All right. I have to say that the letter about the bra thing really screwed up my week. It's like saying to someone "don't look at the pink elephant" and expecting them to look away. Pathetic on my part.

However, that being done, I was on Michigan Avenue twice this week. Not a normal state of affairs, but I have to learn to use the MacBook. To do that, I have to do the one on one training thing. I haven't decided if I hate that yet, but I'm getting bloody sick and tired of the 11-year-olds in the Apple store looking at me like I'm off my nut.

That's another story though. I had to GET to the Apple store, and Michigan Avenue is full of tourists. There are more crimes of fashion per square inch than anyone can possibly imagine, even for the New York contingent here.

I've concluded that there are a bunch of things I DO NOT want to see ever again:

1. Boobs bobbling out over the top of transparent tank tops. Ladies, you bought those tops in the PYJAMA section of the store.

2. Boobs drooping out the bottom of cropped t-shirts. That is so over. Next time, try buying the whole shirt.

3. Pubic hair sticking up over the waist band of pants, shorts or jeans. Hello, wax?! How about doing up that fly button?

4. Cottage cheese asses hanging out the bottom of shorts, skirts, and cutoffs.

5. Man-titties under tank tops meant to be worn by tall, skinny basketball players. Guys if you have that look going AND your belly is hanging out the bottom, double sinner, go straight to hell.

For all those posters that were ranting and screaming that people have the right to wear whatever they want - shut the heck up. Have a care for the public good and the sensibilities of normal people everywhere. The simple fact of the matter is that NO ONE should be out without underwear. If you don't like that idea, then suck it up. I don't want to know.

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I've also, after having seen all this been at the gym three times this week. I an genuinely flummoxed at some of the nasty behavior I've seen in the locker room. It's yucky stuff, kids, so hold on to your seats:

1. Toenail clipping. This is sitting on a stool clipping toenails and not even TRYING to catch them. No handy wastebasket nearby, either.

2. Callous sanding. Same situation. Ick.

3. Tweezing the missed bits from a bad bikini wax. This lady was standing in front of a mirror with a pair of tweezers, picking away and having a cell phone conversation. I have to admire her dexterity, but her decorum leaves a whole lot to be desired.

4. Sitting bare assed on the same stools that everyone else has to use to put their shoes on. There are THREE SHELVES full of clean, white towels there, ladies!

___________

So, am I just noticing this stuff for the first time? Are things getting worse? I swear that in the last week, I've seen double the amount of mutton dressed as lamb than normal. Is it the weather?

If there's to be a poll, here it is.

What is the ickiest thing you've seen someone either wear or do in a public area lately?

It's a little tamer here in obsessive-compulsive land. We are a few years (light years, sometimes) behind the rest of the world, so we still have teenagers wearing dark eyeshadow, spiked hair, and clothes with chains hanging all over them.

The worst thing I've seen lately was a rather flabby young mother hoisting her two toddlers into the shopping cart at Wal-Mart. She had a short top and low-cut slacks, and all of the back-flab was effing tattooed. Think of a sort of squishy figure eight of flab with multicolored cartoons all distorted because of the squishing. Or better, don't think about that and have less nausea in your life.

What's so difficult about the MacBook? New, unfamiliar OS? Bad ergonomics? Improper setup? A Mac is SUPPOSED to be easier.

I just sat through a 2hr lecture on the financial opportunities for women corporate presidents given by a woman with ferocious camel-toe. She was wearing those skintight Levis Bendover slacks that someone told her she looked hot in 30 years ago and they were beige and the whole effect was very distracting and mesmerizing and...lifelike.

. 5. Man-titties under tank tops meant to be worn by tall, skinny basketball players. Guys if you have that look going AND your belly is hanging out the bottom, double sinner, go straight to hell.

Messy, I might not always agree with you, but I always read your posts, because you certainly have a way with words.

It makes me wonder; does she run a chain of adult video stores? She should hire herself an appearance consultant and invest in a full length mirror.

....you might be turning gay. What else explains the fascination with women's body parts?

That said, like I had to, I gotta say you're a joy to read. Something soothing and right about MessyOne.

It's only supposed to be easier.

For example, you know when you get an attachment inside an e-mail with Windows, all you have to do is click on it to look at it, and you don't necessarily have to save it, right? Not with Apple! No, you have to download it, leave e-mail, open the PDF directory and look for it there. Even then, you can't see it by clicking on it, you have to click on it AND hit the space bar. WTF?

Another fun thing. I put in a disc to load some software. With a Windows machine, when you're done, you just PUSH A BUTTON on the side of the machine, and it pops out. On a Mac, you have to hunt for the "up" arrow with the line, and hold that for five seconds. Less than five, nothing happens. More, and it kicks out the disc, then sucks it back in too fast for you to grab the sucker.

See, the software is pretty easy. It makes sense.The mechanics of the thing are not only completely unfamiliar - you're gonna love this - aren't in any guide, instruction sheet, tutorial, or even "Mac-Book for Dummies". To get the disc out, I had to call the support line.

I went shopping this weekend and went to the Gap, a store I tend to like. I tried on a nice dark red shirt with little snaps near the neck. I looked in the mirror and I swear I could see my bellybutton straight throught the shirt. It didn't look sheer on the hangar but it was certainly sheer on me. I could feasable see a flat chested woman wearing that and being able to see everything.

