dear prudence,

I have been divorced for a year now. I met this wonderful man six months ago. We have a beautiful relationship. We both love each other and he cares alot about my children. The oroblem is that he wants to have a baby in the future because he has no children to benefit in his estate. I have three children, the youngest being 10 years old.. I am a 42 years old, still young and attractive woman, who was finished with having children. This man is 48. I do not want to get married at this time, though marriage is in our plans in the future. I also do not want to have any children out of wedlock. I do love this person and I think I would want to make him happy by having his child. I want our relationship to develop more. I really do not want to rush anything especially after coming out of a long marriage and a bitter divorce, but fear my chances of getting pregnant and having a healthy child is running out or probably has ran out. What should I do?

happy but perplexed

What is it with people's vanity that they have to spread their seed? Is their DNA some special variety that the world couldn't function without a partial copy of? Tell him you'll happily consider adoption if and when you ever marry.

Get pregnant in haste, repent at leisure. You need more time to be sure what you want to do. Having a baby -- and obviously with whom -- is something you should be sure about. The amount of time it takes to be sure is highly unlikely to run out your biological clock.

He wants to have a baby just so someone out there can inheret his estate? Married or not, why is he so hung up on who gets his money when he dies? He won't be around anymore to care! If you marry, aren't you and your children worthy enough recipients? And if he doesn't like that idea, how about a charity devoted to helping children? Or some distant relative?

I'd be cautious about having a baby if that really is all his motivation is. Children need to be raised with much more devotion and attention than the vibe of "I needed you here to carry on my estate" gives them.

Well, it's rather soon for such a hefty decision, regardless of the age factor. It hasn't been very long since either the dissolution of your marriage or the beginning of this new relationship. If feasible, maybe avail yourself of some modern options (freeze some eggs?) and buy yourself some time!! good luck!

the "you" back in uterus, and tell Mr. Itchy Loins to step back, mkay? Jus step back!!

It's uterUS, not uterYOU."

Ah, Homer Simpson. Is there anything you can't solve?

"fun" in functional.

My prediction is that if you marry this guy and have his kid, his immaturity will leave you with five kids to raise.

Let's add this up .... you've got three kids. You're 42. Mr. Wonderful (as in, we've got this _________ relationship except) is 48. His big deal in life is having a kid to inherit whatever it is he owns. Why didn't he think of this twenty years ago? Hmmm?

You're 42; that is kind of critical. At 28 you had some time to decide; at 42 you don't know if you can even do what he wants. We have all heard of some celebrities and a few other women have had kids at that age and beyond but face it, your chances for a healthy baby are poor and getting worse every year. Everybody has a story about their Aunt Minnie who had twins when she was 45, but that's someone else's Aunt Minnie. I don't know anyone like that.

Is this estate of his a mutual fund portfolio or a collection of baseball cards and Playboy magazine back issues? Not that it really matters, but what does he own other than a big ego that needs to be passed on to a genetic descendant?

The question is, do YOU want to have any more children? Having a child to make your SO happy is not a good reason. Having a child so that someone can inherit your estate is not a good reason. It doesn't sound like the two of you have your priorities straight with respect to children.

If you decide that you really do want to have a child for his or her sake, then do so now before the risks increase any more. You've already hit a point where your child is more likely to have a birth defect than a child born to someone younger who is bonking their first cousin. Also, the risk to yourself is increasing as well. It would be a shame to leave your children without a mother.

Do you know for an absolute fact that he is divorced? Really? Or did he just tell you that? Did you see the dissolution papers?

It happens all the time, you know. "I'm divorced" lasts until you see him go home to his wife. "We're living separate lives" works, until you realize that you don't get to see him on weekends. Then you see him playing catch with his kids - the ones he doesn't have.

"She's a bitch and I'm going to leave soon" is the last resort, but by then you're risking you life, knocked up with a kid you didn't want in the first place and he's telling some other sucker about his bitch girlfriend that wants to suck him dry for child support.

Before you do anything, you had better be damn sure that he's being 100% honest with you. You haven't known him long enough to know that for a fact. Check up on him. In any event, it doesn't sound like he's interested in you as much as he's a functional uterus.

It's an ego thing. Besides, how do you know he has any money? Have you seen the bank statements? Really? He might have a nice house and car, but if he's in debt up to his eyeballs, then he has nothing.

You should be focusing on raising to adulthood your children who are probably still adjusting to their home being broken up a year ago rather than thinking about renting out your uterus to a man you just met six months ago. Slow down a little. Life will still be there when the kids are grown. Thank goodness you say you don't want to jump into marriage right now, that's the only bright spot I see in this situation. If you still insist on entertaining this proposition, consider this:

It never occurred to him that adopting your children and accepting them as his own would give him three heirs? Perhaps he thinks them unworthy, which is something you should think hard about. There would be something terribly unbalanced about a household with one heir apparent and three children he just "cares a lot about". How are they going to feel 30-40 years down the line when the sibling they were raised with is treated to an inheritance that clearly spells out how very little they ever mattered to their stepfather?

I couldn't agree more with mermaid33 and bzl.

Your first obligation is to your children, who just went through a life-altering experience. Don't dump another one on them by creating a baby with your rebound boyfriend so that you have little time to devote to them.

And seriously, he wants a kid for his ESTATE? Is he an 18th century baron? The problem for most people is setting aside enough money for their kids they have, not creating kids so they have something to do with their money. Believe me, there are enough children in this world who could benefit from that estate--you know, by getting dewormed, having some protein for the first time in three months, getting inoculated against disease, being treated for HIV--that this guy doesn't need to do the world a favor by creating an heir for the sake of creating an heir. That is one of the most revoltingly selfish and weirdly unethical things I've heard in a while.

Please do not reproduce with not-so-little Lord Fauntleroy. If he is that bizarrely selfish prior to having you birth his child emperor, I can only imagine how he'll react when you give attention to the 10 year old instead of the heir apparent.

In addition to Mermaid and Barnacle, once you hit 42, the chances of your baby having a Downs Syndrome child go up. Your BF sounds so selfish and immature, that if his precious 'heir' wasn't perfect, he just might look elsewhere for another uterus. If he hasn't managed to produce a child at age 48, his biological clock is ticking also.

Another thing: why is this man insisting on something that is almost impossible? Most men who are insisting on something that their GF would have a hard time fulfilling have something up their sleeve. I think that he is trying to push for a reason for dumping her. As other posters have stated, she should investigate his background and she might find that he already has kids and several exes.