Re: From a historical perspective, Saletan is out to lunch
by
Sanjait
06/29/2008, 10:45 PM #
If anyone is still reading this...
I think I confused the issue by not defining terms clearly enough. I said before, if you define hetero/homo by pair-bonding preference, then the groups can be regarded as stable and definitive. But what does it mean, "pair-bonding"?
What I should have said was long term pair bonding specifically. Pair bonding is a biological term. Long-term pair bonding isn't just who you mate with, but who you partner with for extended portions of your life, as in what we might colloquially categorize as a "serious, long-term relationship". We know this is something that isn't just a social construct as well, as it is a behavior commonly found in animals, especially mammals.
Long-term pair bonding can be contrasted with a simple sexual encounter or sexual partner. In prison, or a Navy ship, or on a drunken night in college (sorry for the string of stereotypes, but it is illustrative), people do venture outside their usual sexual orientation. But this is a transitory event, and really truly doesn't correlate tightly with pair-bonding preference.
To illustrate why this is, with an extreme example, consider masturbation. If you masturbate, does it make you then "autosexual"? Of course not. It's gratification. You can have sex with your hand, or an inanimate object, or pretty much anything.
But pair bonding preference is more fixed. People are born with a preference for partnering with one or the other gender. Even when we do have transient matings with our hands, or same sex partners, or dildos, or the prison-mate, or girl-on-girl action in the dorm, the person's preference for a particular gender for long-term pair bonding doesn't change.
If you are born straight, you know you will marry/partner with the opposite sex. For most people, there isn't much doubt that this is what you want to do. If you are born gay, because of societies presumptions and prejudices, you may try to be straight for a while, then end up giving in to some biological imperative telling you that it isn't correct for you. Once people realize and accept that, they self-identify as gay, and they very rarely go back.
And that last point is also illustrative. If sexuality really were this fluid concept easily influenced by social pressure, wouldn't we be able to change gay people back into straight? And yet, we find this is nearly impossible, despite the ardent efforts of some very motivated religious persons. Sure, a gay man, or a straight woman, might be aroused by women (brain studies show everyone is aroused by pretty women), and may act on that arousal, but that doesn't change his/her long-term pair bonding preference.
Gay people tell us they didn't choose to be gay, they discovered it, and it's not something they could change. Whatever your sexual orientation is (whoever may be reading this), you too can probably say with near certainty that its not something you will or even could change in the future.
So no, I don't think it's a fluid concept at all. I think we are born with a distinct sexual orientation, defined as our long-term pair bonding preference. It appears to be fixed, well-defined and unchangeable for most people. Sure, there may be exceptions, such as true bisexuality (I haven't met one but I suspect they may exist), or transsexuals (probably also biologically determined, but I don't know), but for the most part, drawing neat little boxes of "straight" and "gay", defined by which gender you prefer to be seriously involved with, seems to work very well.