I'm sorry, but this one really pissed me off. I often have to go braless, because I have to wear such an incredibly large size, and barely make enough money to pay my rent and bills, let alone go pay 50-100 dollars for a custom made bra. I wear another shirt under certain clothes that make it a bit obvious that i'm not wearing one, like when i'm at work. And yet I still have this problem of people harassing me and/or complaining about me to my manager at work, because I wasn't wearing a bra. IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT SOMEONE WEARS UNDER THEIR CLOTHES!!! Really, why does everyone seem to feel the need to tell others what to do or how to live their lives? If this woman doesn't want to wear a bra then it is nobody's right to tell her she has to. Stop sticking your nose in her business, and stop staring at her chest if it bothers you so badly to see it.

Actually, not wearing a bra is similar to wearing a too-short skirt that shows what nobody else wants to see, or a man who goes to work wearing just a wife-beater sleeveless t-shirt. It's gross and unacceptable public behavior.

That wasn't what the letter was about. The LW's "friend" was a member of a group and the bra problem became a group problem. I didn't get the impression that money was a problem for the "friend". Your situation is not necessarily the same.

There's also the fact that the friend apparently doesn't like how she looks without a bra, either, since the LW reports that she was complaining that she didn't look good in the photos. It's also not clear that the friend is extremely busty or requires custom-made lingerie, just that she's busty enough to require a bra, which is true of most people with a B-cup or more.

Whose business if you aren't wearing a bra? It's NOT like her brests are hanging down to YOUR waist! It should be an individual choice whether or not to wear a bra. She should be reminded when photos are going to be taken so that she can bring an emergency bra to change to just before the cameras come out. Other than getting photographed, who cares if she goes braless? Aren't there other things to look at besides her torso & how far down it 'they' hang? Try looking at her face or the scenery around you for a change!

( . )( . )

I beg to differ with you but I have a dress code I must follow on my job. I must wear a white bra, colored is not allowed. I could be sent home if I wear a peach colored bra under my work shirt. Lots of employers emforce a dress code.

My grandma had gigantic breasts. She wore a corset over her chest. I have an overly blessed bossom and fully understand the excessive costs of finding a supportive, decently made brassiere in my size. That said, the price of going outside or to work in a bra is nothing compared to the price I'd pay going braless.

You have a point but your admonishment is not plausible for every woman to follow. Plus your situation is not the same.

pbev:

I beg to differ with you but I have a dress code I must follow on my job. I must wear a white bra, colored is not allowed. I could be sent home if I wear a peach colored bra under my work shirt. Lots of employers emforce a dress code.

Now, I'm not sure where you work or what kind of shirts you are required to wear but how in the world does your supervisor or boss know what color your underwear is?

This is not a good comparison. In the cases you mentioned, there is skin exposed. I agree that a wife-beater tank top or an extremely short skirt might be inappropriate in certain venues, but if she goes without a bra, it does not imply that her breasts are out there for all to see, just... unsupported.

I have to agree that it seems like an entirely personal choice. Unless she's wearing a cheesecloth blouse or a chainmail shirt, I'm not sure that any rules of decency have been violated; just the rules of slavish conformity. :-)

This is ridiculous. It's one thing if she's going to work, where rules of any sort should be followed if one wants to keep their job (unless he/she wants to protest an unfair rule).

When will we stop forcing women to strap down their body parts so that WE feel better? Because it makes us uncomfortable to see big breasts unsupported? Shame on the LW's friends--grown women! older women!--for acting like a bunch of thirteen-year-olds discussing someone else's bra-wearing habits.

Why don't we force men to strap in their nasty beer guts while we're at it? How come no one is calling THAT vulgar and indecent?

The real fact is that a woman's chest is distracting. Ask any man. As a woman I find it distracting when women of any age have busting cleavage out of their necklines, or sagging boobs. It's all too close - too "out there" for all to see - or try not to see and look in other directions. While I'm not busty - I still always wear even a stretchy old bra or a sports bra if I'm working around the yard and am looking for comfort. It keeps them from hanging around or bouncing when they shouldn't. That's the difference between a beer belly and boobs. Beer bellies don't bounce all over the place. I was a hippy as a youngster and went braless for about 10 years - but that was before kids and nursing and have enough sense to not do so now. It's just plain manners - it's not about society trying to strap women into uncomfortable stuff - there are plenty of sports bra for all sizes - that are not expensive - try a sporting goods store, even Sears. And for the lady who complained about not being able to afford a custom bra - your insurance will cover breast reduction for medical neccessity. If your chest is realy so large that custom bras are needed your doctor can provide medical back up to show that your back and shoulders and even breathing and circulation are being impacted and reduction surgery is called for. I even know a woman whose life was saved by reduction surgery when they discovered breast cancer that did not show up on the mammogram.

Just wear a bra - they make all these comfortable stretchy things that don't give tremendous support - but they keep the girls from drooping down to your waist. You'll look and feel better. What's the big deal? Is it about comfort - or is it about rebellion? Do you brush your hair and teeth each day? After all these years we're still trying to rebel?

A former a neighbor of mine was an obese woman who would do yard work in a tight T shirt with no bra. She looked, quite frankly, disgusting. I tried not to be outside when she was out looking like that in case she would come over to talk to me and I would have to try and avert my eyes from those bovine-like breasts, hanging almost to her waist. Fortunately, she hired a lawn service and then would remain indoors and no longer expose the neighbors to that unpleasant view. I would have had a similar complaint to a highly unattractive man exposing too much of his flesh in public.

Guts that hang out of shirts ... bleah.

Geez, pbev, wherever you work sounds pretty hardcore. I just hope you aren't wearing your white bra under a white shirt.

Also, fireytiger, there are cheapo sports-type bras at the Wal-Mart and other discount stores. I'm getting vicarious backstrain and chafing just reading your letter. Yeowch. If you're so off-the-charts that you can't get your big-girl-sporties there, there's always the internet. If you can afford a second shirt, you can afford to look around for something to make your life and work situation easier to handle.

Also, why not tell anyone at work who has the nerve to be all, "Your boobies are unrestrained!" that if you had a raise you could afford a proper over-the-shoulder-boulder-hold­er?

SuzytinNY:

Just wear a bra - You'll look

And if she doesn't care how she looks?

SuzytinNY:

and feel better.

According to the actual person, she feels better without it. Why would you possibly contradict her?

The top post on this one didn't relate to the situation in Prudie's column at all; either that or she started a random rant without reading the letter. Lots of venom there.

Because I wear a white blouse and bras are mandatory. The men wear white shirts and their undershirts are mandatory too. Lots of employers have dress codes.

There was a young lady at my work who used to wear colored bras. When the boss took her aside to tell her to go home and change, he made sure he had two witnesses when he talked to her. It's called CYA.