If you had any wish of ever getting this man's attention again, as soon as you both decided to start dating other people, that is what you should have done dear. Hopelessly in love or not, that you were pining by the phone, a sure thing for him, gave him no reason to call. He knew you would be there when, or if, he did. Had you immediately gone out and shown him that you too have other options, and he , though important to you, was not the beginning and end of your world, he may have been inclined to rethink his choice. Perhaps not, this may have just been his weak spined way of exiting your relationship without feeling as if he had done anything wrong, but either way, you would have been out with others having fun and showing him that you are a beautiful desirable woman and he was not the only man who was interested in spending time in the light of your company. You are better off without this guy, even if it does not seem so now. I wish you much happiness in your life and any future relationships.

Better advice.

Dress to impress and go to a few high class clubs. Dance with at least 10-12 men you find attractive and be sure to give them all your name and number. Go out on some dates with those who follow up.

In a short time you will wonder what you ever saw in the creep.

Bonus: Have sex with one or more of these new dates and be sure to share that information with the creep. I assure you that the guy will suddenly start telling you he wants to be your BF again with exclusive rights to your love. But hopefully at that point you will be looking at your other options and telling him he is better off being a "friend".

19th century advice with 20th century mores.

Meh. Once he wanted to start seeing other people and stopped seeing her, the relationship was dead. She should definitely stop pining by the phone (does anyone do that any more these days) and get on with life.

Playing the stupid, "I'm so great, look I have plans for Friday with *someone* else" game is no way to have a sucessful, emotionally fulfilling relationship.

It may not be the way to have a "fulfilling relationship" PG but it works and not everyone wants a "fulfilling relationship" before they are ready to marry.

Having been on the other end of a game player more than once I can tell you that if I knew then what I know now I would have done things differently. Mom tells you to treat women with respect and honesty-I did that and spent many miserable nights because of it. Only when I started treating them like dirt did I have dates and eventually love-and that love was earned-not given-and THEN I gave love and respect.

My advice to boys and men will always be that women are like a monkey in the trees-they never let go of one "branch" until they have another in hand. They never appreciate love given freely but prefer to have to work it out of you. I have seen that over and over again. I may not understand it or like it, but it is what the reality is. I am sorry this is the case really-I always enjoyed the company of women before I learned the hard way-I just didnt get any appreciation for it.

This does not "work" Its just perpetuates the same painful pattern of gender relationships.

It's not Love till it's mutual. And Mututal Love can even overcome a bunch of dated relationship advice.

Unfortunately it is extremely rare for mutual love to just happen. It evolves from something else.

"Real" RML, have you been burned one too many times?

as a woman, I find your attitude sad. Could it be your attitude that got in the way?

I am divorced from a fellow who felt the need for many other women in his life. I have stayed happily single, not looking back for more than 2 years. There are more women out there happy to not have a love, going without until the right one shows up.

You just may need to revise your search. and stay away from those who are still talking too much about their "past" boyfriends. (good sign they aren't over them)

Fridhem,

I have been happily married to a woman for over a decade now and we have a family, a home, etc. My point was (and is) that this didnt come about by being a respectful "nice guy". Originally when I was in high school and initially in college I followed the advice my friends who were women gave me-they said women want a guy who treats them well and who respects them-of course it took a while (I was slow) to realized that these same women were dating complere jerks-and that they spent lots of time with me but had no romantic interest in me-the result was a lot lof lonliness (made worse by the fact that the women I wanted to be more than friends with were not feeling the same way about me).

So one day I got real mad at the situation and simply stopped being a girlfriend with a penis for these women. I stopped being available for times their jerk boyfriends were not available-I stopped listening to their problems-I stopped being the male shoulder to cry on, I stopped being that "really nice guy". It was hard to do this-I missed the company of women a lot-but I also knew that what I wanted from these relationships (companionship and yes-romance/sex) was not happening. I spent the better part of a year going out alone 3-4 nights a week.

