He routinely spends 10 to 15 minutes each morning?

He is either tossing off or reading the newspaper until his feet fall asleep. Either way its rude in a single banjo situation to monopolize the single hole, especially first thing in the am.

My pet peave is people who take forever in a bathroom when they know there is a line outside. Do your business and get out. Don't open a damn magazine.

If he does have some bowel condition, then it is by this time predictable, and so it is still rude to squat forever in there. He should initiate for himself some alternatives (coming in a half hour before everyone else, changing his breakfast habits, stopping on his way in and using a porta-potty at a construction site, or using the public restrooms at the hotel next door...).

What is rude is thinking that spending 15 minutes on the throne every morning is ok, when there is only one bathroom to go around.

Sarvis:

If he does have some bowel condition, then it is by this time predictable, and so it is still rude to squat forever in there. He should initiate for himself some alternatives (coming in a half hour before everyone else, changing his breakfast habits, stopping on his way in and using a porta-potty at a construction site, or using the public restrooms at the hotel next door...).

Consider yourself lucky that no one you know suffers from such a condition. If you did, you might realize that you can try all of those tactics, and your body will still refuse to cooperate some days. It has nothing to do with being "rude" or self-centered, unless it's self-centered to want to avoid having to use the change of clothes you keep with you at all times just in case.

Granted, I'm not saying that the guy actually does suffer from anything, particularly anything as severe as what my friend has. But the attitude that she should be able to control it when even her best efforts aren't always enough just makes things worse for her.

I believe it said he ROUTINELY spends 10 to 15 minutes. That's a pretty long time to use a single shared hole at the office, esp first thing in the am when everyone's systems are reacting to cofeee and breakfast and their commutes.

If the salient facts are other than presented, then we have a different situation.

I grew up in a family of 5 with one bathroom. I learned early the value of respecting others' need for the facilities.

That having been said, I have a very messed up digestive system, similar to IBS. There are days when I have to go. And that means right now. And sometimes there are weeks. And it happens with some frequency, and/or regularity. Unfortunately it's not predicated on the time I've spent awake or anything as convenient as that. It's dependant entirely upon my body's decision that it's "time to go." And not going isn't an option. Neither is finishing quickly if I've missed something that I know upsets my system. Or if I've just decided that I'm tired of eating a piece of meat with some very generic, bland carbs and the occasional vegetable.

There is no indication, from the letter writer that she has a definite idea of WHY he is in there, and my guess would be that she doesn't have children (most of the women I've know who have kids know that sometimes the system just goes wonky) or at least has had minimal if non-existant digestive issues in her lifetime. Congratulations to her, but that doesn't mean that he is intentionally being inconsiderate.

I don't tell my boss, right off the bat, that I have IBS, because I haven't had insurance for the past several years, and don't have a doctor's "note" explaining that I have the condition. If asked about my absences, I will explain I was in the restroom. If there is concern expressed, I will explain why.

A local radio show has a drop that they play "When you say your IBS is acting up, nobody wants the details on that." This statement is unfortunately all too true. It's not a comfortable topic for many people.

However, the original letter stated it is routine. If it is routine, it is predictable. If it is predictable, then there ought to be something this guy can try to do to share the space.

However, it is entirely possible that he has no idea that other people may be waiting to use the loo too.

On the other hand, even with IBS, taking 10 to 15 minutes every single time several times a week, seems like a long time in there to me.

My guess: he is reading the newpaper cover to cover including the want ads, taking a quick catnap, and THEN having a wank.

On the other hand, even with IBS, taking 10 to 15 minutes every single time several times a week, seems like a long time in there to me.

It all depends on what type of symptoms come with IBS.

Routinely does seem to indicate that there should be something he can do, and if he doesn't have a medical reason (such as IBS) I would agree that it is inconsiderate.

I do disagree with Emily about the insulin thing. I have several family members with diabetes, and none of them require 15 minutes to check blood levels and dose themselves with insulin.

Sarvis, I have IBS. I regularly have to go first thing in the morning, unfortunately right after I walk in the door at 8am. Yes, on the one hand, it's regular. On the other hand, and here's where I'll get a bit graphic in an attempt to educate you, I can't force it out any earlier, like before I come in, but once my body decides it has to go, it has to go NOW and it's fairly violent (it sounds like Madd_Libby or justvisiting could probably back me up on this, although everyone's experience is different). I take immodium every day to control this to the point that I can hold it just long enough to get to a bathroom - and let me tell you, some days it's a close call. I can't go on long car trips. Travel of any kind is a state of constant fear and worry for me - will there be a bathroom there? on the way? will anyone know? - and most of life is spent planning around my condition and trying to actually HAVE a life in spite of having a condition that frankly leaves many people housebound.

