The thing that would stop me from writing on the Internet about my child's tantrums, sleep problems, picky eating, manners, etc., is the hatred and contempt that many readers post in response to such writing.

I'm thinking of Emily B's recent essay about her son freaking out over veggie sticks. There were diagnoses of her son as mentally ill, rotten, and evil, with recommendations that she should smack his head or slap his face or knock him around.

I would not create a situation where my child might read complete strangers' rage and violent fantasies aimed at him/her -- by name! (How would an adult feel if s/he found a website where strangers were urging someone to beat or assault him/her??) THAT is what I think would traumatize a kid... the proof that "there are people out there who enjoy thinking about me being hurt" ... more than the embarrassment of mommy telling "funny" stories about modern parenting.

In real life if a mother tells you a funny story about her kid you act polite (even if it's boring as hell and makes the kid sound like a spoiled brat) and smile and laugh appropriately and then forget about it. Unless you are the rudest human being alive you wouldn't say anything negative to the mom to her face about her kid. On the internet however people tend to forget that we are talking about real people. In interactions on the net there seems to be a weird disconnect that makes people act ruder than usual and to forget that there's a real person out there beyond the computer screen who is getting hurt by our comments. Plus there's the cloak of anonymity (yes, we are all cowards). People are more free to say what they feel and to take out the frustrations of their day on someone online. We all seem to do this when we get online. That's why I agree it's probably best not to write too much about your kids on the internet.

I think you make an interesting and rather disturbingly true point about abusive comments, especially delivered anonymously; however, I disagree on the potential outcome of these comments.

I think it might be a rather good lesson to discuss with your child the irrationality and downright meanness of comments about one's article. There would obviously be an age-appropriate type of discussion. It would be good to brainstorm why someone might feel such hostility and why they feel comfortable spewing it on someone they don't know. What other reactions might have been more appropriate.

Wouldn't it be nice for kids to learn about options for appropriate responses so that they might not, in turn, hurt someone else with their own thoughtless behavior (as we have all done at one time or another).

At any rate, it's definitely a balancing act, but I enjoy reading about other parents' experiences and generally always learn something about how I might also interact better with my son.

Thanks for your consideration.

I agree with you about not posting on an unmoderated blog, lest your child's foibles become fodder for trolls.

Maybe you should post these anecdotes and pictures on a more secure site, such as facebook. There's no way to post an anonymous comment on facebook, and only those who you authorize can see your content.

Overall, I agree, and I really detest the mean-spirited attitude I seem to see more and more on the internet. The sad thing is that it isn't just that anonymity makes people vicious; they're generally that way to begin with, but hide their hatred when talking to an "equal" in person. I unfortunately know this because being autistic marks me in some people's eyes as inferior, and at that point they have no problem saying appalling things like "re**rds like u shud be shot in the head."

On the other hand, you are slightly off in one thing: people don't make suggestions of psych or developmental disability from hatred, they do it out of concern based on their own experiences. We know firsthand that life is a lot harder when people don't know the reason we're having problems, and if we see strong evidence that might be happening, we try to save others the same pain we've been put through. Suggesting someone like us isn't an insult, it's really no different from wondering if a person shares our ethnic background based on their surname -- it's more offensive to assume that we're beneath other humans and comparisons must be a horrible personal attack.

The stunningly vulgar and inhumane way commenters can treat people on the internet has a lot in common with two other examples of people behaving like animals: mobs and road rage. In all three cases, the relative anonymity of being just another car/comment/face in the crowd, combined with feelings of power (derived from a sense of immunity since "no one can tie this back to me") breaks down the moral boundaries for many people. I am just throwing out a guess, but I wonder if that is because we frequently behave based more on a fear of getting caught than on a sense of wrong or right (do you automatically hit the brakes when you see a cop? me too--it's about getting caught not right or wrong), and some people have very low barriers to bad behavior if the fear of getting caught is removed.

Does that mean that exposing your kid on the internet is roughly the equivalent of throwing him into the middle of a riot? maybe that's a bit of a stretch but it's not a bad question to ask yourself.