I am absolutely repulsed by people who have a huge stomach overhanging their pants. On either men or women. I'm not saying loose weight, just get a pair of pants that fit!

Some time back, a woman with a backside about 72" around was on the escalator in front of me, wearing strech shorts, at least 2 sizes too small, which were so stretched that you could see her support panties under the hem. Ick.

Not as bad, but almost as disturbing, was the woman in the sheer (panyhose thin!) top and Frederick's bra. I'm not sure, but I really believed a tthe time that she was a "working woman" out shopping for supplies.

A woman down the stret checked the mail in very thin, tight white capris, with black briefs on underneath.

And back when "running shorts" were first popular, like the 1980's, a guy was out in a pair of them, with executive length boxers underneath.

Obviously, these all made an impression, just not the kind they might like for them to have made. Except for the second one, of course.

Ok, here's another oppportunity to rant about bad computer programs!

You might want to go and be more assertive with the person who set up this machine for you; this is not how things are supposed to work. Sounds like you may need a different email package. WTF, indeed!

The MAC should run email, directory services, and a PDF reader simultaneously, in resizeable windows. You can do that in nearly any modern operating system. The newest MAC operating system is substantially a Linux clone, so you should be able to run a whole lot of windows simultaneously.

That installation and disk reading/ejecting problem sounds suspicious. If the native MAC software won't do that in a convenient manner, there is most likely a program out there (a patch) to do it. At the very least it should give you the software equivalent of a button on the side of the machine.

A lot of tech support types make fun of users after saying basically, "go read your @#$@# manual". Anyone who tells you to RTFM when the information is not there needs to go back to flipping burgers.

I haven't noticed any terrible behaviors - I feel bad if I wear pleated pants or a shirt that puffs out around the belly, instead of the nice trim lines I know I should be wearing. I guess I don't get out among the hoi polloi enough.

Worst thing I did recently was to wear black briefs under my karate pants. They're more sheer than I realized, especially when sweaty. It's also pretty bad if I forget to bring flip-flops and end up wearing home my work shoes (black leather steel-toes) with the karate uniform.

tonto_goldberg:

A lot of tech support types make fun of users after saying basically, "go read your @#$@# manual". Anyone who tells you to RTFM when the information is not there needs to go back to flipping burgers.

I wasted about an hour and a half with a certain hardward manufacturer's on-line chat the other night, after spending about 30 minutes trying to follow printed directions. I work with engineers daily, so I'm no slouch on the technical side. The manual said, set it up using the choice of configurations listed on page 8. However, when I tried to find out how, it said help was available in the software which came with it. However, the hardware was one which can be used with or without a computer. My application was without. I looked through every sheet of paper from the box, and that's the best I came up with.

So I loaded the software on my laptop, and it couldn't run without the hardware being connected. Since I wasn't planning to hook it to the computer, I didn't even buy the correct cable to do so. I went to the website, and after about 20 minutes found the on-line chat, which required (like it's a surprise?) another software package to be download.

So I load the package, and manage to get someone. At one point, she called me "Bruce." She never answered my question about how many people she was helping simultaneously. Finally, I told her to get a supervisor. Like the first person, she said, "So you want help connecting this to your computer?"

Long story short (I have the text transcript of our conversation at home), after I disconnected, I still knew as little about the product as when I took it out of the box. The last hour of the conversation was pure stubbornness on my part, to see if the knew WTF they were doing. They didn't.

Within 5 minutes of disconnecting, I had hunted and pecked my way into setting the thing up. The next morning, I spent another 2 minutes setting up some options. Jerks. That's what Indian outsourcing does for you. I wonder if the Slate V infant will come without the proper software downloaded.

We were at a flea market. If you ever want to people watch, the flea market is the place to go. There was a lady with tight pink spandex bike shorts and you can see the cellu-load though the fabric. She was such a sight, that my friends and I did a double take and she saw us turning our heads! I felt bad about that, but come on!

IncogNeato:

That's what Indian outsourcing does for you.

I believe the dumbing down of tech support preceded the outsourcing. The same rules apply - if you can get someone who knows what they are talking about, instead of a script reader, you might get somewhere. (You may well have to pay extra for that kind of support, though.) And yes, there are plenty of Indian IT tech support folks that know what they are doing (and speak English that a bright American can understand). The trouble is, the good ones are <1% of the total, just like here.

One of my favorite outcomes from tech support is when they tell you, "No, you can't do that." It saves me from wasting time, chasing down a function that ought to be there, but isn't.

We all have cellulite. All of us. Some women just seem to be willing to throw it all out there for the world to see, I guess. Yuck and double yuck. Do they have full-length mirrors, or have they just given up?

Here's another politically incorrect statement that might get me in hot water: There are some garments that should never, under any circumstances, be manufactured in size 12 or above. Bike shorts are one of those things. So are yoga pants (they're NOT meant to be tight). Short shorts - bad. Cropped tees *shudder*.

Me, I cover my ass in public. I figure it's the least I can do. Even if I did have "buns of steel" instead of "buns of um....not quite steel, but not too bad", I'd still cover my ass in public.

Another fashion faux pas, and one that has me stymied in this hot weather is the multiple strap thing. I saw one woman sporting three sets. She had on a bra and a camisole under a lined dress. What the heck is that? Was there a point to that? None of the straps matched up, either. She looked like she just tossed on every stitch she had in the closet.