have either of you actually been paired up with a bpd? truly, I wish to know. Unfortunately, those who think as you and intrasurfa probably never had, and if you did, didn't care enough to either help support via therapy, or being stable yourself. In most cases, those pairing with the unstable bpd are usually quite unstable themselves, looking for either a victim, or someone to blame their own problems on. Worse than an untreated alcoholic? Not even near close. Which one have you lived/given a chance with?
I was raised with a bpd, thank you. and you know what? Just a LITTLE understanding can go long distances in a relationship with one. Especially if it's your own parent. I've taken care of said bpd quite a few times since becoming an adult. Watching those (much like you, probably) use and then trash to the point the bpd could barely stand. There's more emotions that they feel than just anger. You probably never even considered trying to research what it's like for the bpd. If you were living with one and actually cared for that person (instead of only concentrating on what you can get out of that person, or ditching at the first sign of break down) you would have check that info out, and with understanding as to what is going on in that head, been able to live well with that person.
The one in my life has finally found a person who cares enough to not only acknowledge the bpd and how it affects them as a person involved, but how it affects the bpd as well. They are living beautifully well, and golly gee, the patience, love and understanding actually is making a very happy marriage! Who would have thought? None of you, but then again, you both sound as though if you had been around a bpd, you didn't care enough about them.
Yeah, I dealt with the lashing outs, but even as a child, I knew it was coming from somewhere else, and the bpd parent opened up, and we found ways to work together, and it's one of my best relationships, especially since this parent trusts me and I have her open honesty. It's not that hard to see when a bpd is crashing down, getting too ecstatic, or full of anxiety and frustration to the point of a lash-out. And it's not hard (as long as you are able to think of others than yourself) to know what to do. Using common sense, during a crash down, do what you'd do for a friend who's been heartbroke, either give the person time, or listen. Too much euphoria? Get the person out for a calming walk. Going to get into a rage? Give them the space instead of getting in their face. Believe it or not those rages don't last long. tried any of that? it's what you'd want if you were in those moods, or do you never lash out, feel low to an exreme?
As for the untreated alcoholic, very pathetic of you to say they are better. I'd like to watch as you live with one that not only rains your bank for their booze, coming home in a drunken state, either violent, or so sick, you have to clean up after them the entire night, every night, and watch as they kill themselves this way, and perhaps, even innocent children as they drive home.
Yeah, drunks are much better, aren't they?
As one who grew up with one, I have a better say than either of you, thank you.
Relationships with a bpd can be very warm and caring. Only if you could be caring and understanding enough to find out what's going on. They don't go into lashing out rages out of the blue. There's always something behind it, whether from in the home or something that built up over a work day.
Yup. alcoholics are better, you can work with a relationship real well with an untreated. Tell that to my loved ones stuck with them and abandoned or abused, or to the mothers who lost kids to them. Love your logic.
