How your friend covers her tits is your business? If you think so, then you're an idiot and so is Prudie. Your friend is under no more obligation to stop being unappealing than you're under to stop being stupid. Less actually. Much less.

I guess that would depend upon who owns the snapshots she's throwing out. If they are her own, well and good. If they belong to the LW, she needs to tell her that she's keeping them, because she herself looks good in them or simply wants them. If they belong to a third person, that's their own problem to resolve.

Or the LW could start singing "Do your ears hang low?" and write a not-so-creative econd verse.

There are some sights most of us would rather not see. Waist level titties is one of them.

BeenThere,

It's usually considered a girlfriend's job to tell her girlfriends honestly- delicately, but honestly- how they look. I expect my girlfriends to tell me if the most recent five pounds are pouching over the top of my skinny jeans, and I think we'd all rather hear such things from a friend than go out in public and be caught unaware.

Then again, most women will ask for an opinion before their friends have to bring it up.

Selene - you need your friends to tell you about your muffin top? Put on a roomier pair of jeans in the first place! You own a mirror, right?

I'm not one for passive-aggressive "hints" - complete with "birthday" cards! -- but a copy of the Sth Park episode with Miss Choksondix gross nipples making their appearance beneath the bottom of her shirt as she reaches up to write on the blackboard my be just the ticket.

Or better still, when all looking at the photos that she's discarding, simply respond to her "Oh I don't like the way I look in this photo" with "Is that because your boobs are not-so-elegantly grazing your knees?!"

when opportunity knocks.....

Yikes, y'all are cruel. I have the opposite problem; my husband would dearly love it if I never wore a bra again. I'm 47 and rather resemble Miss Choksondik from the collarbone to the waist. Maybe if I showed the hubby your comments, he'd see why I'm so uncomfortable with his concept "attractive."

Selene212:

BeenThere,

It's usually considered a girlfriend's job to tell her girlfriends honestly- delicately, but honestly- how they look. I expect my girlfriends to tell me if the most recent five pounds are pouching over the top of my skinny jeans, and I think we'd all rather hear such things from a friend than go out in public and be caught unaware.

Then again, most women will ask for an opinion before their friends have to bring it up.

I agree. Telling a friend delicately about the fashion faux pas. I get the same thing. If I gain five pounds I get the pouch over my jeans.

ElleBlue:

There are some sights most of us would rather not see. Waist level titties is one of them.

Well that is awfully judgmental of you. What if I decide that I'd rather not see balding men? Either full lush locks or shave it off! Then the next person will make their judgment and pretty soon everybody is going to have to stay locked away - too hideous for public viewing according to somebody.

Seriously - you are just going to have to bear the fact that some people in this world are not paragons of beauty. They shouldn't have to change the way they are so your ever so delicate sensibilities are not offended.

SusanM:

ElleBlue:

There are some sights most of us would rather not see. Waist level titties is one of them.

Well that is awfully judgmental of you. What if I decide that I'd rather not see balding men? Either full lush locks or shave it off! Then the next person will make their judgment and pretty soon everybody is going to have to stay locked away - too hideous for public viewing according to somebody.

Seriously - you are just going to have to bear the fact that some people in this world are not paragons of beauty. They shouldn't have to change the way they are so your ever so delicate sensibilities are not offended.

Well you know as well as I do, that these faux pas are never going to stop. I usually just turn away if I see someone who's really pulling a baddie. There will always be 300 lb women in spandex and people with waist level double D's going bra less. If someone like me, puts on 5lbs and is too concious of her muffin top and puts away the skinny jeans for awhile, it's difficult to understand why people dress in something that doesn't look good. I guess too many people are careless or clueless.

ElleBlue:

If someone like me, puts on 5lbs and is too concious of her muffin top and puts away the skinny jeans for awhile, it's difficult to understand why people dress in something that doesn't look good. I guess too many people are careless or clueless.

Or perhaps they care about things like their family. Or curing cancer. Or any of a million things that could be considered more important to focus on than if they have gained 5 lbs.

Everybody has a limited amount of time and resources they are able to dedicate. I doubt people wake up in the morning and think 'oh I've got an extra 20 minutes to pretty myself up but I'll sit and twiddle my thumbs instead'. More likely it is that the bra hurts and they've already got too many things to worry about to add another layer of problems on. Or the kids couldn't find their clothes that morning so there goes Mommy's make up time.

If looks are a priority to you, fine. I won't judge that. But neither will I judge other people who have higher priorities than looking good for random strangers on the street.

Putting on a bra takes 1 minute. Choosing the right outfit takes 5 minutes. If people are going to work, I would hope they'd choose the right outfit and put on a bra.

I have put on my makeup on the train and when I drove to work, I put on only foundation when I was running late. I have long hair and there have been many ponytail days with glasses instead of contacts. I'm not knocking people who run out of time in the morning. It happens to me a lot.

No you are just knocking people who are too 'careless' to look good. If you understand that sometimes people run out of time - how are they careless?

Putting on a bra takes 1 minute. Finding a bra that doesn't hurt like hell can take hours or it could be pretty much impossible. But that person should hurt because you don't like looking at them? And, as somebody else brought up, they can be un- affordable for some.

Or consider another scenario - once upon a time I had a job with some pretty rough guys. The sexual harassment was out of this world (it didn't help that the last woman in my position slept with half of them). My boss would willingly fire anybody that was too rough on me but it almost didn't matter because the guys that replaced them were just the same. So it was sweats and plain, over sized t-shirts for me. No makeup, no hair done. Sure it was a bit embarrassing at the store but at least I could work in peace.

So, lots of reasons why a person may not be up to your standard of beauty when you see them walking down the street. Yet you still make comments about how you 'don't want to see that' and how 'careless' or 'clueless' they are for being out on the street looking like that. You may say you understand but reading what you wrote, it seems like you are awfully quick to pass judgment on somebody.

I'm not talking about the occasional morning of running late. I'm talking about the woman in this letter, who never puts on a bra. I've had a hard time finding a bra that fits right and all new bras hurt me in general. You don't have to be big to have ill fitting bras. My B cups are always sold out at the store (especially when there is a sale) and I've gone to several stores, in search of the right bra. But most women do it, because they want to look their best.

Stores like Victoria Secrets, which specialize in improving the appearance of the woman are a mulit million dollar industry. Most people can find something there even the bigger folk.

Oh I'm not saying they cannot. I'm just saying that "most women want to look their best" may or may not be true. If nothing else, quite a large minority of women care more about other things than their appearance.

And for all I know, or you know, or anybody on the street knows, what they care about really is much more important than how they look.