Dear DPers,
I'm finally off the antidepressants, so don't expect me to be all funny and cheery. If anything, I intend to out crabby Dear Messy today, unless I can find that new Rx for Vicodin I so blithely tossed aside last month.
And it's not like we don't have reason to keep shaking our fists at the universe chez Nomist. If it wasn't enough losing Grandpa Milt, this weekend Mr. Nomist's Uncle Kenny passed on, too. He was the Scot version of Milt, also served in the Navy in WWII, but after VJ day, Kenny became an investigator for the Nuremberg trials. He was so moved by what he saw over there that he ended up adopting two German war orphans. Who grew up to be a couple of the true-bluest German-Scotch Texans you ever met, bagpipers and beers at the birthdays and everything. One thing for sure: the Greatest Generation sure knew how to live, and it's a smaller world as we lose them. With that in mind, let's turn to the petty problems of this Latest Generation, and offer them some Isolutions to help them on their way:
Dear Prudie,
This drama queen just can't help making my loss all about her. Can I shoot her, or do I have to warn her first?
signed,
Couldn't I just be a grieving widow? Do I have to be a grieving betrayed widow? Goddamit!
Dear Just be Grieving,
She was probably never alone with your husband anywhere but in her psychotic mind. Forward her letters and emails to the local precinct and her therapist. Believe me, any man who did sleep with this nut soon realized it was the biggest mistake of his life.
signed,
Iso think the only affairs she has are with herself
Dear Prudie,
He's trying to turn this into MY problem.
signed,
Ew, did you see that?
Dear, Yeah, Disgusting!
This is not about his eating habits. This is about how you're going to relate to each other for the rest of your lives. Let me divulge one of life's big secrets to you, dear: young girls, when they're about to marry the nicest guy in the whole wide world, have no idea that they're about to discover that the only way the nicest guy in the whole world can exist is in the presence of his exact opposite: the naggiest bitch from hell. That would be, well, you. The ball and chain.
Either you sit down with him, now, and let him know that you have no intention of being his mother, his keeper, his warden or his arch nemesis, or you are going to find yourself about two years into this marriage, wondering why he's always out with his friends, or online complaining to strangers about how all you do is complain. And they'll all tell him, "But you're such a nice guy!" Trust me, you're not the first person to tell him he shouldn't spit pizza on everyone's pie. His defensive act is only act one. And you, up till now, have been playing along. Wise up. If he can't stop being defensive long enough to learn how to enthusiastically negotiate table manners together that you can both be happy with, then he's not ready to be married; because marriage is nothing if not a long series of negotiations toward a happy medium.
signed,
Iso hope he's smarter than he's acting
Dear Prudie,
Do I have to let my abusive mother anywhere near my baby?
signed,
The thought sickens me
Dear Me Too,
No.
signed,
Iso wouldn't either.
Dear Prudie,
I would like to show off how superior I am by rubbing my family's generosity in their faces, but I'm not sure how I can ge away with it.
signed,
Knows Better Than Anybody
Dear You Must Be 17,
Name one item you can buy that doesn't involve or relate back to unfair employment practices, pollution, pesticides, petroleum, or your parents. It's ok, I couldn't either.
signed,
Iso am younger than that now