I can't possibly know that this gentleman suffers from IBS - but you, and the LW, can't possibly know that he DOESN'T. Please don't try to make an educated guess and rule this condition out, when you're obviously not educated about it. If all he's taking is 15 minutes (sometimes I'm in there for 20-30), then I say what's the big deal? Aren't we all legally allowed a couple of breaks each day? His performance the rest of the time must be fine, or the boss would speak to him about that - so if all he's taking is 15 minutes at the beginning of the day, then I think the LW should butt out.

I can't force it out any earlier, like before I come in, but once my body decides it has to go, it has to go NOW and it's fairly violent

I can completely back you up on this. Mine is much less regular than yours, as I have the c/d variety. However, when I'm on the swing where my body has to go and go NOW, it doesn't matter, I've often had to plan my commute route (and I only commute about a half hour) around public restrooms on the way, just in case the urge strikes.

As I said, if he doesn't have a medical condition which necessitates this, he's being inconsiderate. If the LW's frustration stems from her need to use the restroom, maybe she should plan on getting there just before start of work, or perhaps ask him to inform the rest of the group (sorry I'm commandeering the restroom for a little bit). If it's based on a perceived lack of work ethic on her part, maybe she should just focus on making sure her productivity is stellar, not focusing on what everyone else is doing. She's going to get more kudos from the boss, and if it isn't medically related and his performance is actually suffering, then he will eventually get the boot. Also, if the boss isn't even in yet when this is occuring, is it possible that he's not even "on call" for the customers yet?

It can be so frustrating for me sometimes when people just have no concept of what this disorder does to us, how hard it is to have a normal life. And it's not as if it's something we feel comfortable talking about when it impacts other people's lives. It's so humiliating.

I hadn't thought about the possibility that he might not be on call yet, that's a good point.

You're absolutely right about the LW needing to focus on her own performance more instead of policing other people. We used to have someone in our office who flagrantly abused our supervisor's flexibility with regard to taking a long lunch occasionally, etc. He regularly wasted at least an hour a day in addition to his lunch. And she never caught him! It was so frustrating. Ironically, he felt the need to monitor the rest of us and point it out if we were even ten minutes late getting back from lunch. But I just focused on my own performance and policing myself and now he's no longer here, but I am - and I'm doing great professionally, in spite of the condition.

But that's just it. You don't have all the facts. You have no idea what he's doing in there or why he's doing it. Somebody could ask him, but this is one of those times when you need to listen to that little voice that is screaming in the back of your head, "What good will come of it?"

The variation of that concept is this: "Don't ask a question you don't really want to know the answer to." Do you really want to know all the intimate details of his GI tract? I should point out, asking him could constitute contributing to a hostile work environment, especially if there is a medical condition involved that he now feels forced to disclose to you when the only thing going on is that he goes to the bathroom and you're threatening to go to the boss to have him reprimanded.

As Yoda would say, "Over it, get. Yes!"

they complain that his is using the bathroom for 10 minutes, but yet how many of us have to deal with co-workers that come to work, head to the bathroom & spend 30 minutes fixing their hair & appling makeup?

I have had Crohn's Disease, a chronic illness which causes inflammation in my digestive tract, for almost 15 years and there is absolutely nothing predictable about it. some days, I am totally normal, others I have to run to the restroom 10+ times. The only thing predictable about it, is that no remission is permanent and sooner or latter I will have a spate of bad days. If you have never suffered from IBS, Crohn's or Colitis, don't presuume to tell me that I should have my bowels under control better. Please, have a little compassion for those of us who do live with these problems.

serously, 10-15 minutes for a morning shit? not very long. also, the letter wasn't complaining about not being able to use the can, but that he wasn't there to take phone calls for 10 minutes.

Thank you for your post, it's so encouraging, cause most people just don't know what it's to live with IBS... I'm suffering from it for the past 20 years. I HAVE TO arrange my bowel movement each morning before work, or I'll suffer for the rest of the day and won't be able to function at work, so I have to get up 3 to 5 hours before leaving home in the morning. For 12 years I struggled to fit myself to 8 to 17 job regimen without success... I've being fired from 20 jobs in 12 years because of showing late at work. I IBS is this man's condition, he is lucky it only takes him 15 minutes in the morning to live normal life.

Hope they'll let him live..

(sorry for my English)