband and realized some things that I never knew about our relationship. And you have to decide that you are in it together as partners and friends despite what your "feelings" are at the moments. "Feelings" are temporary; relationships are worth preserving.

Deduction,

As usual (always?), I totally agree with what you say. For example, unwillingness to suspend immediate judgement and wade in (at least to the ankles) brought us George W. Bush 8 years ago and keep him in place 4 years ago.

However, I can't resist teasing you a little on one thing. To be a little more nuanced, wouldn't you agree that in some cases, if anyone in the relationship is boss, it is *always* a woman? ;)

Carolle :)

deduction:

If you are not talking to said people and if they exist, then doesn't that nullify your entire post? meaning that this is NOT such a website as you describe? (i'll agree with you that the actually XX bloggers comments aren't worth very much when i bother to read them. much more interesting commentary from the Fray itself- one reason I don't visit this particular board very often)

Well ... I guess I was talking to the original poster (blanketmonster), but I'll admit that was a poorly-worded last paragraph there. That's what I get for rambling on for so long.