Maybe it is because I am 23 and not from the previous generation, but what is this oral stigma Saletan keeps referring to? I know that sodomy laws involved both anal and oral intercourse, but other than a mild technicality this hardly qualifies as a real stigma being attached to oral sex in the modern age.

On a side note, did we really need a study to say that most kids lost their oral and vaginal virginity around the same time? There is a reason everyone latched on to the findings about anal first and this is only being mentioned now as an afterthought.

Glad I'm not the only who had that reaction. Stigma? What? I'm 23 too, and the idea of a stigma about oral sex is... well, purely hypothetical. I mean, sure, I'm aware there may have once been one, but I've never encountered such a thing, or even heard second-hand accounts of it. It's as strange a concept as, say, a stigma for non-missionary positions. Man, you old people are weird!

I think the author is referring more to a historical fantasy than stating facts here. He could have clarified this issue if he had provided statistics on people who "admitted" to having oral sex from previous decades. That would have been more enlightening than his comparison of "admitted" oral sex by age group. I believe the author intended for those statistics on admissions by age group to be equivalent to admissions from previous decades, and I believe that was erroneous on his part.

I am from one of those previous generations. References to the common names for oral sex acts were among the name-calling vocabulary of our time, so there really was some sort of stigma attached to them. We also saw the dismantling of sodomy laws in our time. Some were precise as to what was prohibited but most were vague and were enforced unevenly or arbitrarily.

As to your side note, there are or were people who believed that teenagers performed oral sex instead of vaginal sex to preserve their "technical virginity"; the current research indicates they perform oral sex as well as vaginal sex.

Thank you, I was confused too. I was also confused about how it is referred to as "the advanced stuff" in this article. I thought it was the other way around. I am 30, and literally everyone I know worked their way "up" to intercourse. oral seems to always come first- since you can't get pregnant, it has less consequences and therefore I think more kids are willing to do it first. it's considered more of just "fooling around" or "hooking up."

that being said, I think kids need to be better educated on the risk of STDs from oral sex.

Indoor plumbing and office jobs are why oral sex no longer carries a stigma. Back in the 19th century and earlier when most people did hard physical labor on farms and bathed at most once a week, I can't imagine oral sex was very popular either for men or women. Think about it.

"In other words, teens lost their oral virginity at around the same time they lost their vaginal virginity. If you think your daughter is going to learn the basics now and the advanced stuff later, you've got another thing coming."

For a 26 year old like myself, the way in which the author refers to vaginal sex as "the basics" and oral sex as a more advanced and stigmatized practice seems extremely antiquated. When I was growing up, the reverse perception was true-- in the "steps" of a relationship, oral sex was basic and came first, and was then followed by vaginal sex (and followed fairly rapidly in terms of time, if the statistics in this study are any indication).

I am from the previous generation. Perhaps Mr. Saletan is from a few generations prior. What stigma? What escalation? What alternate reality is he writing about?

Agreed. I'm 46 and I have no idea why this is news, or why this columnist seems so obsessed with the issue. The frequency with which he comments on sexual matters that are perfectly normal, healthy and expected suggests a personal problem, not a societal one. Thankfully, I have never experienced the "stigma" he refers to, and I hope my children won't either when they are old enough to have sexual relationships.

Okeydokey--now from a geezer babe--

As a child in the fifties and a teen in the sixties, I have old fart(ette) information.

Back in the day, oral sex was rarely talked about. For most of us, our first experience did come quickly, but after vaginal sex, and frankly, it often was a bit of a shock--"You want me to do WHAT? And you want to do WHAT to me? Are you kidding?" Of course, we tried it, we liked it and, for you young'uns who won't believe it--we're still doing it. Really.

But, back in the day, you only might mention it to your very, very closest girl friend. Or, you might not. It became a (rather delicious) secret.

It probably wasn't until the eighties that we realized that everyone was doing it and always had been. However, we did maintain the mindset that it was the frosting, and vaginal sex was the cake.

I'm not sure where anal sex fits into that analogy. Perhaps we ought not go there.

So that's the history of my generation. Maybe I'll ask my 92 year old mother about the WWII generation. I'm sure with less reliable birth control of that day and the fact that men and women have always been bonking, oral and anal sex were part of the repertoire even back then.

I am 56 years old (!) and am not familiar with this business about being shy about oral sex or even admitting to it having some kinda stigma.

In my generation, there was this funny thing where black guys tried to pretend that they didn't go down on women, but it was more of a joke than anything.

I never heard of sex without oral foreplay and have had a number of sexual experiences that were strictly oral.

What Saletan is talking about is a complete mystery to me.

BTW, discussion of oral sex was part of the sex education we gave our children. Naturally.

and Vaginal was the cake, I guess anal was the chocolate!

By the way, oral sex (from both sides of the fence) was a constant topic with us guys in the fifties and sixties. When guys got together, there was no secrets on that subject.

If I'm not mistaken, the first historical evidence of the use of lipstick was traced to prostitutes in ancient Babylon. They painted their lips red to advertise that they performed oral sex.

There truly is nothing new under the sun.

Boomer

I agree - I'm 23, and I am hard-pressed to find someone in my age group who didn't work their way up from hooking up -> oral -> intercourse. (The notable exception being those who held off on all of the above until they got married.) I think, in fact, there should be MORE of a 'stigma' attached to it, as oral sex is a lot closer to actual sex than most of my friends thought it would be.

"I think, in fact, there should be MORE of a 'stigma' attached to it, as oral sex is a lot closer to actual sex than most of my friends thought it would be. "

I need explaination of the one Robyrt. What do you mean by that?

If you want to try some really "advanced" sexual techniques, skip the oral and go straight to aural. If you're really adventurous, there's also ocular, umbilical and nostril.

As far as positions go, my favorite is the back-to-front-to-back again reverse flying trapeze with a half-twist and full double penetration. But one has to work up to that kind proficiency, obviously.