Dear Prudence,
A few years ago, I found out that my husband got another woman pregnant when I was pregnant with our first child. Shortly after giving birth to our second child, we got a call from the woman saying my husband was the father of her child and that she wanted child support. My husband admitted it could be true. It was, and it took me quite awhile to get over it. I realized I either had to leave if I was going to remain angry, or forgive him and do the right thing. My husband had missed the first four years of this child's life, so we started asking to see him. Because of the legal hassles with the mother, that didn't happen. Now, the boy is 8, and the mother is going to allow him to start visiting. I want to add this child to our lives, but how do we tell our children and my family that we are going to accept him? I don't want them to hate my husband, because he and I have already resolved this.
—Trying To Do the Right Thing
Dear Trying,
Look on the bright side, instead of having to get your kids that puppy they’ve been bugging you for, you can give ‘em a new brother! And now your mom will quit bugging you for more grandkids!
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudie,
Recently I loaned my cell phone to my 16-year-old daughter to text message her friends while we were going around town together. She usually deletes her messages and boyfriends' replies, but the next day I found something that shocked me. The phone allows me to keep a backup of the last few days' messages, and when I went to clear it out, I saw one of her outbound texts contained some X-rated material. Things like my daughter wanting to shower with this guy and other stuff you couldn't print! There were several items, but reading through one was enough, and I deleted them permanently. I get the fact that children seem to mature faster than they used to, but I was just stunned, and it still hurts. I haven't told my wife and am reluctant to, as she's pretty strict with our daughter. I feel like I should say something, but I don't want it to be said angrily or come across poorly and make things worse.
—Distressed Dad
Dear Dad,
Look on the bright side, at least she wasn’t texting Kwame! You’d be on the news and everything! Then your wife would know – yikes!
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudie,
I am 18 and recently moved in with my dad, his wife, and their two kids, who have all been perfectly welcoming. I left a difficult and emotionally abusive situation with my mom. My dad has a demanding job, but when he gets home, he walks in the door with a smile on his face. What bothers me is that his wife constantly harps on him. She complains about everything he does. She will go on and on to me about how he snores at night (even though they haven't slept in the same room for years) right in front of him, as if he's not even there. She disses him about his choice of music, how he mows the yard, his mother's personality. My dad is the kind of guy who would rather ignore her comments than start a discussion about it (usually because she flies off the handle). I do a lot to try to make his day go easier, like make him dinner and do everything I can around the house so she doesn't harp on him to do it, and they both appreciate it. I get along well with his wife, and I have tried talking to her about this, but she laughs it off. I don't think she truly realizes what she is doing. How I can show him I care and don't share her opinions? And how do I handle the situations my stepmom puts me in when she talks to me about my dad right in front of him?
—Daddy's Girl
Dear Daddy's Girl,
Look on the bright side, you have now learned that men will put up with some pretty rotten treatment, just like women do. See, sexism is dead! Yay!
—Prudie, brightly
Dear Prudie,
My husband and I had an affair that broke up both of our previous marriages (which were horrible). My divorce ended quickly, while his ex-wife went beyond the norm for cruelty and revenge. His children are all grown. They all took his ex-wife's side and vowed never to speak to either of us again. When we do, by chance, see them, they turn their backs; and when they speak to other people about their dad, they don't even refer to him as their father but just call him by his last name. They refer to me as "the whore." Five years have passed since the divorce and our marriage. The youngest child is now getting married. My husband received a wedding invitation, but I was excluded and informed that I wasn't welcome because their mother wouldn't allow it. If my husband goes without me, they get their way by snubbing me as well as showing everyone there that I wasn't invited. If he doesn't go, then the other guests will ask, "Where is your father?" and he'll look like a jerk for skipping his own daughter's wedding. Should I encourage my husband to go without me?
—The Banned One
Dear Banned One,
Look on the bright side, with the free time you’ll have from not traveling to the wedding, you can spend the day trolling for someone else’s husband. Fun!
—Prudie, brightly