When I finally met a girl I liked a lot, I quickly fell into my old ways and was soon being a nice guy in every way-after going out with me for three months she went back to the jerk ex boyfriend. So I did something smart-when she called me up to hang out "as friends" I told her absolutely not-I told her I couldnt be with her as "just a friend" and I was sorry but she would have to look elsewhere for that kind of friend. She was mad-she reminded me that I was friends with lots of girls-and I told her she wasnt "lots of girls". She kept on trying to be with me "as a friend" for months while she went out with the jerk. Finally she gave up, dropped out of school, and I got an occassional letter from her.

For the next several years I made damn sure I wouldnt fall into the nice guy trap again. I had several girlfriends-sometimes more than one at a time-and I never let myself become a wuss boy again. And then one day that girl from college called me and asked to hang out "on a date". I dated her for a year while dating other girls too and finally she told me she couldnt share me anymore-I had to let her go or keep her. I told her that she had hurt me quite bad in college and I needed time to be sure-so I dated her and a couple other girls for a few more months while she dropped all other men and told me that was what she was doing.

A year later we were married.

Like I said-make it easy and your life will be hard. Make it hard and your life gets so much easier.

Unfortunately I can't bring myself to treat women with little respect. Possibly due to the fact that 95% of my family are female and I don't get along well with the other 5%. So I keep falling into the nice guy trap.

I've always told myself that I'd rather live the rest of my life alone than have to conform to not being myself. However, like some other guy on fray said a couple of weeks ago. He started off looking for meaningful relationships until he reached a certain age, (23 I think). Then he simply started looking for sex and in all fell into place. Some of the women I believed concurred with what he said.

Looking for sex is a little simplistic. Sex is what we want but it is also what women want along with the rest of the romance package (that is why I say romance instead of sex).

The fact is that if you act like a "friend" for free that is what you become.

I recommend any man tired of being a doormat check out www.fastseduction.com

Note that many on the site are indeed just looking for ways to get a girl into bed, but the tips about attraction will help a gentleman too. Whether you use it for bed partners or as the path to a real girlfriend is up to you (women hate the site-a sure sign it is a good site).

Keep in mind that when I did what I did there was no internet-today there are so many resources a man once didnt have. Secondly remember this-if you go into any bookstore or pharmacy or newstand you will see tons of womens magazines with helpful advice on how to attract and keep men-it has been that way for decades-now try and find that for men to find women and good luck......I dont mean porno or "mens magazines" either-I mean there is little source for advice for men. Only recently have books like the recent one that inspired the "Players Guide" made it big (kind of silly-it looks like a Bible) but again most of these guides are really useful but their objectives often leave what we are discussing behind and move on to getting a girl into bed-not unhelpful but because of that part women will always claim these sources are bad-they are not. Think of them like any tool-how you use it matters. Obviously dont leave the book or the link where it is easily found-but share it with other unhappy single guys-there is a better way than being alone.

Cool, I'll check it out!

No humans or dogs were intentionally harmed while in the making of this advertisement.

Good luck Yanny.

A man who is successful with women is kind of like sausage. The women love it but would hate it if they knew how it was made.

The tips and ideas shared there are great. I used many before they were all collected and nicely organized as they are in the players guide-but they WORK!!! If nothing else it will make your life a lot less boring and lonely.

The Real RML:

Unfortunately it is extremely rare for mutual love to just happen. It evolves from something else.

Usually, the something else is a solid friendship and some common background.

lol,know what's sad? Real, you sound like I do! I'm the one who is stuck as the "little sister" to all the guys. Cute, but not the girlfriend or date material. I listened to their input and got in all sorts of unhappiness. Oy. Once thought I had a great relationship, it was not. ah, live and learn...

I've finally got to the place you were able to when you found your true love. I've given up, and am just not looking. Focusing on trying to re-figure what I want instead of trying to please the other.

Kudos to you for getting a happy ending!