To the woman who wants nothing to do with her mother: you need to know you are not alone. There is a sisterhood out there of women who will understand at once where you are coming from. We stand for an hour at the card shop looking for a Mother's Day card that doesn't say "To the Best Mom in the World" but still passes the test of civility. We sit silently while others gush that their mothers are "their best friends." When we tell a friend that our mothers are coming for a visit, we clench our teeth when they say, "Oh, you must be so excited." Look for these sisters. Look for the women who lock eyes with you and give you a little nod when you say you aren't inviting your mother to this gathering. When we find one another, it is a true blessing because we can express what society finds very difficult to accept: that some mothers aren't the perfect vessels of giving that we'd like them to be. You need support from other women, and that support really is there if you look for it. The women with good mothers, or at least good enough mothers, won't understand. Don't expect them to.

That's how I feel about Father's Day. He doesn't golf or drink beer, which most of the humorous ones refer to, and the rest say, "What a Great Dad!" I went to 3-4 stores before I could find one I could stomach this year.

I had to laugh when I read your post, especially trying to find a greeting card that didn't gush on and on about how "wonderful" mother is! I'm sure I found a kindred spirit in the ticket agent when I took my mother to the airport for her return trip home and found out we were a day early. The look of desperation must of spoke volumes as I begged the agent to check for an available seat - I think the agent would have allowed me to tie Mom to the wing if FAA regulations didn't prevent it! The silence was deafening as I drove back to my home with Mom. Having a sense of humor really helps - that and a couple glasses of wine!

I respectfuly request you make this a gender neutral organization.

The card shopping point really made your post stand out. I always look for the card with the least amount of text in it.

I wouldn't say I am on as bad terms with mine as the LW is, but there is definitely an awkward silence whenever mom trots out the ol' "I did the best I could with you kids," or "I did everything to raise you kids right," when I refuse to rejoin with a gushing denial of that statement or any like it.

Being civil and tolerant is the best way to describe it, I suppose.

That's how I feel about Father's Day.

Greeting card companies seem to have a low opinion of men. It's amazing how many husband-to-wife anniversary cards start out by apologizing, "I know I don't say 'I Love You' often enough...."

The first response in this chain is deeply appreciated - this person has so eloquently stated exactly what I feel. Laughed out loud about the comment about finding a card - spot on!

I am part of this sisterhood and really feel for you and for the woman Prudie spoke to. I myself have no contact with my mother who is a very dangerous woman. Seriously scary. I knew when I was 12 years old that if I wanted any semblence of a normal life, then I had to get away. Finally I was able to break free and didn't look back.

To the young lady: Many people will try to tell you that now is the time to make nice since a child is coming in the world. I think it's the opposite. Now is the time to put up boundaries like never before. You made a difficult choice and now have the opportunity to have a normal family. Don't give that up for anything!

And yes, others won't understand and incredibly, think it's your fault. Don't be angry with them. But don't let them sway you either.

I searched "sisterhood of the unmothered" and found nothing. I think we should start a group.

I related so much to the LW. I broke off all contact with my mother 5 months before my first son was born. As far as I know, she doesn't even know he has a baby sister now. My brother and I think our mother has antisocial personality disorder. I was willing to put up with her manipulations and abusive tirades, but I could not risk her harming my children.

I almost feel like a monster when I tell people I don't talk to my mother. I feel the need to explain myself, because people are so shocked when I tell them.

Fortunately, I married into a great family and my dad married a wonderful woman so my kids aren't lacking in grandparents.

Try, "My mother is no longer in my life." They can interpret it any way they like. Especially if they don't know her.

Thank you everybody! Today I discovered that I was not the only "ingrate" who chokes over having to send a gushing Mother's Day card. I can stop feeling guilty.

I've always just lurked, but had to respond to this one. My parents were just bad, selfish people. My dad is dead and the world is better off that way. My mom is around, and we have something of a relationship, but it is not warm and close. I can SO relate to the situation of picking out cards. Becoming a mother myself only magnified how horribly my parents failed at parenthood. I think there should be a sisterhood of the unmothered/unparented.

No, we are definitely not alone... and I agree we need to let the men in on this club too. It's painful for anyone with a toxic mother to get badgered by those who don't get it - or who are in denial about their own parents.

Either buy those snarky rude cards from Spencers gifts or just buy a blank card & write Here is your effing b-day card, I hope you choke on it!

or why send one at all?

Ah yes, there are many members of the sisterhood out there. I have been cursed with a mentally and physically abusive mother(and father) who "did the best she could" and her "kids were her whole life." I do maintain a very distant relationship with my parents and honestly wish that I never had to see or speak to them again. I have a 5 year old son who does know his grandparents, but with limited contact. Recently, I have been letting my son spend a few hours here and there with them alone. However, now my mother calls me several times daily. I rarely answer the phone and she rarely leaves a message, but when she does, it is "I just want to see how you all are." I am not her friend and DO NOT wish to chat with her on the phone as if we were.

I too, search the Mother's day and Father's day cards that do not gush on about how great they are. I find those things disgusting and DREAD that time of the year even though I am a mother now and should look forward to it. To make matters worse, my in my sisters eyes, my parents are the closet thing to God even though they suck the life out of her and often treat her poorly. I am 100% positive that she is treated that way because she is the only one who spends any amount time with them which makes her the only target that will stand still.

For all of the others out there, PLEASE do not feel guilty about your decisions! Also, do not feel responsible for your childhood. The only thing we can do is go on with our lives, love our children enough to raise them well and do not second guess our decisions. It is not the life we would have chosen, but it is the life we have been given so we must deal with it and move on. Chin up sisters, we are not alone!

Gosh, my heart goes out to you. I was in denial how poorly my mom treated me until the day after my wife died and my mother told me I had to go away, she could not deal with my 'issues'.

I solved my greeting card problem once and for all when, on her next birthday, I found a card that showed an ugly fat man, dressed in a diaper, sitting in a filthy bathroom. Outside said "It's Your Birthday". Inside it read "So EAT SHIT AND DIE". I went thru every letter and card my Mom had ever sent me, cutting out the part that appeared at the bottom of every card that read "All my love, Mom". I had almost 100 clippings. They must've fell out of the card like confetti.

Been over a decade, and I still feel satisfied when I think about that bit of fun.