This has been a source of trouble for me...the whole discipline thing. Having studied, Behavioral Science, worked as a social worker, primarily in Behavior Modification...I had a few skills under my belt before having kids, which has helped. But nothing prepared me for the complete frustration and stress involved when it's your own kid. :)

I have to say first that no form of discipline will be effective when used improperly or inconsistently. AND what works for one, might not work for another.

My oldest (almost 4) does time-outs like a champ, they are VERY effective. It hurts his little feelings to be sent to the chair for even 30 seconds, and we have a chat and a cuddle afterwards discussing why he shouldn't do what he did, and what he should do instead. Usually the length of time-outs are determined by how long it takes for me to gather my thoughts, calm down, or clean up whatever mess has been made...because he can be impressively creative in his curiosity/naughtiness. But, he's not a malicious kid at all. Usually time outs are never longer than a minute. I think there was an incident involving poop that was maybe 2 minutes. But, he's a sensitive kid, and even raising my voice to my "I mean business" voice gets his attention.

My daughter (almost 3) has an auditory processing disorder...a timeout, and a chat will NOT get across that she did something wrong. She just sits there, and sucks her thumb, and when it's over and we talk about it...she's like..."Hi, Mom! What's up!" There's NO connection to her behavior and the time-out. A single swat on the tush and a two to three word communitcation is what works with her. But generally even that's rarely implemented, because she doesn't usually get in too much trouble. (lucked out there)

Now...my 15 month old...sigh...he understands "no" but has the audacity to smile at me and do whatever he wants. Can I swat him? No...he's too young to connect the swat to the behavior. Can I give him a time-out? No, he won't understand that either. So, I have to follow him around and remove him, or whatever toy he's taken away from siblings. Then, it's just keeping things that are dangerous, or messy, up and out of reach. It's the same plan as with my oldest...keep him alive, until he can understand. Although I have given him a time-out for my other son's sake..."No, no, you can't hit your brother...time-out" and sat him there for a few seconds. So, that my oldest can feel vindicated after being hit.

I think "time outs", and "tushie swats" are effective, if used appropriately...and sparingly.

(SWAT EXCEPTION: anything that might kill them...like running away in the parking lot...there's not even a warning for that one...it's just about safety...they HAVE to listen in the parking lot)

I get a lot of negative feedback about actually using "swats" which are basically spankings. I'm not sure how "spanking" became equated with "beatings". Even the word "discipline" has taken on some darker, cruel, meaning. I don't get it. Discipline is a good thing. My kids generally don't hit, or push...they are all-around VERY well-behaved, and the rare incidents are dealt with immediately. They don't understand why other people's kids aren't disciplined for hitting, or pushing...and frankly, neither do I.

I'm just trying to raise kids who will respect authority, know the difference between right and wrong, and understand concequences, while still having a strong sense of self, and high self-esteem. My kids know that they are absolutely loved, cared about, and the center of their known universe. :)

Something that really helped when carried over from my work with other people's kids is to keep interactions with the kids at a ratio of between 5:1 and 10:1. Between 5 and 10 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.

If things are consistent, (rules, consequences, and discipline) children feel more secure about their environment and confident in themselves.

Well said!

I have learned that consistancy is the most important rule to remember when raising children. Finding the dicipline that is the most effective for the child, as well as one the parent is comfortable with is very important.

We parents need to judge less, and support more. What works for one family, may not work for another. We should all be striving for the same end result - kind, respectful little people, that will one day be adults.

God love ya! Swats work. I fully condone them. Not abuse, just a good 'ol fashioned spanking!

Yes, excellent post.

I have read Dr Leonard Sax, Why Gender Matters and Boys Adrift He has some excellent points about boys and raising them. For some, they may seem sexist but the techniques and tips have worked for me. The biggest tip has been talking to my 10 and 7 year boys in an elevated/louder voice. There is a distinction between shouting and a louder voice. There are times when my wife and mother-in-law think I am shouting at them but I get more compliance and obedience than they do.

I'm not a military person but there are some tips and techniques that the military does in its training that works for my boys. One is, that you have to adjust and evaluate what works and what is not working any more. It is a lot work but these are my children - they are worth it. I use a modified time out, even for myself. The 7 year old may get mad and start throwing things. I get up and before I say anything, he will excuse himself and give himself timeout. Then he is calm and I am calm. We can talk about appropriate behavior. Sometimes, I still have to swat him but they are getting fewer.

I don't want to sound like I have the techniques down completely. I still like to read and learn what others are doing and what will work for me. Definitely Mo3, clear boundaries, consistency and follow-through are big keys.

I believe you need to lay a foundation because the 10 year is approaching the teen years and that is a whole other realm of parenting!

I wish more parents understood that discipline is necessary for the safety and well being of a child, and failure to discipline is a form of abuse by being neglectful in your parenting of the child. Too many parents want to be the child's "friend" instead of their parent and that is not the way to raise a well rounded, self reliant , member of society.