Dear Prudie,
My husband passed away recently of a sudden illness. We had been married nearly 40 years, and his loss has been devastating. Our friends have been very supportive, especially one woman whom we had both known for some time. Out of the blue, she sent me a letter "confessing" to a relationship with my husband about 25 years ago. In her letter, she said that she broke it off when she realized that he was married. She asked for my "forgiveness." I did not reply. All those years ago, I had suspected something might be going on, but at the time, and in the years after, he always denied that there was anything between them. He said that she was a needy, confused person who had misinterpreted his interest in her. Since he was normally very trustworthy, I accepted his story even if I was a little dubious. My heart, or maybe it is just ego, wants to believe what he told me and not what she said, but her comments have poured poison in my ear, and I cannot help reliving some of the uncertainly that I had back then. Now she has contacted me again, asking my forgiveness for having "hurt" me by exposing his actions. Part of me wants to tell her that I forgive her but I no longer wish to be friends. The other part wants to just ignore the whole thing, even if I can't erase it from my mind, and not respond to her. I am in such pain from everything that has happened that I am not sure if I am thinking rationally.
—Still Hurting
Dear Hurting,
Look on the bright side, poison in the ear killed Hamlet’s dad and look how that all turned out! You know, I think you ought to read some other Shakespeare stuff for a while – Much Ado About Nothing for a start.
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudence,
I am about to be married to a great guy. We have known each other almost our entire lives. We have a strong, loving relationship, but, of course, there is one problem. My fiance has disgusting table manners. Sometimes, I actually can't eat at the same table with him. One time we ordered a pizza with friends, and he spit his first bite of hot pizza right onto the entire pizza that everyone was supposed to be eating. My fiance often doesn't swallow his first bite of food before taking another bite, and sometimes ends up with his cheeks bulging with food and then takes a big swig of water to wash it all down. Watching him do this makes me gag. I have brought this up with him on many different occasions, but when I do, he, understandably, gets defensive, feels hurt, and says something like, "I'm sorry I disgust you so much." I don't want every meal to become a fight, but I'm also not sure if I can spend the rest of my life gagging my way through dinner. What do I do?
—Grossed Out
Dear Grossed,
Look on the bright side, the bridal registry at Tractor Supply Company features troughs! Your dining room hutch is really too small for that 178-piece set of bone china anyway.
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudie,
My mother and I are not now, and never will be, close. She physically abused me until I was 17. I grew up with constant disparaging remarks about my weight, my singing (which I love), my likeness to my father … the list goes on. I decided many years ago that if she were any other person in the world, I would have nothing to do with her. I am now 29 and about to give birth to my first child. Many of my friends and relatives are pressuring me to form a bond with my mother that I have no desire for. The few times I've spoken to her have demonstrated that she has not changed and is unlikely to. I feel that my reasons for shutting her out in the first place are still valid, and she would just add too much strain to my life. How do I explain that I'm content with the decision I've made and feel that it's best for both me and my family?
—Motherless Mother-To-Be
Dear Motherless,
Look on the bright side, learning to ignore the “advice” of friends and family who are pushing you to do something you don’t wanna do is the NUMBER ONE best way you can prepare for the onslaught of upcoming unsolicited advice about parenting your new baby. You’ll thank them for giving you this practice the first time some random stranger berates you for using a pacifier.
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudence,
I've been blessed with very generous relatives who like to send gift cards for things I can't afford on my college-student budget—particularly clothing. While I appreciate their thoughtfulness, the truth is that the cards are often for companies I know for a fact use sweatshop labor. I don't want to be ungrateful, but the thought of supporting these companies sickens me. How do I ask them to stop without sounding like a complete ingrate? And, more importantly, what should I do with all these gift cards?
—Ethical Shopper
Dear Ethical,
Look on the bright side, nothing says “Fuck You Grandma” like an returned gift card with an explanatory “cash only” extortion note. Really, save that for Grandparent’s Day. She’ll love it.
—Prudie, brightly
