The LW needs to make peace with who she is. She needs to figure out what makes her happy and pursue that. If she is for example, a cardiologist, and wants to have a nice practice nearby her house, that she finds satisfying and rewarding etc., she should determine that and pursue that. If her sister wants to be cardiologist of the year, and chairman of the cardiology department at Johns Hopkins, that's what works for her. There will always be someone better, smarter, prettier, richer, more "succesful" however you define that, etc. If you know what it is that you want, that other people have other things won't bother you.

I don't think saying something to the younger sister is out of order. It might be helpful for the younger sister to become clued in to a pattern of thought that might be driving her choices.

dlbguy, I agree with everything you said except the last paragraph. If younger sister is trying to pull older sister's chain by choosing the same profession, it will be instant gratification to her if older sister confronts her. Someone in another post on this letter suggested counselling for older sister to help her deal with her feelings and I think that is a super idea.

I think the older sister needs to seek some therapy. She's a doctor for crying out loud. It's not exactly an easy profession to get into. They don't give a license to practice medicine to just anyone. She's obviously an incredibly talented person who does not see in herself what other people see in her. If your younger sister is following you in your choosen career path it's most likely because she looks up to you and wants to be viewed in the same way she views you.

I've been through this same thing as an only child who got the lucky gift of step siblings during childhood. I always thought my step sister was trying to punish me by taking the same dance classes I did or buying a guitar like I did. But, it wasn't about her wanting to be better than me...it was about her wanting to be just like me. And, I think that's pretty darn cool!

Nobody in their upper 20s decides to become a doctor just to pull somebody else's chain unless she has serious psychological problems. Med school is a lot of time and expense just to get a rise out of your sister. If big sister wasn't equally screwed up, she'd realize there is absolutely no need to confront her. Even if she somehow gets into med school and makes it through, she'll be starting out deep in debt at close to 40, while big sis will have an established practice and be looking at vacation homes.

Little sister might be following her own script of having to be the smartest, prettiest, most successful child not to get a reaction from the LR, but to keep getting (or keep trying to get) the love and approval of mom as the favorite.

Arachne646:

Little sister might be following her own script of having to be the smartest, prettiest, most successful child not to get a reaction from the LR, but to keep getting (or keep trying to get) the love and approval of mom as the favorite.

I agree that that's a distinct possibility. That's why I think if the LW said something, e.g. asked, why do you think you want to be a _____, like me, li'l sis might think a little more critically about her decisions and what exactly drives her.

i dont get the sense that she's a specialist with a lot of advanced training, since she's only 30, and doesn't consider herself all that bright.

general practitioners tend to lament their imprisonment in this career if they aspired to surgery or medical research.  and i didn't detect a lot of caring towards her patients, nor empathy with her sister (not much of a bedside manner)

No, she said she was a specialist. She said that Caity was thinking about pursuing the same profession and even going into the same specialty.

I agree that Caity is far enough behind her that it won't make a difference. Also, in several years of medical school, Caity may change her mind about the specialty. She may find something she likes better. If she hasn't yet gotten into med school (which "thinking about pursuing the same profession" implies she hasn't), she might go to a med school in a different city and end up practicing someplace different. So many things could happen.