It's up to the grandma to explain to the kids how she was back in college.

The kids will see the example, understand the pain and shame that comes with it, and maybe be less promiscuous.

Grandma should own up to it, she owns it to her grandchildren.

It's time for the mom to let kids ask granny who grandpa was.

It's only fair.

LW could have been a product of date rape.

I disagree. Grandma in no way owes her grandchildren an explanation of her sexual behavior. The LW has all the information she needs to explain to her children what's up. She doesn't need to shuffle her duty off onto her mother.

I doubt the kids would understand the "pain" and "shame" that comes from unprotected sex at this age. By time they're old enough to engage in sex, they'll be well into the, "it can't happen to me" age.

The kids eventually may need or want an actual answer, like "Bob Smith is my dad." But if they don't know who Bob Smith is, that's like telling a kid all about the birds & the bees, when he really only wanted to know what to write under "sex" on a form.

And really, unless they have a disease which requires a related donor, it's none of the kid's business to get details. When he's old enough for that to be an issue, "Bob" will be too old to donate, or even dead. For all the kid cares at his age, he was found under a cabbage leaf.

The LW KNOWS who fathered her. She KNOWS where he lives. Read the bloody letter! She is the one with the problem. In fact, she's the ONLY one with a problem. If she's that desperate to find things out that are none of her business, then she can contact the guy. If he tells her to piss off, then that's the end of the line for her.

You're demanding that descendants punish a woman who chose to raise her child alone for reasons that are her own just for keeping her own counsel on a personal manner. No one gets to do that. Gran has chosen not to talk about it and she is within her rights to do that. No one has the right to take her privacy away from her.

Had you considered that she might have been dumped? Beaten by her boyfriend? (Yes that happens all the time - you don't have to be married to be abused.) Maybe she was raped? What if he's an alcoholic loser? Maybe the guy is just a miserable jerk and the daughter really was better off not knowing him.

As for the grandkids - it's none of their business, either. They weren't there, they have no stake in any "answers" that might be out there, and Gran owes them nothing.

Give an age-appropriate response to the children. A five year-old is not going to understand promiscuity.

I'm still choking on the words "shame" and "promiscuous". Damn! Evolve much?

...that other women are so willing to essentially paint other women as whores without knowing any circumstances at all.

And it's STILL no one's business but hers what the kids find out.

Thank you so very much, at present i'm being racked over the coals, just because a daughter in law got bits and pieces of the story, about my Son born in 1969 and who his father was. She has used her version, to poison my Grand children's minds, and prevent me from knowing my Grand Children. Obviously my Son isn't with her anymore, but I had nothing to do with that decision. Her attitude has poisoned there innocent minds, to the extent of restricting their Dad, from having a equal and loving relationship. I would like to know what the statistics are, on how many Dads want to be Dad, pay support, and are still prevented from seeing their children. My son, never touched her wrongly, has no criminal record, and works very hard. All she wants is the equation of how much money she can get, not how balanced of loving parenting could be realized.

This has become his problem, and it isn't even anything that concerns him. That sucks.

I suspect that this information was an excuse for your DIL to do something she planned on doing anyway. If she's denying your son visitation, then he needs to get his lawyer involved and right now. He's going to have to fight for access to his kids.

Sadly Mom, you have to step back now. Until the divorce is over, there's not a lot you can do.