Prudie,

I am atheist and perfectly capable of showing empathy and compassion without prayer. "Keeping someone in your thoughts" is possible without religion or praying and therefore not a white lie at all.

Just goes to show what religion makes people think about others that don't share their beliefs.

I have to agree, as an extremely empathetic and caring atheist myself. I do disagree with the idea of going along with someone who asks you 'Will you pray for such and such?'. I believe the best answer would be to repeat that you would keep them in your thoughts and hope for the best.

I would also like to point out that this letter is not only biased against atheists, but is also christian-centered. I doubt that if someone asked you to dance around a fire for them, or consult some bones for them that you would take them quite as seriously...

I agree, it isn't necessary to pretend you will pray to be polite. Repeating your assurances that you will keep the person in your thoughts IS repeating the care and concern that you have for that person's difficulties. Not everyone is Christian, or even theist, and the assumption that everyone a) is religious; or b) should play along with you to make you happy is the actual rudeness. Genuine care and concern for the other person's troubles is worth a thousand insincere pretenses you will pray.

Hear hear. Or is it here, here? I'm never sure. "Amen" would be too ironic under the circumstances.

It is possible to be perfectly genuine, AND caring, AND true to your beliefs.

AstroComfy:

I would also like to point out that this letter is not only biased against atheists, but is also christian-centered.

So only Christians pray? That'll be news to those Islamic folks who pray 5 times a day....

I don't mean to speak for AstroComfy but the LW referred to him/herself as formerly Christian. That might be where the "Christian centered" comment was aimed.

they handle this well on NYPD blue.

to avoid alienating viewers, the response after the murder of a loved one (or someone simply dying in agony) was simply "i'll keep her/him in my thoughts"

Prudie wrote: >>Dear Not,
Maybe when you said you would keep your boss's brother in your thoughts, you were telling a white lie because you didn't intend to really think about him again.<<

This statement is so incredibly rude, inconsiderate, and bigoted that were it actually spoken in my presence I might have responded in a firm, no nonesense tone that innuendo disparaging the compassion level of non believers for simply being non believers was not appropriate under any circumstance. Such boorish behavior is certainly out of line in an etiquette advice column.

I might then leave the company of the particular oaf that uttered such an ignorant and prejudiced statement. However, over the internet there is no room to leave. I can vote with my clicks, however. See ya around, Rudie Prudie. You've shown your true colors, and they are not the shade of a polite lady.

Rudie Prudie:

Prudie wrote: >>Dear Not,
Maybe when you said you would keep your boss's brother in your thoughts, you were telling a white lie because you didn't intend to really think about him again.<<

This statement is so incredibly rude...Such boorish behavior is certainly out of line in an etiquette advice column....You've shown your true colors, and they are not the shade of a polite lady.

Agree 100%. What kind of advice is that? She accuses the person of being insincere and cold-hearted, and then completely fails to address the person's question.

Absolutely correct. I was so confused when I read that, I thought I read what she wrote wrong. I don't expect everyone to be super PC all the time, or embrace my non-belief, but why in the world would it be a lie for an atheist to tell someone they'll keep a person in their thoughts? What does she think we do when we find out a loved one is dying? Be like, "oh well, better luck next time." Yeah, atheists go throughout life completely devoid of the ability to give a shit about other people, that's right. Ugh.

I didn't take that as a dig at atheist at all, so much as just a general statement of truth. People get busy. Sometimes its hard to remember to take care of everybody that is close to us, much less random individuals that we have a 30 seconds conversation with. Heck, how many of us has told our Mom (or somebody else along those lines) "I'll call" and then forgotten to actually call? If people are going to forget that, they are probably not going to be thinking of their boss's brother in the middle of taking care of their own family. But it is the polite thing to say so we say it. No biggy and no real need to beat yourself up with guilt over it.