No wonder the mom's confused...her own unresolved conflicts regarding the body and nudity are being passed on to daughter! The clue comes in this sentence: "We have discussed modesty and she understands that we keep our private parts covered." Then Mom lets the daughter swim naked in a not-completely-private setting, a pool. A four-year-old isn't yet able to understand the concepts of public and private. She can be taught, though, what is okay when alone/alone with mommy and how we act in social situations ("when it's not just you and me").

Four year olds will do these things (rub butts), so Mom can relax, but keep an eye on the kids for the kind of over-focus that might be connected to having been sexualized by an adult or older child.

Oh but the mother is afraid to teach her about what is public and what is private, because she doesn't want to tell her that anything is wrong, shameful or dirty. She's sending a very mixed message letting her daughter swim in the pool naked *doh!* And now she's overly concerned about her comfortability when doing the naked "bump" with her cousin.

I think the biggest mixed message is that we are somehow supposed to teach childrennot to be ashamed of their bodies and yet we are supposed to use cutesy names to refer to body parts?!? Butt is a perfectly acceptable shortened version of buttox. My son has a penis and testicles, and he both knows and uses these words. We cannot begin to teach children that bodies aren't shameful if we can't bring ourselves to use simple, anatomical terms like breast, vagina, penis, testicles, and butt... Give me a break!

Just earlier today, my 3yo niece came up to me and announced, "I just moved up to size 6 underwear! See?" And then immediately dropped her drawers to show me.

Of course, I laughed. But then I tried to explain to her... "You know sweetie, it's not a big deal, but you should really keep your pants on. We wear them to cover our underwear."

She looks at me with a perfect innocent expression, and replies: "But Grandma showed everybody her underwear last time she came to visit and everybody laughed."

Which got both my sister and I laughing, because it was perfectly true. We didn't exactly come from a family with many hang-ups about vulgarity.

"Well, sometimes you just gotta' worry about what other people think. Don't sweat it, but do try to keep your pants on."

I am sorry I guess I am a prud, I feel 4 is to old for this behavior. She will be or has started pre-school soon, and if it is ok to do at grandma's pool, Why not at a birthday party with all her friends. I feel in this day and age children need taught to keep more clothed not less. Reguardless of the talks you have with her children if you allow certain behavior it will continue possibly at times when you are not looking and it is not save.

sorry last word should be safe.

Hi!

In the first years,childrens are courius and they can imitate and see things as good,because their inocence.I'm the mom.I'm the adult and I'm the one who is responsible for my child. Maybe the way I wos raised,in my opinion, it wos good ,for other people maybe not,and there are good tips that I can use to raise my own child.

I'm a mom of a six years old girl.And for me my daughter''s life, in every way, is so important.What she learn now,is what she will practice in her future.If I accept every single thing as good or inocent ,for her it mean that there,s nothing wrong about it and her behavior.They have to go to school. What about if she shows a behavior that is not apropiate for other parent or the teacher? I have been dealing with that since my daughter started school, and not because her,it wos because other classmates.This little situations will bring other bigger.Actually,in our society,there are different opinions about sexuality. If you care about it, now is the time to teach your child. So mom, my opinion, you should take care about this matter now.If you consider as rigth the way you wos raised,teach the same to your child.Look araund just a little, and think about it.You are the best model for your child.For other there's nothing wrong about your matter,but this is your little treasure.God gave to you to take care of it and learn to repect the body is one important thing and be naked in front others it is not good ,eccept you and granma,doctors,that's other thing!

Kitty Cat

Uh....there's no issue in this perfectly innocent situation that couldn't be remedied with a couple of swimsuits.....since when did a four year olds happy dance solicit this kind of complex angst?

As the decades go by, so do the goal posts. Bringing up children is one of the hardest jobs anyone can take on and it takes more work to do it properly. In the ‘70s and early ‘80s we were not exposed to as much as we are today, through society and the media. I find that children are so much more aware of sexuality and its innuendos at an early age. There is nothing wrong with skinny-dipping in Grandma’s pool but given the exposure today, no matter how we raise our children, we have to keen about their knowledge intake from all sources in and outside the home. I would not mention this again to your daughters this summer. The less attention brought to the situation the better. Next summer, however, perhaps say, “No, bikini bottoms on!” Leave it at that. No discussion. When they start to develop you then say, “Bikini top on!” Leave it at that. That’s just the way it is. Children do not always need a reason. Parents are in control. It’s called behaviour modification. Worried Mom, your daughters are always going to be all right with the right guidance.

Nem Worth

Buttocks is the correct terminology. Butt is just a crude version of it. It ranks right in there with ass. If you want your kid to sound refined and not like a street gang member then teach them better sounding words. Little kids don't need to be exclaiming about their butt or anybody elses butt in pubic and you KNOW they will at some awkward moment! And let's not forget the derogatory term "butt ugly" - I for one think "tush" is a very acceptable and classier way to say it. If you let you kids start out with saying "butt" for their buttocks then it's just a short step to the kids saying "tits" instead of bosom or breast and that's as crude or more so than butt.

When I was four years old, I wouldn't have skinny-dipped anywhere even if you paid me. I can remember my mom getting me a bikini at that age and I was embarrassed to no end when I had to wear it--I told her that it was too much like just wearing underwear. I've worn a one-piece ever since. I don't recall ever being taught that my body was sinful or any garbage like that--I guess I was just one of those kids who didn't like to be naked.